Take lots of care x

Siena

I will be leaving the boards and group chats by the end of this month February. I am now 26 and so i feel this place isn’t as suitable as used to me. (Totally not because the mix are kicking me out loll).
I will stop posting by the 28th Feb

I remember joining 8 years ago & thinking about becoming 26 & thinking I either won’t make it to that age or I will be doing better that I wouldn’t be using this site by that point or need support for my mental health. And it’s so painful to say (literally crying my eyes out writing this) that life doesn’t go how you want it to. i have a very vivid memory of being in my sisters old flat & thinking very deeply how I couldn’t use childline anymore cause of my age & was thinking oh yeah I’ve got 8 years for this & there’s no chance I’ll be alive and if I do make it - it’s because I won’t be struggling so much to seek this support so there’s no worry there. But here I am & while I’m not dead - I am still in a lottt of emotional pain that I still fear there is no way out. I am still in the same part time retail job as I was when I started using this site and that’s also painful as I feel I haven’t gotten very far with my life. But having said that I have just recently passed my driving test and got my first car today so maybe that will encourage new job opportunities for me to think about. I also try to remember the amount of stuff I have gone through before joining and while joining- I don’t think is for the weak so maybe I should trust my capabilities more.

So many people come and go here and a lot of the users I got close to have now left cause of the age thing too so I guess it makes it a lot easier for me to move on & recently especially since I turned 25. I try not to get too involved with other users or mods cause I know I will not be able to use for long so I am sorry if I’ve come across as it’s all about me loll & a boring empty shell with no personality.

It’s also made me have more empathy cause people open up to things you may not open up to anyone about in fear of judgement but the anonymously helped & it would make you realise about people’s behaviours & why they may act that way and just think about the wide range of things anyone may struggle with.

I don’t really know what my future holds in terms of deleting my self as the older I get the less hope of feeling better is - but then there is that the older I get the stronger I get with coming out of v dark depressive episodes and surviving it.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and I do truely wish the best for everyone in the future

shannon_164

hey @Siena - that is a really big step, and i can only imagine how bittersweet it must feel. i know that feeling, coming to the end of services is really hard.

i just want to say that i’m really proud of you for making it this far, for sharing so openly, and for acknowledging both the struggles and the strength that have carried you through.

even though things haven’t turned out how you once hoped, the fact that you’re still here, still pushing forward, still finding moments of resilience, that means something.

it’s okay to grieve what you expected life to be by now, but i also hope you give yourself credit for everything you’ve survived. passing your driving test, getting your first car, those aren’t small things, and they show that even when it doesn’t feel like it, you are moving forward. and maybe, just maybe, there are more steps ahead that will surprise you in ways you can’t see right now.

i hope leaving these spaces makes room for something new - whether that’s healing, growth, or just a little more peace, but no matter what, you’re not just a “boring empty shell.” you’re someone who has impacted others, who has shared and connected, who has mattered, and you still do.

you’re going to be missed on here, but i’m wishing you the best in life and i hope that you find what you need in your next chapter - i’m proud of you🩷