im so scared 💔

eylah

im sry for making another post but im so scared bc im being admitted to a mental health hospital 💔. what a great fucking way to start 2025 😔 my mum is definitely disappointed in me from above its making me feel so shit💔. i wasnt expecting none of this ive had it thrown at me today by my psychiatrist i know my community mental health nurse was gonna call me either yesterday or today but she called today and said she was gonna talk to my psychiatrist i don’t know why that scared me bc i was not expecting this. she sent another mental health nurse round to my flat bc i wasnt answering her bc i was scared & she told me i am waiting on a psych bed 💔. im so scared bc i wasnt answering wanting 2025 to be gd but now its gone to shit. i have so many health appts coming up i cant miss now im gonna be stuck in hospital i hate myself i hate my life. i know this is a pointless post but im trying to come to terms with everything thats happened today 💔😔. im sry.

i was trying my hardest to make my life a life worth living but it was just incredibly hard to even make it a life worth waking up to but now i dont know what to do bc the community team think i need to be in hospital to ‘make a fresh start’ for myself but idk? i have so many questions but idk who to ask or where to start. theres a meeting tmr with the inpatient team & my psychiatrist abt what help will be in place for me when i arrive on the ward. im so scared 💔💔

im sry 💔😔 for making this post but im rly emotional rn idk will i still be able to use the boards when im in hospital or not? idk how this works. i hope i can have my phone on the ward ( i hope so ) but if i can will i still be able to use the mix discussion boards & support/general chat? bc i find supporting ppl rly beneficial bc i care abt all of you here. 🥺❤️

sinead276

hey @eylah - i know this is all a scary time, and not the way you may have imagined 2025 to begin for you, but i just wanna remind you that it's okay to feel worried about it all, and that i'm sure your mum is absolutely not disappointed in you from above - i'm sure all she'd want is for you to feel okay and get the support you need to feel better.

whilst i don't have the answers to what it will be like and all that, what i do wanna say is we are all here for you cheering you on and sending you love - you are an important part of the community here. whilst it may feel like a setback, hopefully in the long-term it can give you the time and support you need to feel better.

hopefully you are able to find someone who you can ask all your questions to and that they can give you the answers and reassurance you need.

in the mean time - sending you the biggest hug right now.

eylah

@sinead276 thankyou so much i rly appreciate you replying to me it means a lot. rn im just waiting on a psych bed to come available im praying its in my local area bc i dont want to have to go somewhere i dont know. but thankyou so much i rly hope i can find out everything bc its stressing me out bc its new year and my mental health team arent in til thursday now so im having to wait til then but my psychiatrist is also of work tmr but hes in work so he can attend that appt with the mental health inpatient team to discuss my plan in hospital. sry for blabbering on 😅 thankyou again ❤️

eylah

theres a meeting abt what will happen when i go into hospital ive been struggling all night abt this i want to get better but i am unsure abt hospital 😔 im so tired today i just am crying non stop it hurts 💔 sry for a useless post im just needing to offload bc everything is causing me to panic abt this. 💔

Claire28

Hi @eylah

I’m sorry things are feeling so overwhelming and painful right now. It sounds like you are facing so much and a lot of unknowns right now its understandable you are feeling yourself panic. You are being very brave in getting the help you need and deserve. I hope you soon find out what is happening in the next few days.

Sending hugs

eylah

thankyou @Claire28


im trying so hard rn not to sh but its so incredibly hard im hoping to hear back from my psychiatrist and the two psych nurses tmr was told theyd call me tmr to check in but im trying so hard rn its so difficult. i want help i rly do but i dont know why they was saying im rly unwell atm? not physically but the psych /psychatrist said yesterday i was rly mentally unwell and that a short hospital stay will hopefully help even though in past yeah been on section 2 but idk? im just rly confused bc i hate hospitals especially psych hospitals and im just down in shouts. great fucking way to start 2025 💔💔 im safe

thankyou again for replying.

eylah

its actually happening 💔 had lead nurse from cmht call me and i am waiting for a bed now. idk how to feel bc tmr the lead mh nurse is coming with home treatment team so im just scared rly bc my psychiatrist has said that whilst im in the psych ward they will look for supported living bc this flat is not right for me. im trying so hard to cope 💔

Katie

Hey @eylah thank you for letting us know you're safe and I hear that you do want help. How are you feeling today? Have they given you a bed and has the lead mh nurse spoken with you?

It sounds like you have support around you who are trying to get you the help you deserve, including around your living situation. How do you feel about supported living, if you feel okay to share?

Sending you hugs Eylah and you're being so brave going through this and keeping us updated. We're all here for you

eylah

hi no they havent got me a bed in the psych ward bc there isnt any in my area unfortunately. im not gd im struggling with sh thoughts ( im safe!) but i am seeing the lead mh nurse at 3:30pm today she’s coming round but im just rly exhausted. i mean my psychiatrist has said he doesnt think this homeless flat is right for me bc it isnt and idk honestly im very confused abt everything i rly am. i cant say anything abt this bc of guidelines but yeah its just agony waiting for a bed bc its just shit it rly is.

Riley_2001

@eylah You’re in all our hearts and thoughts. You’re very brave to face this. You’ll be okay. 🖤 Much love to you.

eylah

well that went to shits.. idk what is happening now bc its so fucking confusing. was seeing the lead mh nurse today she’s coming came but another woman came and she was horrible. my mh team think a short hospital stay will be beneficial bc of my risk atm but then that random woman who knows nothing abt me buts her nose in and says no no that won’t work. its ridiculous bc the mh team know me more than anyone else and that woman thinks she knows everything. i actually hate everything i rly do. idk whats happening now bc of the bed situation and now that woman. i just wanted to see the mh nurse on her own 💔 but she knows the mh nurse what’s best for me. the woman idk her name who came was like what do you want in terms of a hospital stay etc and i just felt like she wasnt understanding at all it actually made me cry bc who is she? and why she trying to make decisions for me when she dont even know me. 💔 apparently a recovery house thingy was discussed but bc of my ‘risk’ they said no. i actually hate everything 💔 its all a complete mess it rly is 💔

eylah

Riley_2001 wrote: »

@eylah You’re in all our hearts and thoughts. You’re very brave to face this. You’ll be okay. 🖤 Much love to you.

thankyou so much riley it means a lot to me 🖤 i hope your ok

eylah

i actually feel so shit 💔 idk why but it seems like the plan me my psychiatrist & the two mh nurses made is now in air? idk why i feel like it is but bc what that random woman was saying it seems like it. i can’t stop crying i feel like i was finally going to get help but now that random ass woman put her nose into shit she knows nothing abt it is just fucking shit. 💔

stardust444

@eylah im sending hugs❤️❤️❤️ so sorry to hear about your situation. i am here for you<3

eylah

thankyou 💕

eylah

tw swearing suicide sh rant.

idk why im just so anxious rn 💔 im trying so hard not to relapse and im just sat here thinking abt it tbh. noone knows how much im trying to cope with everything in my fucked up life rn and the plan of me going into hospital seems to have gone to shits. im like well ppl don’t care if im dead or alive atp it actually fucking hurts. im screaming for help and im just being left to lose it basically. i hate the mh team i rly do! 💔 i just want to clarify i have no plan nor am going to act on anything im struggling but no plans.

shannon_164

@eylah sending so much love your way, i see how hard you try every single day regardless of what life throws at you and im so so proud of you🩷i know im just a stranger really, but i care if you’re dead or alive - you make this world a much better place and im super grateful to have met you here!!

you really don’t deserve to have to deal with any of this and should be getting the help you need and very much do 1000000% deserve eylah🫶🏻

always here if you need someone!

eylah

shannon_164 wrote: »

@eylah sending so much love your way, i see how hard you try every single day regardless of what life throws at you and im so so proud of you🩷i know im just a stranger really, but i care if you’re dead or alive - you make this world a much better place and im super grateful to have met you here!!

you really don’t deserve to have to deal with any of this and should be getting the help you need and very much do 1000000% deserve eylah🫶🏻

always here if you need someone!

thankyou shan im just feeling like a huge worthless person who deserves nothing sry. im just feeling rly shit today 💔 cried for 2 hours now its exhausting:( hugs 🫂

shannon_164

and that’s ok that you cried and feel really shit today - however you feel is so so SO valid eylah!!

i know you feel that you’re a worthless person that deserves nothing, but i promise you that your brain is lying to you - you’re such an amazing person that brings so much to the world, you’re so kind, caring, supportive, helpful and so much more, i could go on for a longggg time adding to that list - you’re doing so well eylah and im proud of you🩷

shannon_164

also, you have nothing to apologise for!!! how you feel is how you feel and that is ok🫶🏻

eylah

aw @shannon_164 thankyou so much 💕 it means a lot to me. i know i struggle a lot rn but it just feels so puzzling inside my head it rly does 💔 bc im asking and asking and trying to keep myself safe etc but its like im screaming but noone can hear me 💔

shannon_164

@eylah i know exactly what that feeling is like, you’re trying so so hard and begging for help but no one seems to be listening:( it’s so so unfair and you don’t deserve that at all!!!

eylah

thankyou @shannon_164

im just constantly thinking why do i even bother 💔 my heart hurts it rly does. im just exhausted thankyou for everything you have done for me 💕 im safe ❤️