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0 days. tw 😣

eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
im back at 0 days for sh im so mad at myself i was doing sort of well now im back at 0. dad is mad at me bc i sh now im having him shout at me i feel like i let everyone down even my dead mum who’s in heaven. i hate myself i hate myself sm i fucking give up with everything. im such a failure 😭😭.im safe. ive tried my best to carry on but its to hard it rly is bc i have noone to turn to :(. i don’t trust helplines i rly domt bc they called police on me other day bc i needed to go hospital but im so upset rn bc he is being so horrible i feel unsafe sometimes bc of him but im saf3 rn. idk why im being put through this i dont deserve it :(.
keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

Comments

  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,344 Boards Champion
    I’m so sorry @eylah
    It’s ok. You’re having a really shit time. You’re doing really well to be getting through it at all 🫂 I can’t believe your dad is like that, it’s really not right. You’re not a failure. No matter what your dad says.
    You haven’t let your mum down. I expect this is something she never ever wanted you to experience. You’re allowed to struggle and fall back into bad habits etc when something terrible happens, I think it’s only natural.
    You haven’t let us down. You’re so strong. Think of something nice to do for yourself each day. Maybe some digital art? Maybe watch a film? I dont know, just something pleasant that’ll hopefully lift your mood a little. This is quite likely the hardest thing you’ll ever experience so I promise you it’s okay to struggle and for things to go wrong. You don’t deserve this at all 🫂🫂🫂
  • GemmaGemma Posts: 1,095 Wise Owl
    I'm so so sorry you're feeling like this right now @eylah, and I just want you to know that you are not a failure, even though I know it feels that way. I get how upsetting it is to feel like you're back at day one, but it doesn’t erase all the strength and progress you’ve shown before. You’re still here, still trying, and that means so much more than you realise right now. <3

    It’s incredibly hard to deal with your dad being angry on top of everything else, especially when you're already feeling so low. You didn’t let anyone down, including your mum. I'm sure she loved you, and she wouldn’t want you to be so hard on yourself. Grief and pain make everything feel heavier, but I'm sure your mum would want you to be kind to yourself right now, even if that feels impossible.

    When you say you sometimes feel unsafe from your dad, can you share a bit more with us on what that looks like? We care about you and your safety. <3

    Is there anything that brings you some comfort, or anyone else you feel you can talk to when your dad is being hurtful? It’s really important that you know you don’t deserve any of the pain you’re going through, and you don’t deserve to be treated badly. You’re worth so much more than that, and none of this is your fault.

    Please, be gentle with yourself right now. You’re not a failure for struggling, and your life is worth more than the pain you're feeling in this moment. What’s one thing you could do for yourself right now that feels just a little bit kind?

    We're here for you <3
    ♡♡♡
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,526 Extreme Poster
    sending you lots of hugs @eylah

    it's not a failure to be back at day 1 - the recovery process is never really a straight line thing. setbacks happen and that's okay. with everything going on you've been so so strong and you haven't let anyone down

    we're still super proud of you and here for you
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    edited September 22
    dad scares me bc of how angry he gets i wish i knew why hes being so aggressive to me bc its upsetting me sm idk how else to cope with him bc im at a loss idk who else i have i don’t think i have anyone my sister isnt supportive abt anything i feel so im alone. its hard constantly wanting to leave earth all the time its so hard. im safe im feeling less stressed today bc dad gone out so im happy bc of that :).
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Posts: 5,267 Part of The Furniture
    As you have already said @eylah, you really don't deserve this. Your feelings are valid and you don't deserve to keep being hurt and left without support.

    We are here with you and so proud of you for keep trying, even when you don't want to be here. Glad to hear you have some space from your dad and feeling less stressed as a result!

    Are you able to name just one thing which is keeping you here at the moment? We are listening to you <3
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  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    im not sure what is keeping me here i rly dont know :(.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    edited September 23
    trying hard to not go backwards again im such a disappointment. :( im safe
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • amy02amy02 Posts: 271 The Mix Regular
    Glad to hear you're safe @eylah it's so understandable why you're struggling at the moment - you have so much going on <3 You are definitely not a disappointment and are just trying your best in such difficult circumstances. We care about you and are here to listen :3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    thankyou i appreciate it sm <3.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    im scared :(.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    im back at 0 im safe. it got to much and im in pain and my thoughts are horrible bc im overthinking. im safe.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    edited October 5
    0 again feel stupid for relapsing with sh im supposed to be happy bc im moving out from dad :/. im safe
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    idk now bc im looking for furniture for it bc my sister is helping me bc im struggling with it but dad now found out abt my sh :/.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • AoifeAoife Posts: 3,222 Boards Guru
    Sending lots of hugs your way @eylah. You're not stupid in any way and I can really hear how much you're struggling. It can be really hard when we expect ourselves to feel a certain way but it sounds like there's a lot weighing on you, even though some things are looking up in terms of moving out from living with your dad. Just know that it's okay to have mixed feelings, and you're not alone in that <3

    Do you feel comfy sharing more with us about what's been going on for you? From reading some of your other threads, it sounds like there's so much going on right now. We're all here for you through this :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    a lot is going on rn with investigations then other stuff from my dad. his abuse is why im being helped by social services bc of how unsafe it is here so they helping me get a flat in under a week. im safe now dw just in long term.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Orchid059Orchid059 Posts: 271 The Mix Regular
    I can understand how difficult this is for you at the moment @eylah. Hopefully, the involvement of social services will be beneficial for you moving forward. I know it is not ideal but they have your best interests at heart. How are you feeling with everything going on at the moment?

    We are here for you Eylah <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    im struggling sm with sh rn im having to hide it bc of dad but its so draining rn bc i just want to be happy but bc of everything i cant. :heartbreak: im safe .
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    he saw it last night and kicked of he dosent care. abt me he just finding everything excuse to be horrible to me. :/
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 3,878 Community Veteran
    he needs to stop sm i had enough of this.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Posts: 5,267 Part of The Furniture
    You don't deserve this at all @eylah. You deserve to be happy but your feelings are all valid here. We are all here with you and we are super glad to hear you are safe.

    By the way, I absolutely adore your Halloween picture! <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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