Struggling with life

Creativeboy23

Hello.

I received a message from my mum telling me my brother had left some blue and yellow trainers, white tops and blue jeans to match up. It was very generous of him, but it triggered many painful memories. The situation reminded me of being told how I should dress, making me think the same thing would happen. I was thinking someone would be dismissing my experience because a helpline worker said to me that a situation I was worrying about should be exciting but it did not seem that way at all. I have planned to buy some new clothes, but I am just thinking about the prices because things are expensive these days. I was planning to go out to get some clothes but I have been procrastinating. Others have supported the other person’s feelings in the past, making me feel invalidated.

Then, I ended up having memories of when my dad hurt me and then put on an act, even though I do not live with him anymore. Others were about where I felt isolated when my brother would that I never get what they are trying to say.

Laura_tigger82

Hey @Creativeboy23. You have been really brave in reaching out to us.

We can hear your conflicting feelings: you recognise this as a kind thing your brother did but it also brought up some painful memories. Is there anything which might help you whilst you are being reminded of these painful memories?

Your feelings are valid. We can also hear how you would like some new clothes but are struggling with the cost of new clothes at the moment and you have been procrastinating purchasing new clothes.

Is there a way you might be able to buy new clothes which are slightly more affordable? For example, I would often shop in Primark, sports shops and charity shops when I needed more affordable clothing. I recognise and appreciate that we are all different though

Creativeboy23

Hello @Laura_tigger82.

Yes. There is. I had a plan of where to buy clothes but it just seemed difficult to take that first step because I was always spending money on things when I want to get them. I was just worried I may end up spending a lot in a week.

I was unsure of what would help me when I was experiencing the painful memories. It does not seem like anything works.

EmLiz

@Creativeboy23 I just wanted to check in to see how you were doing? Like Laura said reaching out for support is a really brave step in itself

Sorry to hear you've been experiencing painful memories. I wondered what you had tried to help you with those so far? Is it something you feel able to talk to anyone about or have you focussed more on coping techniques?

Always remember we're here for you when you do need some support in the meantime.

Creativeboy23

Hello @EmLiz.

I cannot remember what the painful memories were now, and I struggled to think about trying coping strategies. My brain works differently due to my autism, so it is hard to know what coping strategies help. I struggle with regulating my emotions.

I have not been doing good. I have been struggling to get up early, causing me to be in a mood. It brought up a memory of when my support worker told me not to be afraid to ask questions without acknowledging why I might be fearful. Then, I imagined him discussing it with my other support worker. I also felt he would tell me I should have considered the cost of getting a taxi before applying for a job. So, I have felt isolated and judged. I plan to try an app called Silvercloud to challenge my thoughts.

Amy22

Hi @Creativeboy23 I noticed you mentioned about the app called Silvercloud. I have used that before in the past and I can say it can be super handy to write down all of your feelings and thoughts. They even got free courses on things such as anxiety and emotions on there too. I used it for six months and you would basically keep a journal of thoughts which would then be monitored and you would have someone who would support you and ask questions as to why you may be feeling a certain way. I hope you are doing okay at the moment .

Creativeboy23

Hello @Amy22.

Thank you for reaching out to share your experience of using Silvercloud.

I am slowly getting there. Hope you are doing okay.