Melting down autistic style(funny title but the topic is /srs)

Im on the verge of having an autistic meltdown rn and can’t tell to the relatives. That’s why im writing here. My grandma started scolding me for it, saying that my aunt has 3 kids and i have to help. Like its my fucking fault. Im not her god gamn babysitter. Like uh oh, who knew that having 3 kids in a row IS FUCKING HARD HUHHHH?????????? Then i was told that i shouldve stayed home and not go to my relatives’ house, again by my gran gran. (Sorry for swearing)

Edit: im still at it , writing just to distract. I cant even get some space, people see a person who’s forcefully pressing a pillow to their head and decide it’s a good idea to bug me. I hate kids now, they’re stupid and absolutely insufferable. Will have to do this dumb ahh confrontation with my grandma later. Probably will be asked about it. I just hope the main wave of suffering(tm) has ended.

Oh and i also get this crazy paranoia thingie(tho iths not a panic attack im having, I checked symptoms) where im irrationally scared that someones in the dark(im afraid of darkness) very fun too

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Comments

EmLiz

@dZhenGa I can hear how frustrated you're feeling and wanted to say first off well done for reaching out and using this space to get your thoughts and feelings about this situation out. It's exactly what we're here for - as well as a friendly face and some extra support!

It sounds like a frustrating situation as from what I know about autistic meltdowns the number one thing is to remove triggers which sounded like it wasn't possible. On top of that often when someone else's choices or lifestyles start to impact our own it can be quite confronting (and annoying!) but I hope you were able to manage okay in the end. I also wanted to say I'm sorry you were getting scolded for something beyond your control - again I can see how this would feel unfair. How did the rest of the visit go?

I also wanted to ask why you felt unable to tell your relatives if you don't mind sharing? Hopefully in the future they can come to understand how they can help you in this situation as well

Former Member

@EmLiz

On top of that often when someone else's choices or lifestyles start to impact our own it can be quite confronting (and annoying!)

Btw i dont care how many kids my aunt has or whatever, it might’ve sounded harsh but im like happy for her, cause she wanted many kids, so good for her.

It sounds like a frustrating situation as from what I know about autistic meltdowns the number one thing is to remove triggers which sounded like it wasn't possible.

But obviously it wasn’t helping that the kiddies r loud. My fellas were wilding all the time i was there, and because of that + many other things that are disregulating, like new environment, sensory issues, plan disruptions, masking, etc., i was on edge the entire time, I barely managed to calm down couple of times, but that day just broke me.

How did the rest of the visit go?

It’s still going, im gonna be @ their place until the end of the month(almost). I just hope I could get more privacy somehow. Because im currently sharing a room with my grandma, and this room also has a bathroom, where all the people go for some reason(even though there’s another one, that is not in someone’s room.)

I also wanted to ask why you felt unable to tell your relatives if you don't mind sharing?

Short explanation: I make an educated guess that no-one would care or believe me. If i tell them i might be nd they would just call me crazy for thinking that. I also have rejection sensitive dysphoria, so humiliation is my biggest meltdown trigger. That’s a whole another story that is very emotional for me too.