Something I dont really talk about

Rose113

TW// Bullying and violence

So I was bullied from year 2 too year 11 of school and most of the time it was name calling and stuff but in year 10 it was the worst year of it all. I was always in the wrong crowd of friends and even in friendship groups I was still being bullied within the groups. So in year 10 I was in a friendship group of 11 people. These were the people that were my "friends", we had:

T, J, O, G, TJ, L, LH, GM, TD, C, RR and MR.

Now T and J were in my tutor along with LH and T and J have always hated me and eventually at the end of year 10 they got kicked out of the tutor group for being caught bullying me in the class. I was always the sensitive one and known as the cry baby so I was easily tormented by everyone. But over time the whole group turned toxic. These are the things they would say and do to me:

1) they would comment on what I ate to the point that eventually I had to eat lunch with a teacher for reasons that im not sure if I can say.

2) they would body shame me

3) call me the freak show and laugh at me and would always leave me out

4) They would throw my stuff around, in one school term they had ruined 4 of my water bottles, I eventually started getting drink and food from the canteen but they would take my drink and pour it on the ground and throw the bottle at me.

Then one day the others weren't in and it was just me and MR in that are in the group and she has always hated me and I never understood why and I still don't. But we were in PE one lesson and half of the class wasn't in so there was only 5 of us in the changing room. MR was changing with another perosn from our class and MR looked at me and we made eye contact but then a minute later she came over to me and attacked me and i just sat there and let her do it. Im not sure if im allowed to go into detail of what she did but it went on for 10 minutes whilst MR friend just watched. Then after a bit she started screaming and 3 teachers came running in and dragged MR off me. MR ran off and for my safety I was helped to the PE office and was locked in there whilst they could get MR out of school.

They did a first aid call and 2 of the staff came with first aid kits and ice which due to injuries and being in a state of shock I couldn't talk so they had to go off where visible injuries were. I was so scared to move from the chair so I was given ice and they cleaned the areas on me that were bleeding. I stayed in the office all day. They got my mum and she came to see me and I just cried and cried.

Then at the end of the day I was helped up the stairs as I was to shakey still to walk and my body hurt. I went home and the next day I had to stay off school, I couldn't move properly and I was badly bruised and still couldn't speak. My head was hurting so I was taken to hospital where I was properly treated for my injuries.

I couldn't face school for awhile, it was too much for me to deal with. I was constantly asked why I didn't fight back but there was a few reasons...I thought I deserved to be attacked and I was also that stunned that I froze. I wad in and out of hospital for awhile after that incident and it still haunts me to this day. Even when I went back to school it gave me to much anxiety and fear, I became extremely paranoid.

Anyways that the end of the story without going into full depth but yeah it's not something I really talk about.

Laura_tigger82

It sounds really difficult how unkindly you have been treated, especially with bullying and torment, over such a long period of time @Rose113. You never deserved any of what you went through, even if you feel like you 'let them do it'.

As you said, you were actually in a state of 'frozen' where you were unable to fight back. I can really hear the fear and anxiety. How did you feel about the way your teachers, mum and the hospital approached it?

You have done so well to reach out to us about this, especially as it is something you do not always feel comfortable talking about. How does it feel that you have been able to tell us about this?

sinead276

@Rose113 I can't begin to imagine the feelings you went through during that time at school. But what I do want to say is you absolutely didnt deserve it and I'm proud of you for both getting through what you did and opening up to on here now. It takes real courage to do so

As for what you said about not fighting back, its more common than you may think. You may have heard of the idea of a 'fight or flight' response when we are faced with threatening situations, and people act differently depending on the person. As part of that, some people just freeze, not because they don't want to fight back, but thats just the immediate response the brain goes to. So don't think you let them do it because you didnt 'fight back' so to speak.

But regardless, you are incredibly strong for getting through the things you have, and the fact you returned to school is a HUGE achievement in itself, even if you still feel anxious. You made that first step and you should feel proud that you did.

Sending lots of hugs and I hope you're doing okay
Continue to reach out to us when you need - we are all always an ear to listen

Sinead

Rose113

@Laura_tigger82 some of the teachers were so nice about it but like my year manager at the time took MR's side becuae of her home life...

There was an English teacher that taught MR and when she came back after being suspended for 3 days for attacking me she had a brace on her hand and she told the teacher that she couldn't write and the teacher didn't care, she told her to figure it out herself.

Most of the teachers hated MR after it but my year leader still loved her but he got in trouble by the head teacher for it

Rose113

Thank you @sinead276

Gemma

It's so brave of you to share your story with us @Rose113. This sounds like such an incredibly difficult time you went through at school. Nobody should have to go through these things. Like @sinead276 has said, you didn't deserve any of this and none of it was your fault. I can totally see how you would feel anxious and paranoid returning to school after that. You should be so proud that you have been able to open up to us about this.

I'm really glad to hear that most of the teachers were lovely about it and supported you too. It doesn't sound right that your year leader took MR's side and so it's positive that your head teacher spoke to them about that.

As well as reaching out here, there are lots of lovely services that want to support you through this. You might like to check out places like Bullying UK which has a website and webchat helpline with online mentors, counsellors and forums, providing advice and information to young people, and Childline also have some really lovely articles on bullying and advice on coping.

I'm aware you mentioned this came from being in the wrong friendship groups at the time - I hope your friendships now are with people who care for you. You deserve to be surrounded with kindness.

We're all here for you @Rose113.

Rose113

Thank you @Gemma