I'm trying... Tw

Chloe234

I'm trying to be strong...I'm trying to be okay but it's just so so hard things are different but I don't want it to be.

I used to always be the strong one in the family. I was everyone's rock. But now I'm all fucked up and suicidal and barely keeping myself alive no one can rely on me. I'm just a burden on the family. The least I could do is be okay and less of a problem...

My aunt is on deaths edge because of cancer. The world's so fucked up. She has children, she's only in her 40s. She doesn't deserve to die. She did so much for me too. It's not fair.

I also had a massive argument with my mum the other day and it's just not fair...it was horrid. She was horrid. I might cut contact again... I can't forgive her...she said such shit things

Why can't things just be okay

Gemma

Hey @Chloe234, it’s really tough to hear that you’re struggling right now. You’re so deserving of support and we’re all right beside you through this.

I don’t think you’re fucked up at all - you’ve been going through so much and it’s okay not to be strong all the time. Sometimes we need someone to be the one caring for us. We take those different turns throughout life and that’s okay. Expressing your feelings and finding things difficult shouldn’t lead to you being a problem or a burden. We’re here to support you.

I know you’ve mentioned that you feel suicidal. Would you feel comfy sharing with us if you’re feeling like you can keep yourself safe today?

I’m really sorry to hear about your aunt. You’re right that it’s so horrible when someone we love is being taken away from us, so young too. The world can be a cruel place sometimes. It’s not fair at all. I know you found seeing her in the hospice really difficult too. I found that experience of seeing someone I love ill so incredibly tough. You deserve to have support around you to help you through it. It sounds like your relationship with your mum is feeling quite strained at the minute. We’re here if you did want to share any more about what she said to you. As such a kind and caring person yourself, you deserve nothing but love and kindness, Chloe. Nobody has the right to say horrid things to you.

I know that you have a few teachers that you see in school quite regularly when you’re feeling low. But I know that during the Easter break when we don’t have access to that support it can feel quite isolating. I wondered if you had been able to seek any additional support like counselling?

Remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. We’ll be here to listen and there are lots of lovely services that can chat things through with you too:

*If you need urgent help or have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. 
*Local urgent mental health helpline | Open 24/7 | Find details about your local service here.
*Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
*Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
*Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.

Chloe234

Thankyou @Gemma

I know you’ve mentioned that you feel suicidal. Would you feel comfy sharing with us if you’re feeling like you can keep yourself safe today?

Yeah I can keep myself safe

I’m really sorry to hear about your aunt. You’re right that it’s so horrible when someone we love is being taken away from us, so young too. The world can be a cruel place sometimes. It’s not fair at all. I know you found seeing her in the hospice really difficult too. I found that experience of seeing someone I love ill so incredibly tough. You deserve to have support around you to help you through it. It sounds like your relationship with your mum is feeling quite strained at the minute. We’re here if you did want to share any more about what she said to you. As such a kind and caring person yourself, you deserve nothing but love and kindness, Chloe. Nobody has the right to say horrid things to you.

Thankyou, its just difficult. My mum said a lot; she even said that my aunt deserves to die and she has no sympathy for her which is so so horrid she also kept saying that im still lying about my past and the SA stuff which hurts too because i just wish my own mother would believe me and not always call me a liar

I know that you have a few teachers that you see in school quite regularly when you’re feeling low. But I know that during the Easter break when we don’t have access to that support it can feel quite isolating. I wondered if you had been able to seek any additional support like counselling?

Ive never tried to get counselling outside of school because Ive been having it in school. I could maybe use kooth though but I dont know, my anxiety makes reaching out to online services apart from this one

Sunshine12

@Chloe234 Hey, I’m really sorry to hear how ur being treated, u shouldn’t have to be a support system for your whole family because u have your own emotions to deal with. U also most definitely are not a burden for having your own emotions!! Just think, u seem like a lovely and empathetic person, and u wouldn’t think ur family is a complete burden for asking for help, so u shouldn’t either ♥️

Chloe234

I just can't get over everything she did and said... its not fair. Its not fucking fair. All I want is a mother who loves me. Not someone like her. It's just too much. I hate it. Why can't I be loved? Why can't I be good enough? Why can't she fucking love me? Why can't she just believe me?.....he hurt me....Why didn't she protect me? 😭😭