idk why i’m even posting this

shannonxg_

i feel like everyone hates me. i hate me too. i just wanna lock myself in my room and disappear from the world. i promise im safe right now.

i was meant to be at college today and i then didn’t go in. i don’t wanna go in tomorrow. or ever again. i have mock exams, actual exams and also assessments and deadlines soon too. i am struggling more than ever and just feel like im going in circles at the moment with inclusive learning / student wellbeing.

i just feel so so awful at this point. idk who to tell. i have no one. everyone hates me. i’m just an inconvenience to everybody. i can’t reach out for support because im scared of my mum finding out. she can’t know how bad i really feel. i really don’t know what to do anymore.

i didn’t know what else to do with this information because i can’t just sit with these feelings alone anymore.

shannonxg_

updateeeee:)

TW - mentions of self harm

i finally replied to the email from wellbeing officer and said about seeing her today (my options were today or tomorrow) because i know that i REALLY need to speak to someone and i also relapsed with self harm again - i am such a failure:(

briannat

Hello there Shannon,

My name is Brianna and I'm a moderator here on community. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now with college, as well as trying to take care of yourself and care for your own wellbeing. You've done well to reach out for support here by posting. It makes sense that you're feeling overwhelmed with everything at the moment. Exams, mock exams, assessments AND deadlines? That's gotta be exhausting.
You shared that you can't reach out for support because you don't want your mum finding out. I'm going to include some signposting here that you should be able to access without needing any parental involvement/permission.

https://sidebyside.mind.org.uk/
https://selfhelp.samaritans.org/
http://bodyandsoulcharity.org/sharethelove/

I hope the meeting with the wellbeing officer goes well. It's super positive that you responded despite it being difficult for you to do so. I imagine that must have taken a lot of effort on your part. You definitely deserve that support.

You said you relapsed again. I know this can be incredibly frustrating especially when you've tried so hard not to do so. It's important to be kind to yourself during this time to try and combat those feelings of shame and guilt that can arise Here is a link that talks about how to care for your wounds.

https://www.combined.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/attachments/self-harm-limiting-the-damage-camhs.pdf

It may not feel like nor seem like it, but it's clear that you're doing the best you can. I hope you can engage in an activity today that brings you a bit of joy, even if it's just a little bit. Maybe that's going for a walk, watching a favourite film or series, or eating something absolutely delicious

Sunshine12

shannonxg_ wrote: »

updateeeee:)

TW - mentions of self harm

i finally replied to the email from wellbeing officer and said about seeing her today (my options were today or tomorrow) because i know that i REALLY need to speak to someone and i also relapsed with self harm again - i am such a failure:(

hey, first of all well done for replying to ur wellbeing officer, i know it doesn't sound like a lot but it takes a lot of courage to reach out to someone for help, ur most definitely not a failure because u relapsed, everyone's recovery is different and there is no 'perfect' recovery, just u coming on here to talk about ur feelings shows part of u cares, and it shows how strong u are for doing so. I hope ur meeting with the officer goes well and they are understanding of ur feelings, sending lots of love

Sian321

Hey @shannonxg_ , my name's Sian and I'm one of the new mods here on Boards. I just wanted to jump on here to check in and see how you're doing?

It sounds like this past week has been extreamly exhausting and you feel like you've failed. I hear you, and just how dissapoinnted you were with yourself. And at the same time, I really want to echo what Brianna and Sunshine said above - that it's so clear that you're doing your very best to survive, to get through each day, and to juggle everything that's on your plate!

Living with mental health struggles is one of the hardest things a person can ever do. You deserve so much understanding, Shannon.

We're here for you. One day at a time. Keep us posted if you'd like to