I don’t know what to say anymore (Extreme TW)

Rose113

TW// mentions of suicide and very dark thoughts along with self harm!

All big trigger sentences will be spoilered!


I’m just done, I’m no longer complaining or showing a reaction to things. I just can’t be bothered anymore and will just go silent. Already got my 2025 planned out

2025 I’m just gonna go silent, delete everything and do absolutely fuck all

till I get the courage to act on my thoughts

(probably gonna be a long year but 🙃)

I feel like I’m absolutely nothing and just a worthless piece of shit which I mean is true but yeah.

I just wake up every morning and think “for fucks sake I woke up again”

each day I have to live through endless shit days

I don’t want to be here for 2025

yet I have to be because I promised Emma from college that I’d give her a chance to help me and so I promised to not end my life.

I’m tired, I’m drained, I’m confused, I’m a mess, I’m lost and I’m depressed when I have no reason to be 😕 I’m just a mentally fucked sado

People treat me like I’m not human which I mean I don’t feel human at times with my dissociating but I think I look human 🤷‍♀️

Sometimes I think I’m just a bad person and wonder if I should never have been born like why wasn’t I born a rat or something clearly I deserve to be that rather than human

My feelings are wrong, my problems are seen as wrong, I am just wrong!!

I’m sorry for being who I am and I’m sorry that everyone here had to meet me but don’t worry I’ll distance myself as soon as 2025 happens and then people can never know me again and everyone can forget about me and live a life without a worthless bitch like me in it

All I want to do is self harm yet when I do I don’t get the relief, it just has no effect on me yet I do it because I’m impulsive and feel the need to punish myself

I’m safe there all just thoughts sadly

shannonxg_

@Rose113 first of all i just want to say thank you for sharing your feelings so openly with us and trusting us with it - i know how difficult that can be! you always share how you’re feeling so well helping us to really understand what you’re going through🩷

i know how much you have been through, none of which you deserve at all, so it is totally understandable how drained you feel, and it is ok that you feel that way - your feelings are so valid! you have said “when i have no reason to be”, i don’t know you all that well but i do see from boards and chats a lot of what you share, and feeling how you feel in response to what you’ve dealt with is very much a valid reason to be feeling this way - just because everyone can feel these emotions for different reasons does not make your reasons invalid.

you don’t need to apologise for being who you are - you’re such an amazing person who is so kind, caring, loving and supportive who makes the world a much better place! i know that im glad to have met you through the mix and love to see you join chats and stuff - it is your decision of course if you did distance yourself, but im sure there are so many people who would miss seeing you here as you bring so much to the community - you’re not at all a worthless bitch as you have said!

i really do hear how much you don’t want to be here anymore, which is an understandable way to feel; i promise you though that there are so many people who care about you and you genuinely do make this world a better place!

i know you have said that you are safe but im just going to add some helplines here too in case you need - remember reaching out for support doesn’t make you weak, it actually makes you very brave - you are so so deserving of support!

-shout 24/7: text ‘shout’ to 85258> https://giveusashout.org/

-samarians 24/7: call 116123 or webchat available on their website> https://www.samaritans.org/ni/

-papyrus 24/7: call 08000684141 or text 88247> https://www.papyrus-uk.org/

-childline 24/7: call 08001111 or webchat available on their website> https://www.childline.org.uk/

-calm 5pm-midnight: call 0800585858 or webchat available on their website> https://www.thecalmzone.net/

-suicide prevention uk 6pm-midnight: call 08005870800> https://www.spuk.org.uk/

-kooth 12pm-10pm: webchat available on their website> https://www.kooth.com/

-kellys heroes 6pm-9pm: webchat available on their website> https://kellysheroes.org.uk/

If you need immediate support contact 111 or 999 - I have also included the info to text 111 or 999 if calling is not an option for you!

-111: Download the Relay UK app and dial 18001111

-999: Text ‘Register’ to 999, you will receive a message asking you to confirm id you would like to register with the service, if you are needing to contact them ensure that you include what service you need, briefly explain the situation and include as accurate a location as you can.

i hope you’re ok - we’re always here for you and we care about you - you’ve got this🩷

briannat

Hey @Rose113
I wanted to say thank you for sharing your thoughts here and letting us know how you're feeling. I can really resonate with that sentiment of just feeling done and fed up. It's a lot to continue to exist when you're tired and want to stop. Just by taking breath every morning you're putting up a fight. You're not in this alone You have so many people rooting for your success, progress and healing.

The staff team will drop you a DM to check whether you need any additional support, because I can hear those suicidal thoughts are weighing very heavily right now

Rose113

@briannat im okay, it was just a heavy night and I had a bit of a wobble with my emotions

Rose113

Thank you so much @shannonxg_ ngl your message made me cry happy tears