All I see is darkness

Rose113

All I see is darkness and pain and nothing beyond and that hurts, it hurts a ton. I feel nothing physically it’s all just mental but it’s weird in the day I feel pure numb like my head is trying to keep me from falling apart but at night all I do is cry and cry. I’m tired of feeling this way, I don’t like it, I really don’t like it, I’ve written something for Emma but I’m just afraid to give it or even hand it to her, I thought about messaging it to her on teams but I’m not sure that’s a good idea but I don’t know it’s just a risky note…

I can’t show a picture here either because it would be against guidelines even if I blurred some of the bits off. I’ve just tried to be up front about everything to her I guess…

I did end the note with “I’ll probably avoid you for the rest of college after this embarrassing note” 😭🤣 and I started it with “people leave when I open up to much so if you don’t want to see my face again or speak to me after then I don’t mind” 😅

Matthew_04

Hey @Rose113
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so much numbness and pain at the moment. It must take a lot of strength to get through each day, it's understandable it's all coming out at night. What do you find helps you calm down and get to sleep at night? I saw you had a thread about ranting before bed, would this be helpful for you?

It sounds like you've written quite a detailed and personal letter to Emma, it's good that you're opening up to her but I understand how scary it can be to be vulnerable with someone. Would you want to share what the reason behind sending the letter is?

Rose113

@Matthew_04 coloring helps a bit. Oh no that thread is for other people not me

Sian321

Hey @Rose113 , thank you for making this post, and I just want to send the biggest hug. It sounds like things are extreamly hard right now, and everything feels very dark. I hear you, and that is valid. It's okay not to have the answers right now or to see a clear path forwards.

Writing your feelings down to potentially hand to Emma sounds like a positive step. How did it feel to write it out like that? I know words and poetry are something you've found helpful in the past It sounds like a part of you was really wanting to open up to Emma and reach out for that support, even though it feels very daunting. That takes a lot of courage, @Rose113, and whether you gave her the note or not, you took that step to write it out, which is amazing.

How did things go with Emma in the end?

Keep us posted, @Rose113 and we're here for you. Please remember that if ever that darkness feels all-consuming or you'd simply like a space to talk, there are places you can contact:

The Mix's Crisis Messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, and are experiencing a personal crisis, are unable to cope and need support, you can text THEMIX to 85258. Their trained volunteer will introduce themselves, reflect on what you’ve said, and invite you to share at your own pace. You’ll text back and forth, only sharing what you feel comfortable with. They can deal issues such as Suicidal thoughts, abuse or assault, self-harm, bullying, relationship breakdown. You can find out more about it at https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger

Samaritans are there for you 24/7. They offer a listening service and emotional support to anyone about any issue, with a special focus on suicidal feelings. You can call the helpline for free on 116 123 or email at jo@samaritans.org. You can also write them a letter and you can find details on their website. Some of their branches offer face to face services and you can find your local branch on their website. For more information you can go to www.samaritans.org