Situation with my sister (part 1)

Rose113

My 14 year old sister has apparently got FND which I don't really not weather to believe her or not. If her friends have something she automatically has it like awhile ago when my sister found out about my irlen syndrome automatically the next week she apparently had it too, its been like this with alot of things. You can't tell her anything.

Me and her dont live together, she was adopted into a different family when we was split up. Her parents are screwing her up and then they send her to me just to be her therapist and I've been left to pick up the peices of there stupidity. Me and my sister dont have the same back story, we have different files. She was just abandoned, she wasn't abused like the rest of us. Her parents are causing her trauma and telling her the stuff she hasn't experienced at not an appropriate age.

As some of you know that I was thinking of meeting my real mum and my other brothers and my sisters parents found out and what did they do...they just had to do it first. After thinking about it for over 5 months I decided it wasn't a good idea for me and ive chosen a safer and different route (ill share that a bit later on)

A couple of months ago my sister tried to get in contact with our brothers to meet up with them and they refused contact so my sisters parents have jumped straight to meeting our birth mum just because our brother refused contact.

Then her parents told her to ask me about meeting our mum together and I refused because im not ready and I know it wouldn't be a safe option for me. Her parents are always forcing stuff upon me and ultimately it's ruined mine and my sisters relationship. My sister has no boundaries and she hasn't had it growing up where as ive had those boundaries and I still have them with some things.

Our relationship turned one way, we weren't sisters anymore...I was just her therapist and I hated it. So I cut contact with her for the foreseeable future cos I have to do what's right for me.

Going back to what I said in the 3rd paragraph, instead of seeing my birth mum ive decided to just request my files from social services from that time. Then I can get answers to my past in the safest way possible because if I was to meet my real mum how do I know for certain she will be telling the truth? How would I actually know?? So yeah anyways that's the current situation

Laura_tigger82

It sounds like you have been on a rollercoaster of emotion recently @Rose113, am I hearing this right? For example, it sounds like you have to pick up the pieces but you have also looked after yourself by choosing a better idea for you – a safer route. It is really positive to hear you are able to recognise what is best / not so good for you at the moment and what you are and are not ready for (and feel comfortable with).

Boundaries are really important and, as you have identified, a way to keep you safer. Is there another way to build a stronger relationship with your sister than to break your boundaries? I can hear how important, but conflicting, it is for you to have a relationship with your sister and to maintain those boundaries. We are here with you and hear how difficult all of this is – especially with wanting a relationship with your family and real answers – whilst maintaining those boundaries

Rose113

@Laura_tigger82 I want to look after her but I really cant anymore

Laura_tigger82

It is really important that you prioritise yourself and how you are feeling @Rose113. It cannot just be your responsibility to look after your sister - your sister deserves and needs a larger support network too

Rose113

@Laura_tigger82 all her parents do is send her to me, like I cant cope with that constantly, Where's the sisterly convo that doesn't end with me feeling shitty it's never fun talking to her

Laura_tigger82

That sounds like a lot to deal with @Rose113 How have things been for you more recently?

Rose113

@Laura_tigger82 not good but just gotta pretend

Orchid059

@Laura_tigger82 This sounds incredibly challenging and I can understand your frustration entirely when you feel responsible for your sister while at the same time trying to juggle your own mental health. Have you tried communicating how you feel with her as you too need to prioritise yourself and sisterly support should be reciprocated both ways.

I am glad to hear that you have found a safe way of exploring your biological family through social services. Have you had any update on this?

Keep updating us with how you are getting on. We are here to support you