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TW - self harm

AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,586 Boards Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
I messed up by accident and my carelessness affected other people. I feel so, so bad. I dont know what to do with myself. I feel like I need to punish myself and I’m in this constant limbo of should I undo years of work and SH or do my best to fight the thoughts? I don’t know what’s the best thing to do. My mind won’t stop.
PS: I’m safe, I never do anything serious.
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Comments

  • FaolanFaolan Posts: 174 Helping Hand
    I don’t know what happened but what I do know is that everyone makes mistakes, Toe. It doesn’t make you a bad person or anything. You don’t need to go and punish yourself. Sure look it, you’re here feeling awful terrible about it all, that’s punishment enough 💚

    Fight the thoughts, if you can. Is there anything else that would help? Distractions or another coping mechanism?

    I’m sorry you’re hurting so much Toe. You’re honestly one of the nicest people. You don’t deserve any of this sadness 💚
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,586 Boards Guru
    Thank you @Faolan it kind of sounds stupid but I accidentally set an alarm that went off in an exam. It was a mock at least but I just feel like I ruined it for everyone.
    I’ll try to distract myself. Thank you for being here 💚
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 697 Incredible Poster
    AnonymousToe wrote: »
    Thank you @Faolan it kind of sounds stupid but I accidentally set an alarm that went off in an exam. It was a mock at least but I just feel like I ruined it for everyone.
    I’ll try to distract myself. Thank you for being here 💚

    it doesn’t at all sound stupid!! how you’re feeling is so so valid🙂
  • FaolanFaolan Posts: 174 Helping Hand
    AnonymousToe wrote: »
    Thank you @Faolan it kind of sounds stupid but I accidentally set an alarm that went off in an exam. It was a mock at least but I just feel like I ruined it for everyone.
    I’ll try to distract myself. Thank you for being here 💚

    OMG you didn’t ! That’s terrible and deserves life in jail with no possibility of parole 🤬

    Nah, it’s not stupid. I say it was mortifying in the moment but honestly shit happens like, it’s one of those things that you’ll probably laugh about in years to come.

    I say it was sorted in no time too. No harm done💚

    Big hugs. You’ve a good soul. 🫂
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,586 Boards Guru
    @Faolan You actually scared me for a second before I got to the jail bit 🤣🤣
    Thank you 💚
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,173 Boards Champion
    Hi @AnonymousToe, sorry to hear how you've been feeling. I can hear how you made an accidental mistake, and that you've been feeling bad as a result. It sounds like it was an honest mistake, you feel bad about it, and you understand the implications of it - I don't think you need any punishment on top of all that! We're human, we make mistakes - it's okay, and what you did wasn't intentional or out of malice. Be kind to yourself :)

    Just want to check that you're feeling safe? As @Faolan mentioned, are there things you can be doing to distract yourself for a while? Perhaps a hobby that you enjoy? :)

    I'll include some support links below in case you need them, but also feel free to let us know how you're doing too. We're here for you <3
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  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,586 Boards Guru
    Thank you @Azziman im safe. I managed to distract myself with just random games and YouTube videos and stuff. Not the most productive but at least I got through it I suppose. Then moved on to distracting myself with study because I have sooo much to do 🥲
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,586 Boards Guru
    TW

    I don’t understand why these thoughts are back when I haven’t even done it for almost 3 years now. But it’s just thoughts, so.. who cares? I really want someone to care. I want to talk to someone without making them sick of me. Nobody will care if I don’t hurt myself but if I do then I’m too much.

    Why is this happening to me?? I thought I was all better. I guess the best thing I can do is distract myself through it and maybe it’ll just go away again. But it kind of feels like everything I’ve done these past 4 years has been for nothing. I’ve got nowhere.
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 697 Incredible Poster
    @AnonymousToe always here for you if you ever want to talk about anything🩷
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 434 Listening Ear
    Hey @AnonymousToe , thank you for this post <3 How are you feeling this morning? It sounds like last night was hard.

    It is so valid for urges to SH to come in waves, and perhaps even to return after multiple years of not feeling that way. Though I hear it can be confusing and frustrating too.

    I wonder if there's anything that's been happening in your life lately that might be triggering these urges? It's also totally okay for you not to have the answers. We will reach out via DM to support you more :3
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