Should I change who I am?

Former Member

I am a nice and sensitive person. I get overfamiliar with people and tend to do things for people like buying them things so they like me.
Even when I know they are using me.
How do I stop being so insecure and being a pushover?

lunarcat522

@dyoverdx You definitely shouldn't change who you are, but possibly who you're friends with if you've identified that they are using you. I'm not sure how you can be less insecure if I'm honest but I have to say you sound like a genuinely lovely and caring person and you deserve to surround yourself with people that see that

Azziman

Hey @dyoverdx - I just want to say, being nice and sensitive isn't a negative. If anything, it'd be good if people were a little nicer and more sensitive to some situations! Those are great qualities to have

You mention you buy things for people so that they like you. Could you explain a little more about what you're buying for people, and why you think you do this?

It would be good to learn to be more assertive, and that comes with some self-confidence. When we feel confident and have self-worth, it's easier to push back against unreasonable requests and resist insults. There's a sweet spot between being heartless and a pushover!

A good way to think about it is that one person simply doesn't have the time, energy and money to make everyone happy all the time. So being assertive is simply a way to make sure that you direct those resources towards yourself and those you care for closely, and that'll help to foster better quality relationships as well. What do you think about that?

Former Member

Azziman wrote: »

Hey @dyoverdx - I just want to say, being nice and sensitive isn't a negative. If anything, it'd be good if people were a little nicer and more sensitive to some situations! Those are great qualities to have

You mention you buy things for people so that they like you. Could you explain a little more about what you're buying for people, and why you think you do this?

It would be good to learn to be more assertive, and that comes with some self-confidence. When we feel confident and have self-worth, it's easier to push back against unreasonable requests and resist insults. There's a sweet spot between being heartless and a pushover!

A good way to think about it is that one person simply doesn't have the time, energy and money to make everyone happy all the time. So being assertive is simply a way to make sure that you direct those resources towards yourself and those you care for closely, and that'll help to foster better quality relationships as well. What do you think about that?

I’d order takeaways for people or give out tobacco (I live in a supported accommodation). And yeah it makes sense. I do have a lot to focus on such as my exams and moving to my own flat.