Why am I trying?

Rose113

Why am I trying when I’m just fucking alone with it all, I’ve tried to reach out to calm twice tonight but they just end the chat on me and told me that there too busy i reached out to them so I didn’t fucking self harm yet I’ve gone and fucking relapsed anyway so why did I reach out to anyone.

I can’t reach out to any people in my life cos don’t want to burden them and it’s not like anyone would give a shit but oh well.

Lay here crying my eyes out wishing this pain would go away, wishing I was back in college so I can speak to Emma but I can’t cos it’s the fucking holidays which is just crap

I give up trying idk why I bother with recovery I’ll just live in this pit of darkness instead it’s easier.

Edit: helplines only care when you have a plan to end your life 🙄 so sorry that I don’t have that idea

shannon_164

@Rose113 i really do hear your frustration, it’s so unfair that you weren’t able to get support when you really needed it, you are SO deserving of support!!

relapsing is a part of the journey - you’re still doing amazingly! just wanted to check though, are you safe following the relapse? we care about you🩷

i know that helplines do tend to be more willing to listen if you have an active plan to end your life, but not all of them are like that - i accidentally discovered an amazing one during summer that nobody has ever heard of i’ve found when ive suggested it, so just in case you haven’t either! they have honestly been the biggest help to me, they’ve helped me more than professionals have done!!! they are a small team so you talk to the same people when you contact them which i find helpful as they get to know you so you’re not always repeating yourself, and they genuinely are the most supportive people. i know confidentiality can be super important for many people, with them you are in full control - they cannot involve anyone else unless you chose to give them your information eg full name, address etc.

they are called kelly’s heroes and their website is https://kellysheroes.org.uk/services/live-chat/ and they are open from 6pm-9pm monday-thursday and 6pm-10pm friday-sunday over their webchat!

i hope you’re ok, you are doing so amazingly and i am so proud of you - you’ve got this, i believe in you🫶🏻

briannat

Hey @Rose113

I'm sorry you relapsed, how are your wounds? Have you been able to take care of them? I'm also sorry camhs wasn't much help to you, I know it takes a lot of energy to be vulnerable during a time where we're struggling so much only to be met with indifference or misunderstanding. I think it's quite brave that you reached out for help , that takes so much. I'm also hearing that you've not been able to rely on your usual support systems meaning it must feel like you're going through this all alone, it makes sense to me that you're feeling discouraged because of this. Nobody is meant to go through life alone. Keep coming on here and talking to us about what you're feeling, we don't want you to feel like you have to go through this pain without talking about it. How has your day been so far? Have you been able to spend any time paying attention to your own needs?

Rose113

@briannat my wounds are okay, I’ve just been asleep all day doing nothing