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Arguing at work
Mistyinthesky
Posts: 2 Newbie
in Work & Study
Hi everyone,
At the moment I’m having quite a few issues with someone at work. At the start of work, she was treated badly by our boss and was really hurt. I was always on her side, I sort of treat her like an older sister and I didn’t want to do anything to upset her. I am part of the LGBT community and so is she, I didn’t really have anyone like her to look up to before but when I met her, I did and that’s why I value her so much, and her partner, I don’t want to lose them. as time went on, especially in the mornings, me and her would fall out. I tried to protect her by not telling her what others were saying about her, but I felt really guilty and I usually told her eventually. It was really bad timing, one of my other friends at work told me this, and I still feel incredibly guilty for telling her things when I did, as it was always early in the morning on the way to work and it just got intense. She got really angry at me for not saying anything and said that she didn’t think I should be keeping things like that from her. She left work one day because of it, but then I said sorry and she said she was being a bit dramatic. It was really stressful as I was always in between, wanting to be her friend and I look up to her so much, but also dealing with having to keep my job myself. Recently, my other friends at work have been saying a lot of things about her, even my boss, sometimes I agree, other times I think it’s too harsh and everyone’s making a big deal. I find it really hard to not get involved with the gossip, and not be rude sometimes, I know it’s bad, but it’s so difficult to not get caught up in these things.
The other day I got in in the morning and I said hi, and she went on her phone before the team meeting. I didn’t really speak to her too much as I thought she was a bit off and I just didn’t want to deal with it that day as it makes me nervous. Later on she said something that just sounded quite rude. I snapped because I’d had enough and got really worked up and she said that I hadn’t spoken to her all morning and we argued. I went to the front of the shop and cried (very embarrassingly). She was then still rude to me, but a manager saw and asked me if I was fine. I said no and explained sort of. the manager covered my break so I could cheer myself up. It takes a lot for me to get upset but I think I had just reached my breaking point of being so anxious as I was in between everyone and her all the time. I told my boss in my team meeting about her as well (not that she’s upsetting me but that she tends to take extremely long breaks and not care about others), but said it in a nicer more professional way. This girl ended up seeing I was upset and apologised to me eventually and we gave each other a hug and said sorry. She then said she was feeling ‘ill’ so went home but I know that wasn’t really why she went home. I made this little Halloween for my work friends in my team and even though she’s on holiday, I did text her saying that I gave hers to our other work friends kids but got her another one and left it in the office but no response. That’s what me and the other people at work do, we tend to just not care, we text each other whenever but she’s not like that but I’m worried she’s really mad at me.
I just feel bad as if I say what’s wrong, she gets upset, but if i don’t she is also mad. I told her the truth saying what she said hurt me, she said she didn’t realise, and also said she will keep her opinions to herself about everything. I wish I had never got angry because I don’t want her to keep her emotions inside, she can tell me, but I suppose I want her to also understand it’s difficult for me sometimes too and I’m doing my best to support everyone at our work. If anyone has any advice on how to help this situation going forward I would really appreciate it. I want to say sorry but I’ve said sorry so many times and I think it’s a bit awkward to bring it up again and say sorry again. I’m not sure whose fault it is, or if it’s anyone’s fault at all, maybe it’s all got a bit out of hand. Before we fell out, we were actually getting along quite nicely but I think I’ve ruined it.
At the moment I’m having quite a few issues with someone at work. At the start of work, she was treated badly by our boss and was really hurt. I was always on her side, I sort of treat her like an older sister and I didn’t want to do anything to upset her. I am part of the LGBT community and so is she, I didn’t really have anyone like her to look up to before but when I met her, I did and that’s why I value her so much, and her partner, I don’t want to lose them. as time went on, especially in the mornings, me and her would fall out. I tried to protect her by not telling her what others were saying about her, but I felt really guilty and I usually told her eventually. It was really bad timing, one of my other friends at work told me this, and I still feel incredibly guilty for telling her things when I did, as it was always early in the morning on the way to work and it just got intense. She got really angry at me for not saying anything and said that she didn’t think I should be keeping things like that from her. She left work one day because of it, but then I said sorry and she said she was being a bit dramatic. It was really stressful as I was always in between, wanting to be her friend and I look up to her so much, but also dealing with having to keep my job myself. Recently, my other friends at work have been saying a lot of things about her, even my boss, sometimes I agree, other times I think it’s too harsh and everyone’s making a big deal. I find it really hard to not get involved with the gossip, and not be rude sometimes, I know it’s bad, but it’s so difficult to not get caught up in these things.
The other day I got in in the morning and I said hi, and she went on her phone before the team meeting. I didn’t really speak to her too much as I thought she was a bit off and I just didn’t want to deal with it that day as it makes me nervous. Later on she said something that just sounded quite rude. I snapped because I’d had enough and got really worked up and she said that I hadn’t spoken to her all morning and we argued. I went to the front of the shop and cried (very embarrassingly). She was then still rude to me, but a manager saw and asked me if I was fine. I said no and explained sort of. the manager covered my break so I could cheer myself up. It takes a lot for me to get upset but I think I had just reached my breaking point of being so anxious as I was in between everyone and her all the time. I told my boss in my team meeting about her as well (not that she’s upsetting me but that she tends to take extremely long breaks and not care about others), but said it in a nicer more professional way. This girl ended up seeing I was upset and apologised to me eventually and we gave each other a hug and said sorry. She then said she was feeling ‘ill’ so went home but I know that wasn’t really why she went home. I made this little Halloween for my work friends in my team and even though she’s on holiday, I did text her saying that I gave hers to our other work friends kids but got her another one and left it in the office but no response. That’s what me and the other people at work do, we tend to just not care, we text each other whenever but she’s not like that but I’m worried she’s really mad at me.
I just feel bad as if I say what’s wrong, she gets upset, but if i don’t she is also mad. I told her the truth saying what she said hurt me, she said she didn’t realise, and also said she will keep her opinions to herself about everything. I wish I had never got angry because I don’t want her to keep her emotions inside, she can tell me, but I suppose I want her to also understand it’s difficult for me sometimes too and I’m doing my best to support everyone at our work. If anyone has any advice on how to help this situation going forward I would really appreciate it. I want to say sorry but I’ve said sorry so many times and I think it’s a bit awkward to bring it up again and say sorry again. I’m not sure whose fault it is, or if it’s anyone’s fault at all, maybe it’s all got a bit out of hand. Before we fell out, we were actually getting along quite nicely but I think I’ve ruined it.
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Comments
Sounds like work has been tough for you at the moment
It's super important to be able to strike a balance between being friendly with someone and being professional at work. With all the gossip i can see how that's been pretty difficult to do lately.
I can hear you were super conflicted on whether to tell your friend these rumours, that shows me you're a very kind person put in a pretty tough situation and you've done your best to try calm the situation after the fact - by apologising to her, including her in the office gift - even after she was rude to you in retaliation.
It sounds like she's put you in quite an unfair situation, no matter what you say to her it seems like she's not ready to have a calm conversation with you. This must be super difficult considering how close you were before
Since you have tried to apologise, she may just need some extra time to cool off, is there anyone else at work you'd be able to chat to for the time being to give her some space?
I have such a great time with the others in my team. I have some other friends I could definitely talk to, who I speak to anyway. I think we are good now, perhaps she just wants a complete break, but it still hurts. I just am worried when she comes back, what it’ll be like. I hope it’ll be okay.