Barely hanging on (TW)

Rose113

TW// suicide and alcohol

Ive had the day from hell and I've reached the end of my fucking teather. First I faint at work and dissociated for an hour whilst all the staff were so worried about me. Then I had to lay down on the floor with my feet on a chair whilst no one could get hold of my family. Eventually got hold of my aunt who picked me up. Since that I've felt so unwell, keeps getting really nauseous and can barely keep food down.

Then I have 3 friends tryna commit suicide whilst I'm tryna help them and getting nowhere and then Eventually them giving up in fighting me and decide not to attempt. Got in an argument with my best friend...im fucking suicidal but once again I'm in the wrong for struggling. Watch someone commit whilst being stuck in the car on a motorway for 2 hours so yes im fucking struggling.

All whilst it's my dad's anniversary and someone else's who I dont like talking about because of who they are and it hurts too much. Look at my birth mom's Facebook and find an anniversary post of my dad and pictures of him that I've never seen as well as one having my brother in. Them all looking like a happy family which fucking hurts but every photo my dad was drinking alcohol in.

So yes I've reached the end of my fucking teather and all I wanted was someone to help me but no instead I got screamed at and shit but I cant fucking care anymore. I dont want to be alive, wish I could swap places with the person that died today....

Ruined my only good friendship and dont fucking know what to do with myself, sat here in tears feeling shit mentally and physically. It's too much to cope with but still I gotta fucking stay alive and bottle everything up forever.

Just gonna cry myself to sleep over how much of a shitty perosn I am that is never good enough and ruins everything.

ella

I can really hear how incredibly difficult last night was @Rose113 - how are you feeling now? I know you mentioned feeling like a burden but reaching out for support is a sign of strength and this community will always be here for you. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's completely valid that you're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

Would you prefer to vent about a specific aspect of the day, or would you like to explore coping strategies in general?

Sending hugs to you

Rose113

@ella i feel like absolute shit just tryna pretend to be okay...sigh idk i guess vent but at the same time so so hesitant for so many reasons

ella

@Rose113 this will always be a safe space for you to vent when you need to. There will never be any judgement from the community. If you feel comfortable, are you able to share why you feel so hesitant?

Former Member

I'm so sorry to hear.
That alone. Tap yourself on ur back for trying!
It seems extremely difficult down ur end! I hope u get the strength to pull through- another day!
I know the feeling were ur always in the wrong and get screamt at. It's so unfair. Sending love n strength 💪 ❤️