How do I get a girlfriend?

JMMV2005

I’m a 19 year old Male for context, and I’m a bit anxious and socially awkward (especially around girls)

So lately I’ve been starting to want a girlfriend, I would really like a relationship like that because I get to share things with someone and who knows, it may even lead to getting married getting a house and starting a family, which is something I’d really want from life

But it’s been really playing on my mind, like I keep thinking about it and hoping it’s going to happen which is stressing me out

The thing is I’ve never had a relationship, I was never really interested in it all through school, became a bit interested in college but my self esteem was at an all time low so obviously that didn’t work, at the moment I feel better about myself and am starting to try new things, but what does someone like me do when they want a relationship? What kind of groups are there to meet girls? (I live in a small town so it’ll probably be difficult to find anything like this) What things should I do to find a relationship? What sort of things should I look for in a partner? (What are the red and green flags) Will I be safe, am I gonna get taken advantage of due to my lack of experience and innocence? How do I avoid bad experiences? Do I need to work on myself more before I can even think about this? Am I thinking too far ahead into the future? I have so many questions and I’ll probably think of more after I’ve posted this, I’ve actually written “Get a girlfriend” in my New Years resolutions so next year I’m gonna have to try, should I just cross it out and focus on myself first, am I rushing? Also I have never really spoken to my parents about this because the thought of the conversation feels really awkward, I get on well with my parents but I feel awkward speaking about this to them

I find it hard to imagine myself in a relationship because I’ve never had one, and sometimes I wonder if there even is anyone out there for me. It just feels so big to me the idea of having a girlfriend, a relationship like that is so much harder to make than something like making friends

FYI I wouldn’t feel comfortable using a dating app, I hear people on there aren’t actually looking for anything real and I’m worried people from my school will be on the app (School was a bad experience for me) and I’d just prefer to meet people in real life than online, I’m getting sick of technology taking over every aspect of our lives and distancing us from people, and I feel like a relationship made in real life will be stronger

I lack experience so much with relationships I can’t judge what the right course of action is for me and I’m worried I’ll do something stupid

Can you share any tips, or wisdom, or experiences, or advice with me to do with relationships that could give me a better understanding about how I feel and what I should do so I can start to understand this better and figure out what my first step should be?

Thank you 😁

briannat

Hey there @JMMV2005

I can't say I'm an expert on dating or anything (I am definitely not) but I find that hanging around people who share similar interests or hobbies can be a good shout as it's a lovely way to meet people you might have something in common with. Sometimes local pubs or cafe might have opportunities for speed dating, this is definitely something you could search online for. Considering you've never been in a relationship before, I'd be patient with yourself. You're figuring yourself out and what you like still, relationships can be a good way to learn how to set boundaries, listen to yourself and others, make mistakes and say sorry, etc. This is a vulnerable and learning process to go through, so it makes all the sense if you feel that you have no idea what you're doing. Some things might come naturally as well, if you meet someone and feel a connection. It makes a lot of sense you don't want to use the dating apps. However, there are people out there who use them to find serious relationships, stating exactly what they're looking for and would be eager to meet in person to see if you guys are a good fit. Think of the dating apps like a starting point, you might start online but it can certainly go much further than that with opportunities for human face to face connection. Your desire for a romantic relationship is so relatable and very much real, keep going

JMMV2005

@briannat Thank you!

I guess I’ll just pursue my interests and keep working on myself and trying things and I guess I’ll meet people eventually, I think the best thing to do first is focus on myself and improve myself and my situation a bit then I can focus more on a relationship, but even then will I know what I’m doing? It just seems like such a big step, maybe it’ll happen more naturally than I think, a lot of things I used to fear in the past kind of sorted themselves out naturally

The speed dating sounds interesting, I’ll look into that at some point, what other sort of things do people go to to make relationships? I sort of don’t really understand how exactly people find partners

I’m still really wary of using dating apps though, I sort of wouldn’t feel safe and I just have a really bad feeling about it, maybe my fears getting the better of me, but I really would rather meet people in the real world the traditional way

I’ll just keep working on myself and try things, try and get some hobbies going, once I’m going with that I guess I can think about relationships more, I wish it wouldn’t play so much on my mind though, like I can’t stop thinking about it for some reason, maybe it’s my age I’m not sure, I guess I’ll just clear my mind and focus on other things

Thank you for the advice I’ll definitely take it on board