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(TW suicide) Knowing that I’ll always considered ugly without makeup makes me want to reattempt
bignosegirly0
Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
Disclaimer: I am safe. I am capable of keeping myself safe.
One way I know people are lying when they say I’m not ugly, is when they recommend makeup. I know it’s a controversial opinion, but I think it’s bullshit when people say that makeup is meant to “enhance your natural features”. It’s obviously designed to hide your natural flaws, such as acne, eye bags, short eyelashes, thin eyebrows etc.
I would describe makeup as the equivalent of covering a nail fungus with a pretty bright nail polish. It doesn’t mean you no longer have a fungus, you’ve just hidden it. Hence, wearing makeup doesn’t make you attractive; it just hides the fact that you’re ugly.
And when people say I should wear makeup, I know they think in ugly. Despite engaging in my skincare routine and trying to get rid of my flaws (acne, short lashes, eyebags, wrinkles, thin eyebrows), I’m still considered ugly until I hide who I truly am with makeup.
When people say I should wear makeup more often (even if it’s intended as a compliment on my makeup skills) it breaks my heart. And it breaks my heart even more knowing that women will never be accepted in their natural state. This is just how the world is. Women are just born into a world where they have to hide who they are in order to have worth in life. I get the basics of taking care of yourself, in regards to grooming and taking care of your hygiene. But having short lashes or thin lips isn’t unhygienic.
“Makeup is all about putting in effort”
It’s my fucking face. I would prefer if you just called me ugly instead of hiding through this bullshit that makeup is the equivalent of dressing nicely.
And the fact that nothing about it can be changed makes me want to reattempt. Why would I want to live in a world where I have to hide who I am in order to be accepted. I would much rather be dead now than live that reality.
And as a way to prevent myself from killing my self, I’m trying to remind myself that killing myself will make my family miserable if I kill myself.
For context, I attempted to end my life in my workplace locker room a long time ago and failed. But I’m feeling so low and want to reattempt.
For context, I attempted to end my life in my workplace locker room a long time ago and failed. But I’m feeling so low and want to reattempt.
One way I know people are lying when they say I’m not ugly, is when they recommend makeup. I know it’s a controversial opinion, but I think it’s bullshit when people say that makeup is meant to “enhance your natural features”. It’s obviously designed to hide your natural flaws, such as acne, eye bags, short eyelashes, thin eyebrows etc.
I would describe makeup as the equivalent of covering a nail fungus with a pretty bright nail polish. It doesn’t mean you no longer have a fungus, you’ve just hidden it. Hence, wearing makeup doesn’t make you attractive; it just hides the fact that you’re ugly.
And when people say I should wear makeup, I know they think in ugly. Despite engaging in my skincare routine and trying to get rid of my flaws (acne, short lashes, eyebags, wrinkles, thin eyebrows), I’m still considered ugly until I hide who I truly am with makeup.
When people say I should wear makeup more often (even if it’s intended as a compliment on my makeup skills) it breaks my heart. And it breaks my heart even more knowing that women will never be accepted in their natural state. This is just how the world is. Women are just born into a world where they have to hide who they are in order to have worth in life. I get the basics of taking care of yourself, in regards to grooming and taking care of your hygiene. But having short lashes or thin lips isn’t unhygienic.
“Makeup is all about putting in effort”
It’s my fucking face. I would prefer if you just called me ugly instead of hiding through this bullshit that makeup is the equivalent of dressing nicely.
And the fact that nothing about it can be changed makes me want to reattempt. Why would I want to live in a world where I have to hide who I am in order to be accepted. I would much rather be dead now than live that reality.
Post edited by Katie on
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Comments
Sorry to hear that you're feeling quite low at the moment, that can't be easy for you to deal with by yourself.
I understand that the thought of hiding who you are to be accepted and the struggle to meet an unrealistic beauty standard is making you feel like reattempting. Trying to cope with all that pressure to hide who you are just to be accepted is a lot to handle.
I think, in certain situations makeup can be used to hide things like acne, or maybe enhance the thickness and change the shape of eyebrows etc but I think it can be a really positive thing too, I've seen it being used as a form of self expression.
I'm wondering if maybe both can be true, makeup could be used to hide features, enhance them and be a way for people to express themselves?
I can see how people saying you should wear makeup can be quite insulting, reinforcing to you that the way you look is not good enough right now. What you describe as flaws seem to be things that are pretty out of your control, like acne flare ups, there's only so much you can do to clear it up. I'm wondering would you tell someone else who had acne that they were inherently ugly?
If someone is happy with themselves, regardless of whether they have any facial flaws or not, wear makeup or wear no makeup, I honestly can't fault that. It's very difficult to not obsess over the fact that our world defines others worth based on their appearance. So it's nice to see someone not care about whether their looks defines them or not, and just live freely without fear.
I totally get trying to protect others from something you've experienced, it must have been really hurtful to hear people put you down because of the way you look. I can't imagine what would motivate someone to do that. It makes sense that looking at the bigger societal picture would make you upset.
I think you're right, it does take a lot of courage to say no to societal expectations and just do your own thing. I think the great thing about us is that we can change our mindsets on these sort of things, even if on a societal level things are bad, individually we can create our own way of thinking about things like beauty standards.
I read another post that you made talking about trying to change your mindset, do you think using affirmations would be helpful for you? Do you think acknowledging how you feel and reshaping it with affirmations would be helpful in fighting against the things other people are saying about your appearance?