Can not seem to have a good relationship with my dad

Former Member

I am raised by a single parent, my dad. Our relationship had become very bad over the past year. He does not respect that I do not like to be touched ( e.g. hugs, kisses, etc. ) and gets angry when I am unhappy that he yet again disrespected my boundary. I do not have a lot of boundaries, just that one. He then always goes on to saying ' I try to keep a good relationship between us, but it is hard when only one person is trying '. Every. Single. Day. I pretend to have a smile on my face and have done so for months. Just so that he will not get angry. I can not even tell when my smile is genuine when I am around other people or whether it is fake. I can not feel emotions like I used to. Happiness for me around other people is rare. I can not go on like this along with the stress I get from school. I have tried talking to him about my boundaries, but it always goes back to being the same. I think what ruined our relationship is the following; I have always cried when people shout at me. He shouted at me. When I would cry he would shout ' what are you crying for? ' I will give you a reason to cry. I only remember him saying sorry to me after he shouted at me, once, even then it was not a proper apology because he told me that if I had not done something ( which was a year or two ago ) he would not have shouted. I do not even know if I still love him. What do I do? ( sorry that this is so long )

Laura_tigger82

Hey @PurpleLilac - I don't think we have talked before so a warm welcome, firstly! It is great to see you have joined The Mix's online community.

You deserve to have your boundaries feel respected and touch should be with consent - not without consent - particularly when it is something you do not feel comfortable with.

How do you cope when your dad breaks this boundary and suggests you are not trying in your relationship with him - especially as talking to him does not seem to help?

I can also hear how you do not feel happy around other people and are feeling stressed from school. Do you have any support in place at the moment around this?

You have been really brave in talking to us about this and we are here with you whilst you navigate what support and coping with these things might look like for you

Former Member

Well, there is a wellbeing room people can go to talk with teachers. It worked well twice. My school is also split into five school ( like Harry potter) and each has its own room you can go to. But one day when I was upset about realising someone I thought of as a friend did not think the same of me, I tried going to one. The wellbeing room teacher had to leave for detention duty and the other teacher was not in on Mondays ( it was Monday ). The teacher asked if it could wait till tomorrow and I go in there to talk about it then ( I didn't ). My school base was closed. I had neither to talk to. I lost my trust in relying on them that day. Have not gone back to talk with either since.

Orchid059

Hi @PurpleLilac I can understand how difficult all of this must be for you and you have done so well in voicing this.

Firstly as echoed by @Laura_tigger82 you are not responsible for your dad's reactions to the boundaries you have set in place- it is up to him to respect these boundaries and your wishes without questioning it. It sounds like he is dismissing how you feel which I can understand must be so difficult for you especially when you are trying from your side too.

Do you have a close friend or family member that you trust to talk this through with, as sometimes talking it through with someone who has seen the relationship between you two, might offer you a source of comfort and support?

I'd also recommend enquiring into counselling, as a mental health professional will be able to best support you moving forward.

Keep us updated with how you are getting on, and remember you are never alone because we are always here for you

Former Member

I have thought about that and my school does have something like that, but I am developing some trust issues and since I would have to talk to teachers that have lost my trust with stuff like that because that is how you get on the list for counselling, I am not sure whether I want counselling

Laura_tigger82

I can hear how difficult it is for you that you are developing some trust issues @PurpleLilac. Not least because these trust issues are making you feel hesitant in talking to teachers who can support you with accessing this service.

Are you able to reach out to the counselling service directly? For example, there might be an email address listed on your school's website (or drop-in hours). Is there a particular teacher/teaching assistant/another member of staff in the school who you do trust more than the rest?