Feeling different, isolated, and singled out in groups

Creativeboy23

I have recently completed a shift as a bartender with an agency. I think that others seem to focus on my shortcomings. One of my workmates told me to sit down when they sat down and eat some other food we were offered on our break. However, he smiled with my other co-workers, saying one of their names was nice. The problem with my teammate made me think I did not deserve to like my female colleagues. Employees of another team were telling me to eat something else. Overall, I felt different, singled out, isolated, and patronised. I felt these feelings for a long time whenever I joined groups. I have wanted to explore the emotions with my counsellor, but she problem-solved and minimised the feelings before trying to understand my experience when I felt them in the past. She suggested how my feelings may be inaccurate. I think others have misunderstood what I meant when I expressed the feelings because of my communication impairment. So, I have been stuck with these feelings for a while.

I think I am not as experienced in bar work as I thought. I was overwhelmed with managing and memorising multiple drink orders, although that is understandable; there were faulty tills, I struggled with pouring pints, and there were a few drinks I did not know. I struggled with navigating the drinks on the till, but I can always improve these skills. It was good that I asked my teammates and manager for support, but I felt I had to keep going to them whenever I struggled. One of my teammates was angry when helping me, which increased my stress, although it was not directed at me. I remember him apologising, but my experience has made me scared about doing other shifts. I have never had this experience when I did bar work in the past.