Mom n dad 🫥

Rose113

I want a hug, a conversation with her. I miss my mom, my real mom the one that was meant to love me, the one that was meant to care. I miss my dad, he was the worst man on earth but I so badly wish I could tell him how much he hurt me, how much him and mom make my heart hurt, I wish I could just hug them even though they don’t love me. I wish I got to speak to dad before her died. I’m glad he’s dead…sort of. I just see it as karma especially because of what he died from. He deserved it. I want to talk to mom before she dies, I can’t find out she has past away the same way I did with dad through Facebook, everyday I check her Facebook because I can’t loose her especially when I don’t have answers for what she did, I guess I already lost her when she abused me but i don’t know I hate that they left me here with this woman, why did they not get better, why didn’t they choose to get better and then we would have been a family. My life would have been different…

Gemma

I’m so sorry you're feeling this way @Rose113. Your words carry such a deep weight of loss, longing, and hurt. It sounds like there’s this complicated blend of love and pain, especially with everything left unsaid between you and your parents. The ache of not having had the chance to talk to your dad, of feeling like your mom is distant and unavailable, and wanting answers - it's completely understandable to feel this way.

We're here to listen to anything you want to share or explore. What would you say to your mom if you could reach her? Or if you could go back, what would you want your younger self to know?

You don’t have to go through any of this alone. When feelings like these come up, there can be a real need for comfort and understanding, and so know that we're here for you.

Rose113

@Gemma i wish I had a parent that actually loves me, it’s all I’ve ever wanted that I miss her, I miss the woman that abused me, I know that’s stupid to say but it’s true, least I’d of been blood related to her

There’s so much I’d say to my younger self, not so nice things

Orchid059

@Rose113 You're carrying a heavy load here. It sounds like you have a lot of questions circling in your head- rightly so. It's okay to have these feelings regarding your biological parents because you deserve to have the answers, but I understand how frustrating it is not being able to get access to these answers.

Rose113 wrote: »

I wish I had a parent that actually loves me, it’s all I’ve ever wanted that I miss her, I miss the woman that abused me, I know that’s stupid to say but it’s true, least I’d of been blood related to her

There is a lot to unpick here but I can understand that longing to be loved by a parent. It's not stupid to feel this way despite what she did to you. Her absence will have stirred these feelings in you and it's good to get these thoughts off your chest- a source of closure for you almost. With regards to blood relation, unfortunately, those who we are related to by blood are not all they are meant to be, but we have that expectation that they have to be. How you feel is completely valid so make sure you take all the time you need to come to terms with it- just be patient with yourself.

Rose113 wrote: »

There’s so much I’d say to my younger self, not so nice things

With regards to this comment here, it sounds like you are being especially hard on yourself. Is there a reason why you feel this way?

Remember you are not alone in dealing with this, so keep reaching out for support

Rose113

@Orchid059 idk I just hate my younger self or anything to do with me

Orchid059

@Rose113 It is understandable to have these feelings but resenting your younger self isn't going to change the present you. It seems that you heavily blame yourself, but you are not at fault here so it's not fair to be so cruel to yourself. It's important to be kind to yourself whether that is past or present because you are the one who has to live your life with these thoughts.

You have been through so much and you deserve to feel happy and content with yourself. I hear how hard this is for you.

We are here for you River