“It gets better”

Does it get better? Or is this just something people tell themselves and others to get through the present moment ? Has anyone here ever actually felt the shift where things feel better and happier after feeling hopeless
for so long ?

Or is it the case that some people are just unlucky and are dealt shite hands the whole time ?

Are there always solutions to problems ? Or do you just have to either live with stuff or don’t

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independent_

I think some people are just dealt shit cards in life. Sucks to say it but I definitely feel that way. One thing can get better and then there’s another thing to add to the growing pile of things.

I guess it’s very individual. I’ve went through times where I feel better, but that doesn’t mean my situation is better. And I’ve went through times when my situation is better but I don’t feel better. I’ve heard of people recovering from things like depression, so it is definitely possible for some, but that takes real work which is hard to do when depressed if that makes sense? I’m interested to hear others perspective on this

Former Member

Thanks for the honesty. That was my thinking too , rhst it just comes down to how strong and willing they are to get through each day.

Jellyelephant

Hey lovely,

I wanted to add a message here to say I think things can definitely get better. I used to be agoraphobic and was in and out of hospital multiple times a month, self harming etc. I had to have a social care package with someone to support me daily because I couldn’t look after myself.

After lots of therapy and hard work I believe things are a hell of a lot better for me. I no longer self harm, I’m not ending up in hospital, I’m not agoraphobic anymore, I have just qualified as a psych nurse to help others. I look after myself.

Sorry to have rabbited on about my own story but I thought it was important to say things can improve and get better. I didn’t use to believe people when they told me that but for me it was true. Of course I’m not saying it was easy at all, it’s been hard work and sometimes I still struggle but I cope lots better with it now and I’m so glad I didn’t give up.

Sending hugs
Jelly x

Former Member

You’ve done great things with your life @Jellyelephant thanks for sharing , proud of ya always 💙

Former Member

Just adding to this post because it feels fitting given the topic

TW// Mentions suicide

A lady I met at mass said to me

“The lord gives you hurdles He knows you can get over” it made me laugh . Why would He test me and if suicide is such a sin, why would he test anyone in the first place, especially to the degree where there is no other escape . Ah sure I’ve always been faithful but lately I’m wondering if it’s all a load of shite. Just like when people say “it gets better” all this religion crap is probably the same false hope we hold onto. My issues aren’t so much MH. I was diagnosed with OCD and have a hard time with that but my main issues are family and no one wanting to / knowing how to help due to our ethnicity

sinead276

Thought i'd add and say that I personally like to think that things have at least the potential to get better.

I also like the viewpoint that some take in the idea of seeing it things like waves in the ocean. you've got your good points (the tops of waves) and bad points (bottom of waves). Sometimes there are lots of waves when the sea is stormy (things in life feel all over the place and chaotic), and other times the sea is calm (life is calmer).

I think we never truly know what is round the corner, but i think taking the mindset that it won't always be hard or bad can often be the first step in things actually becoming better

eylah

i follow this girl. she went through mh crisis. sh etc. but she went on a dance tv show. and she now speaks abt mh. and from her and seein her. i believe it does get better. her names jaz. she a inspiration.

sinead276

eylah wrote: »

i follow this girl. she went through mh crisis. sh etc. but she went on a dance tv show. and she now speaks abt mh. and from her and seein her. i believe it does get better. her names jaz. she a inspiration.

you've just completely unlocked a memory for me there. I remember seeing her tiktoks during lockdowns etc but i've not seen anything from her for a bit. I completely agree though I think she's a beautiful example of how things can get better.

eylah

sinead276 wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

i follow this girl. she went through mh crisis. sh etc. but she went on a dance tv show. and she now speaks abt mh. and from her and seein her. i believe it does get better. her names jaz. she a inspiration.

you've just completely unlocked a memory for me there. I remember seeing her tiktoks during lockdowns etc but i've not seen anything from her for a bit. I completely agree though I think she's a beautiful example of how things can get better.

yes. jazz thornton. she did a documentry. abt her when she was in crisis once. ‘ a girl on the bridge’. she a true example. on life gets better.

AnonymousToe

This is interesting to think about actually. I don’t think I’ve lived for long enough to actually know if things get better lol but things can change a lot. Something Covid taught me is that we really can’t predict what’s gonna happen in the future, sometimes crazy things happen that change your life completely.

I think some things do get better, but other things we just learn to cope with and are better able to manage them. I think there are things that don’t go away and problems that can’t be solved, but we can work around them and make the best of what we have. Like for example I’m always going to have anxiety, I’ve always had it, my parents have it, etc. but it’s up and down. It doesn’t always have control of my life, and there are things I’ve learnt to manage it. It’s still always gonna be there, you can’t eradicate an emotion, but I think I generally feel less of it than I used to. It gets better, and then it gets worse again, and then better again. So I suppose in those worst moments it is true that it gets better. I don’t have enough life experience to have a definitive answer though.

As for feeling a shift to things getting better, for me it was kind of a gradual process and I didn’t really realise I was doing better until I looked back. I really struggled in late 2020, nothing actually serious but I did some very very mild SH and I felt like absolute crap for months. That got better. Gradually.

The only thing that was a sudden improvement for me was medication (antidepressants). The adjustment period was pretty awful but eventually it just made me feel happy again. Like I wasn’t cured or anything but my lows were easier to get out of, and my highs were more high. I could feel excited about things again and think about the future without feeling suicidal. It wasn’t perfect in any way but it was a massive improvement and that in itself made me feel better too so that helped. I’ve been taking it for about 18 months now and yeah I still struggle but I struggle a little less and it’s easier to pick myself back up. It feels rubbish sometimes but if I look back to a few years ago, that helps me to see that things really have got better.

I’m not religious but in my life things have seemed to have a crazy way of working out alright in the end. Things can feel totally hopeless and then it just all works out and I’m ok.

You’ve said your main problem is the family stuff and them not helping you. That’s potentially something that isn’t going to change - you can’t really change other people (no matter how much I beg my mum to get rid of stuff 🥲😂) BUT you will be ok. There are people out there who are supportive. You don’t have to be stuck in that way of life forever. Even if your family never support you, you can find people who will. I don’t know if that counts as it ‘getting better’ to you, but hopefully you will feel better.

So… do things get better? I’d say yes, but not always in the way you’d expect.

Redemption

Slinky wrote: »

Does it get better? Or is this just something people tell themselves and others to get through the present moment ? Has anyone here ever actually felt the shift where things feel better and happier after feeling hopeless
for so long ?

Or is it the case that some people are just unlucky and are dealt shite hands the whole time ?

Are there always solutions to problems ? Or do you just have to either live with stuff or don’t

@Slinky
Im having a tough time too but it will get better for both of us mate, I promise.

Past User

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eylah

Chloe234 wrote: »

@eylah I adore Jazz she's such an inspiration and such an amazing mh advocate

shes the best.

Former Member

Cheers everyone, your thoughts and experiences have been insightful, really.

Some comments on here are really logical and make a lot of sense, no one's life is going to be 'good' the whole time. I guess, my thoughts weren't necessarily only mh related. Take for example, at our Church we run a soup kitchen and every Sunday we have an elderly woman visit, She's a cute old thing with not a bad bone in her body.. but she has no pension and the council does not give her enough money to survive on, she has to pick between electricity or turf to light her fire. Her family moved away and she has essentially been neglected by everyone, family, professionals, etc. Sure I do be chatting with her and I asked her does she ever feel sad about her life, she said sure you should ask do I ever feel happy.

I guess my thinking goes... Will things get better for her? Likely not. So if she turned around and said I'm suicidal - sinful or not - who's to judge her for that? Are there solutions? I mean ya, there are but will they work ... again, likely not.

I've enjoyed reading your thoughts, here are mine :

Do I think life gets better?
For some people, genuinely, I don't think it does. I think that everyone has good days but I do truly believe that some people have so many bad days that the good days just can't outweigh them.

Are there solutions to every problem?
No. If I've learnt anything from my life so far it's that it's unequal and circumstances like socio-economic status, health, access to resources, ethnicity, family background, age etc etc etc etc can massively impact a persons quality of life. Marginalized groups like the elderly and ethnic miniorities and those with severe mental health conditions usually face barriers that make it almost impossible to relieve them from their struggles. They can reach out a million times and it will fall on deaf ears. I know a few of you on here will be able to relate to that.

I'm not saying your life can't get better btw guys but I am going to stop saying, "things will get better" because for those repeatedly denied help, this phrase just feels like hollow reassurance

Anyway, I realise this might come across as very pessimistic, sorry for that . I'm usually fairly optimistic but I do think these are harsh realities. It's hard sometimes to keep a balance between optimism and realism.

but sure if anyone has any other thoughts feel free to share, or if you disagree with anything I've said, not that this is a debate, I'm just curious.