memories🙁

struggling0_0

this is probably super silly, i know, but basically i no longer see my dad, i havent for around 10 years now. when i did see him, it was for like 20 ish mins at mcdonald’s while he sat and talked to my mum about work stuff with 0 interest in me. every sunday morning when we were seeing him, my sister and i would have been up, had a shower, hair washed and dried and then we left. since we stopped seeing him, i was old enough to be able to get a shower myself, wash my own hair and dry it too so i got to decide when i got a shower mostly too, i never would have got a shower on a sunday morning, it would have always been a sunday night instead (as well as throughout the week dw lol) but today i ended up getting a shower this morning, it feels weird? it’s a sunday morning, outta bed, shower, hair washed and dried but i don’t see my dad anymore (his choice btw) - it kinda hurts a bit?

i seen a thing on tiktok this morning that said “as a person i hate him but as his daughter i could never” - i’ve been thinking about that non stop as it’s how i feel too, knowing about things he’s done and lies he’s told but he’s still my dad and there are some memories i have of him doing normal things that a dad with do with his daughter like playing in the park or whatever.

sorry this is super silly:(

Riley_2001

@struggling0_0 Thank you for sharing this. It’s not silly at all and it’s completely valid to feel this way and have those thoughts after seeing the TikTok. I hope those memories can be cherished rather than cause any significant pain to you. It’s okay to be hurt by it though. I can actually relate to the TikTok, so I appreciate you sharing. I’m not fond of my father as a person for how he abandoned me after verbal abuse, yet, I do also have those memories of him doing those fatherly things before he left. It certainly can bring a sense of pain and that’s okay.

Whilst you may not have seen him this morning, doing those things for yourself is still lovely, having a shower, all clean and tidy, but I can certainly understand that hurt a bit.

I hope you’re okay and have a lovely rest of your Sunday and into a fresh week. ☺️