Unsure on what to do.

Riley_2001

Hey. ☺️ If you’re taking the time to read this, then I appreciate it. Long story: Not long ago I met an absolute sweetheart of a person. She has a few disabilities which I am absolutely fine with, we all deserve love, kindness, and softness. She wants a relationship with me and I do truly like her, as she does for me - but if I’m going to be with her I have to “grieve” if you will, a lot of the dreams and ideas I’ve had for so many years. Dreams that I hold so dear to me. As silly as it sounds, but dreams of the future with my lover being pregnant and looking after her. (She can’t get pregnant) Dreams of seeing her body change like that. Dreams of spontaneous trips and going on hikes and travelling together. Even something as silly as a piggy back ride around our home. 😭 There’s loads more dreams that I have… No relationship is perfect. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic but I do keep realistic expectations.

I keep trying to tell myself, love isn’t always about compatibility but also about adaptability. But my heart can’t seem to move on past these dreams, dreams that I can’t ever fulfill with her. I’d also have to go to a surrogate in the future, which is so expensive and not the way I ever wanted to have my own children.

It makes me feel like such an awful person and I don’t know what to do. I despise the thought of hurting her heart, but is it fair to myself or her if I’m unsure… I don’t know. I feel like I’m leading her on. It’s not her having the disability’s that upsets me. It’s losing out on the dreams I’ve yearned for so long. Even something as simple as a hike with my lover. I don’t think I can so easily move past it. Makes me feel so superficial and almost fake. Am I being a horrible person? 😔 I truly feel like I am.

Any advice would be appreciated greatly. 🖤 I’m genuinely at a loss and I fear hurting people.

Laura_tigger82

You aren't a horrible person @Riley_2001. It can be difficult, and a sense of grief, when what we thought would happen doesn't quite happen the way we think it will.

This is regardless of disability or any other reason it might not happen the way we think it will. Your post was really respectful and just mindful of the potential constraints!

Do you feel comfortable talking to her about how you are feeling? What else do you think might help? We are here with you

Riley_2001

@Laura_tigger82
Thank you. ☺️ I have spoken with her about it, She’s unsure on what to suggest which is fair enough. I honestly don’t know what will help. I do think I’m being really selfish and hurting a genuinely kind person because of my own frivolous ideas/dreams. Maybe I just need time to try and move past it.

amy02

You are definitely not a selfish person for voicing your thoughts @Riley_2001 It's understandable how confused you must feel - we're here for you Time to think sounds like a good idea - is there perhaps a different type of future you see with her?

Riley_2001

@amy02
Hey. ☺️ Thank you. I truly felt awful about it all. Felt very superficial. I’ve spoken with her some more and we’re going to try, well, I’m going to try and move past it and see a different future to the one I’ve often imagined. I think she’s too special to simply look past because not everything has gone the ways own imagination wanted.