What should I do about this?

purpleshark

My mum thinks that a 17 year old dating a 14 year old isn’t paedophilic, and when my mum has an opinion about something it’s likely my whole family has the same opinion as her. Her reasoning is that a paedophile is someone who goes after a child, and she sees the age gap as not that big.

What’s making me feel more stressed is I saw a post on tiktok where someone said that it is paedophilic and it got a million likes, which is a lot.

I’m sort of questioning whether TikTok is a representation of the real world though.

Personally even if it isn’t paedophilic, I still think a 17 year old dating a 14 year old should be avoided. It’s just stressing me out because I have it in my head now that my mum is a bad person for having that opinion.

Sian321

Hi @purpleshark , thank you for your post. How are you doing today?

I can hear how conflicting it might be to have your mum express one opinion, and then the TikTok community saying something else. It sounds like you personally feel that a 17 year old dating a 14 year old should be avoided, but it's upsetting and stressful to think about your mum as a 'bad' person. What does 'bad' mean to you here?

I also wonder what it's been like to talk to your mum about your own opinion and stance on this? Is this something you've felt able to express to her?

If helpful, I'll share below some resources that talk about the age of consent within UK law and keeping safe when it comes to dating:

You might want to take a look at some of these articles - which explain the law, and can help you to think about what relationships might mean to you; Age of consent https://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/your-rights/age-of-consent-9106.html , Age Gaps https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/age-gaps-2917.html , Age Gap Relationships https://www.bishuk.com/relationships/age-gap-relationships/ .

Is This Ok? Is an organisation that supports young people with anything you are worrying about or finding difficult covering a wide range of topics. If it is something you feel like you can't speak to anyone else about, they are there for you. They have a chatbot which can support you with advice and information 24/7. Is This Ok? use a chat-bot as an easy way of identifying the support you need. The chat-bot will be able to give you advice and information 24/7. You will then have the option to be transferred through to a trained chat advisor who will be able to listen and provide non-judgemental support. Their specialist advisers are available to chat to from 2:30pm-9:30pm Monday to Thursday and 4pm-11pm Friday, Saturday and Sunday. They are a completely anonymous service and won't ask you for any personal information. They are a service mainly for 13-18 year olds, but if you are slightly older than this and present an issue that they can support with, they will try and help. Their website is https://www.isthisok.org.uk/.

BISH is a website that provides a guide to sex, love, and you for everyone over the age of 14. There are lots of helpful articles around a range of topics such as puberty, sexuality, sexual health services, relationships, and porn. BISH was created by a sexual health educator who you can submit anonymous questions to on the website. He isn't able to answer every question but you might find an article on the site that answers it for you. For more information go to www.bishuk.com

We're here if you'd like to talk more, @purpleshark!