my mum. :( ( addiction )

eylah

im going through a lot rn. with my mum. she is currently seriouslyunwell atm. her alcohol addiction got to much and she caused herself badly unwell. shes in hospital rn. on a breathinh machine. i blame myself. i do. bc my oldest sister said its my dault that she is in hospital. that my mh caused her to do that to herself. i cant sleep at night knowing that. it hurts me sm. . i want mum to get better. but scared she might pass away frim this. im 18 years old. i cant lose my mum. . yeh she hurt me before but. i need her. i cant live wifh my dad sll my life. hes so negative . he is really rude. i carry guilt. i cant stop blaking myself. it kills me. im struggling sm. i miss my mum. i feel awful for not seeing her. but bc im scared of seeing her with machines etc. i cant bring myself to it. i dont like the hospital she at. it has to many memories. from police etc. but i am so scared. i am restless. i dont knkw what to do with my life. or how to function. im going through so much rn. i am broken. . i feel like my life has crushed to hell. when theres a update will post here. instead of threads. . feel so bad rn. i cant sleep as im crying sm. it’s broken me. .

idk if this is in right place. sry .

AnonymousToe

I promise it’s not your fault @eylah it’s not like you’ve chosen to struggle with your mental health so even if that has contributed to your mum’s situation, that doesn’t make it your fault. Maybe she feels worse because you’re struggling but she must have been struggling herself anyway because someone who’s mentally healthy would not react like that to their child struggling. That’s not me trying to insult your mum or anything, I just mean this really isn’t something you’ve caused. Plus, she chose to have a child anyway. It’s her job to take care of you, she signed up for the possibility of all sorts happening. Please try not to blame yourself. Perhaps your sister just wants something to let out her frustration onto. I really hope your mum is ok

eylah

@AnonymousToe . appreciate the kindness. i think my sister is letting her emotion onto me. which isnt fair as im going through my own shit. and dont need her too. thwy havent found a suitable donor yet. . so still waiting. hoping soon. as she needs that transplant. . thank you.

sinead276

@eylah Just wanted to say I completely agree with @AnonymousToe - as hard as it probably is for your mind to accept, the blame for what happened isn't on you. so make sure you take care of yourself and your mental health too.

and I also agree that your sister is probably just frustrated at the situation you are all currently in and, although she shouldn't do it, maybe sees you as a place to direct the frustration. Although i want to make it absolutely clear that what she's saying is not true and you are NOT responsible for what happened to your mum.

Fingers crossed she gets better soon and a donor comes along for her.

Sending hugs
Sinead

eylah

thank you. she did that before. so idk. she was blaming me for stuff before. so idk.

eylah

dad doesnt want me. so im stuck alone. in my own head. fighting til a donor comes available. for mum.

eylah

possible match. want this to be true. not dake like my sister been promising me.

eylah

yep. the match has been confirmed. sister told me. she will be having surgery soon. . i need a hug.

AnonymousToe

I hope it all goes well @eylah

Former Member

Thinking of you @eylah hope it all goes well 💙

eylah

thank you. @AnonymousToe @Slinky . when i get an update will say. im so worried abt her.

Maisy

It sounds like you've had a really difficult time with your mum and her addiction. It sounds like your sister has struggled too and has wrongly blamed you for your mum being in hospital. Addiction is an awful thing to go through (and for others to see loved ones addicted too) but it's often the nature of addiction that makes things worse- feeling like they need a drink all the time, even to the point of being really unwell and needing hospital treatment. Even if your mental health was okay, chances are, your mum may still struggle with addiction.

18 is still quite young and so it makes sense that you really don't want to lose your mum. Despite any past hurts, you still need her in your life. It's okay if you don't want to see your mum in hospital at the moment. It's natural to feel scared or upset at the thought of seeing your mum in hospital hooked up to all sorts of machines. And more so if you already have difficult memories of that particular hospital.

Right now, things are stressful and upsetting for you. The best thing you can do is to look after yourself. If you feel upset, let yourself cry. If you don't want to see your mum, realise that it's okay given everything you have been through. If you want to see your mum, perhaps consider taking someone with you to make things a bit easier for you.

I'm really glad that a match has been found. This is promising and fingers crossed, things will be okay. Hopefully, the hospital will recommend treatment for your mum to help her manage her addiction. If you want, maybe you could ask if there is support for family members of those with addiction? It might help you to realise that you aren't alone in this at all.

Keep us updated

eylah

Maisy wrote: »

It sounds like you've had a really difficult time with your mum and her addiction. It sounds like your sister has struggled too and has wrongly blamed you for your mum being in hospital. Addiction is an awful thing to go through (and for others to see loved ones addicted too) but it's often the nature of addiction that makes things worse- feeling like they need a drink all the time, even to the point of being really unwell and needing hospital treatment. Even if your mental health was okay, chances are, your mum may still struggle with addiction.

18 is still quite young and so it makes sense that you really don't want to lose your mum. Despite any past hurts, you still need her in your life. It's okay if you don't want to see your mum in hospital at the moment. It's natural to feel scared or upset at the thought of seeing your mum in hospital hooked up to all sorts of machines. And more so if you already have difficult memories of that particular hospital.

Right now, things are stressful and upsetting for you. The best thing you can do is to look after yourself. If you feel upset, let yourself cry. If you don't want to see your mum, realise that it's okay given everything you have been through. If you want to see your mum, perhaps consider taking someone with you to make things a bit easier for you.

I'm really glad that a match has been found. This is promising and fingers crossed, things will be okay. Hopefully, the hospital will recommend treatment for your mum to help her manage her addiction. If you want, maybe you could ask if there is support for family members of those with addiction? It might help you to realise that you aren't alone in this at all.

Keep us updated

thank you. she in surgery rn. waiting for update. but thank you. appreciate the reply. maisy. hope your ok.

sinead276

hopefully the surgery goes well for her and she can start to get on the mend and things can start to hopefully look a bit more positive for you.

I hope you are doing okay and sending you a big hug
Sinead

eylah

thank you. she still in theatre. so just sat here crying. idk how shell recover.

eylah

im putting this here stead of hug thread. they are gonna try take her off tmr. im scared.:(

Gemma

Hey @eylah, it's so positive to hear that they found a match and your mum has had surgery. How is she recovering so far?

Keep us updated - I know it's such a frightening time when a family member is so unwell. We're here for you.

eylah

@Gemma . in abt a hour they are gonna try take her of the breathing machine. so im very nervous for that. i hope she can come of it.

Amy22

That sounds like a lot to be going through right now @eylah and I am sure like everyone else is here that it is definitely not your fault that your mum is in hospital. You have been trying so hard to keep your family together even keeping your mum safe. Addiction can be super hard and I can imagine your mum has been struggling trying to deal with her addiction and getting better. It sounds like your older sister has been blaming you especially ur dad which I think is wrong because you didn't cause anything wrong at all. Sometimes I think people can often feel angry in the hardest and lowest times of their life and find it easier to take their worry and anger out on others which isn't often the way forward. However, I am always here for you if you do need someone right now . Big hugs, I hope your mum is doing okay and that the surgery went very well and she is able to come off the breathing machine and make a super speedy recovery.

Sending hugs,

Amy22

eylah

appreciate it. @Amy22 . want my mum home.

Amy22

@eylah I can imagine that you want her home soon because you want to take care of her and make sure that she is doing well. You seem like a very caring person and that's a great quality to have. I also wanted to mention always remember to look after yourself too as well as others because I know it can be super draining having to look after others. . It may seem tough right now but I can promise eventually things will become better and much easier.

eylah

@Amy22 . having a lavendar bath later. cant wait.

eylah

she is breathing on her own.

Gemma

eylah wrote: »

she is breathing on her own.

This is so positive to hear @eylah - that must be such a relief for you. How is she doing this morning?

eylah

mum is still very sleepy. they still keeping her in icu. but she breathing on her own.

Former Member

I'm really sorry to hear that your mum has been unwell, it must be so difficult for you all. It looks like she's been in safe hands and i'm really glad to hear that. I hope she feels better soon and that you are looking after yourself during this tricky time

eylah

thank you. im not coping well atm. its all to much for me. my head cant take it all. she alive. main thing. thank you. @Anonymoose1 .

Former Member

I can see why you might be feeling that way. It does sound very overwhelming and a lot for any one person to handle. Are you doing anything to take care of yourself to take your mind away what's happening with your mum? I know that might be really difficult to do when she's been so unwell

eylah

Anonymoose1 wrote: »

I can see why you might be feeling that way. It does sound very overwhelming and a lot for any one person to handle. Are you doing anything to take care of yourself to take your mind away what's happening with your mum? I know that might be really difficult to do when she's been so unwell

shes in hospital still. im finding it hard to do anything. due to my ex. and not feeling safe outside from him. im struggling with it all. . thank you. again.

Azziman

Hey @eylah, thank you for continuing to share your feelings with us here, I hope that it gives you an outlet and lifts some weight off your shoulders. I just wanted to check in on how you're doing today?

I can hear that this ordeal has been really tough on you, and you're doing ever so well to keep going. It's reassuring to know that your mum is being looked after at the hospital, she's in safe hands. Keeping taking things one at a time, and please feel free to keep us informed on how you're getting on. I know it can be hard, but please make sure you're looking after yourself through this too. Even small things you can do to ease the tension can be positive. Is there something like that that you can be doing for yourself?

We're here to support you and listen to you through all this

eylah

thank you. @Azziman . . im not well. im really poorly. but thank you for asking. i brushed my hair first time in ages. but lookin after myself is not goin gd atm. appreciate your reply and kindness.