Everything is just a mess 💔😭

Rose113

TW// suicide, self harm, emergency services, relationship issues

Feelings
I’m barely hanging on with everything going on and I’m just exhausted and drained and feeling so deflated and all round crap. Last night I hit a really low point where I just didn’t want to be here anymore and cried for hours till I fell asleep which caused me to wake up feeling so unwell. I’m in college today and I feel like I’m just having to mask it all when really I just want to curl up in a corner and cry till it gets better.

Suicide
Last night I got a call and I found out I lost one of my other friends to suicide which I immediately started crying which felt like I had been for hours. I started getting bad thoughts and I just wanted everything to end. I still haven’t heard from my other friend who I called emergency services on yesterday morning 💔

self harm
Im 1 month 26 days which I’m finding it difficult to maintain and keeps track without breaking it 😕 it’s just so hard when I want to do it but I know when thing get back on track that I won’t need to do it.

Relationships
So I’m dating this guy called O and I’m find him so insensitive and stuff and it’s like he just doesn’t care or understands me at all and I hate it, he flirts with my best friend and he’s never supportive. He makes me want to scream at him.

College
I love college but I can’t keep up with the work and everything about it, on most days I’m out till 7 and finish classes at 5 and then I have tons of projects to do and most of them are recording myself speaking which I just sound so deflated and drained on them 💔

Rose113

Ex boyfriend
We just got into a blazing row and now we’re aren’t together, he’s a bastart, an insensitive bastard I have no energy to be sad about it or anything, I couldnt care less

independent_

It sounds like you might be better off without him anyway, he sounds like a prick!

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so crap. Hold on to that 1 month 26 days, it’s so hard in the early stages but it does get easier over time. I’m so proud of you.

I’m sorry for the loss of your friend, and it must be hard not hearing from your other friend. They might just be gathering their own thoughts and processing things.

You will get into a routine with college, you’ve just started and it’s a shock at the beginning with all the work for sure.

Hugs, you will get back on track, remember that.

Orchid059

Hi @Rose113 it sounds like you have got a lot on your plate at the moment so it is normal to feel overwhelmed. I am sorry to hear about your friend it sounds like you were very close. Remember at this time to be patient with yourself and to take all the time you need to look after yourself. You mentioned that you've been feeling low recently and it all feels too much. From what I understand the loss of your friend and the concern for your other friend has taken a considerable toll on yourself. This is understandable and with all the weight you are carrying right now must feel a lot. While it is important to look out for others it's also important to prioritise yourself too here. Are there any coping strategies that you have used in the past that you might be able to utilise in this instance? I do understand that SH is at the back of your mind but you are doing so well to have gone so long without. You should feel really proud of yourself. Remember that recovery is a marathon not a sprint so it will take time, but it will be that more rewarding. If it is all feeling like too much remember that you have support from https://samaritans.org/ and https://papyrus-uk.org/ You are doing so well to reach out for support during this time as I can understand how daunting it is to do so.

Hopefully, the decision to split up with your boyfriend will ease some of the weight you've had placed on you, as it sounds like he was adding more stress than he was worth. Well done for knowing your worth and to decide to end things when he was no longer aligning with your standards. And while it may feel like a relief that he is no longer in the picture, I can imagine you are still feeling some level of sadness as break-ups are never pleasant.

Regarding college, it sounds like its a bit chaotic at the moment but it always is in the first few weeks and hopefully it will settle down soon. Remember to just take it day by day and not to put too many expectations on yourself as this can sometimes add more pressure. I'd recommend talking to your school counsellor if you feel things are continuing to be too much, as they will be able to put contingency plans in place to best support you.

I have attached some useful links for you to look at if you need them. Cruse offers grief and bereavement support via phone, email, and face-to-face. You can call their free helpline on 0808 808 1677 (Monday - Friday, 9.30 - 5pm, extended to 8pm on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays) or visit their website for more support.https://cruse.org.uk/. Hope Again is a website created for young people by young people affected by bereavement. It offers a community of peer support, as well as a support service via email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk https://hopeagain.org.uk/