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Can't sleep
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,120 Boards Champion
I feel like since finishing college everything has just got worse and its not got any better. I struggle and feel alone with it sometimes. It just sucks when you try to change things and it fails especially when I had a lot of things that haven't gone well in life like school, college, not getting work so far then having the training course I did a few weeks ago which I flopped it. I thought I would start it and would do well then get a job with it. I am still struggling with it even though its been a few weeks and just being back to square one. Ive been really scared that I wont get sorted with work for a long time or maybe even at all. I have always worried about my future for a very very long time to be honest like I mean since year 9 or 8 at school, maybe even earlier. It got worse when leaving school as Im heading more into an adult then being an adult, everyone else sorting what they want to do out everything then just not getting anywhere so far, not doing well in college, school, training and everything I think a lot will I ever get something where I'm happy, confortable in. I feel so behind in life. Everyone else seems to be busy with diffrent jobs or progressing towards their careers like a lot of people are graduating from uni and Im just here just failing. I know I am on my own path and everything but I feel like sometimes I won't do well or get anywhere etc.
Atm I just feel inferior, like I dont know what my purpose is atm. I often get this feeling when I just feel like just crying partly over that course and just back here back to square one after months of having it in my head that it was going to be my career then that added up with everything else. I feel sometimes like no one likes me too like I can't get on with people and there's a lot of people who dislike or even hate me. I don't have many friends either, I don't have a gf, never have, still a virgin etc. I think I'd have a tough time trying to find a gf too like no one is going to want like me, I am a short guy, I am only 5 foot 4 or something, that alone will put most girls off tbh. Like 5 4 is the average height for a female so a lot of girls would be taller than me, there's obviously shorter but they want taller guys too and I have preferences too. I was thinking once I am stable in a job I could look at relationships but I'm worried I'm going to have a tough time with that as well. I'm not focusing on that atm because I want to get sorted first but do sometimes think about it. Also there's things like if I did find someone just ending up breaking up and experiencing heartbreak which can affect people pretty bad mental health wise.
Things are just tough sometimes like just money, careers, relationships etc. I have had personal problems too. I might be going though a bit if a tough time atm. Things just have not been getting anywhere, it's not like I have done nothing too to change my situation, I have tried a few things, ld prefer not go into detail but I have looked at other stuff too not just the training I did but nothing has really gone to plan so far. Its good I tried and looked at stuff but things need to go to plan too. Anyway sorry to keep posting moaning and everything but I just cant sleep so thought this is 24/7 when I could come onto post so wanted to open up, I feel like I spoke in a bit more context here too.
Atm I just feel inferior, like I dont know what my purpose is atm. I often get this feeling when I just feel like just crying partly over that course and just back here back to square one after months of having it in my head that it was going to be my career then that added up with everything else. I feel sometimes like no one likes me too like I can't get on with people and there's a lot of people who dislike or even hate me. I don't have many friends either, I don't have a gf, never have, still a virgin etc. I think I'd have a tough time trying to find a gf too like no one is going to want like me, I am a short guy, I am only 5 foot 4 or something, that alone will put most girls off tbh. Like 5 4 is the average height for a female so a lot of girls would be taller than me, there's obviously shorter but they want taller guys too and I have preferences too. I was thinking once I am stable in a job I could look at relationships but I'm worried I'm going to have a tough time with that as well. I'm not focusing on that atm because I want to get sorted first but do sometimes think about it. Also there's things like if I did find someone just ending up breaking up and experiencing heartbreak which can affect people pretty bad mental health wise.
Things are just tough sometimes like just money, careers, relationships etc. I have had personal problems too. I might be going though a bit if a tough time atm. Things just have not been getting anywhere, it's not like I have done nothing too to change my situation, I have tried a few things, ld prefer not go into detail but I have looked at other stuff too not just the training I did but nothing has really gone to plan so far. Its good I tried and looked at stuff but things need to go to plan too. Anyway sorry to keep posting moaning and everything but I just cant sleep so thought this is 24/7 when I could come onto post so wanted to open up, I feel like I spoke in a bit more context here too.
Post edited by TheNightmare on
7
Comments
I can hear that this is something that has been on your mind for a while, and clearly causing distress if it's making it hard to sleep as well. The way you feel after college isn't an isolated one - many people do feel this way. At school, you have timetables, classes, deadlines, exams - it's all really clear what you need to do, where you need to be etc. But life isn't like that, and we can find that change is somewhat daunting. So I'm sure that many people can relate to how you feel in this situation. Even those that look more "together" will likely feel this in some way as well - it's a big change after all!
You mention that things haven't gone to plan. And focusing on the outcomes, I can see why you're not happy. But I'd also note that, like you say, you haven't done nothing. You've looked for opportunities, tried new things, and taken actions to improve your life and take initiative - and that's really important too! Be proud of yourself for taking the steps you need to go somewhere in life - you've done so well already, so keep it up!
Purpose is a tricky one, and I think it's because it's something personal. Through life experience, we all encounter things, people, events etc that shape our lives, and it's through that process that we discover our process and meaning. It's not an easy thing to define or find out, and it might not be clear tomorrow. But in taking the steps you are to improve your life and experience, you're on that path towards figuring out what your purpose is, and what direction your life is right for you.
Sometimes things don't work out. We all make decisions that don't work out, or don't go to plan. And that's okay - life doesn't always follow a script. But you'll still learn lessons about yourself, about what to do next, and about your life experience. You're not at square 1 - the only way that happens is if you never tried to do anything in the first place
Don't lose heart, and keeping doing your best to try and achieve your goals. As long as you keep trying, you're moving in a direction, and that's better than doing nothing at all. Appreciate the effort that you've put into doing something to improve your life, and trust the process. As you go along, you'll find a role that you can do; you'll figure out what you want to do in life bit by bit; and you'll keep learning about yourself. You're already going somewhere, and that's something to be proud of!
@Azziman thanks for your reply, what you're saying is motivating and makes me realise maybe i haven't done too bad.
As someone who has been listening throughout your journey the past couple of years, I think other mods would back me up when they say you've grown majorly in that time, in basically every way. In how you talk to people, in your willingness to try things for work and college etc, how you take on advice and lots of other things. These are all great qualities which will help you get to where you need to be, even if youre not 100% sure where or what that will be. I know it's hard when it feels so dead end and everything you try back fires, but it will make it all the more worth it in the end. I think even when you get your first small win it will give you loads of encouragement and motivation, whether that's a good job interview or completing a course or making a new friend, anything like that
Purpose really is what you make of it, it is different to everyone, some people want to chnage the world and other people just want to live quietly and both are valid. Maybe your purpose is to discover what careers you want to try, the car that suits you best etc Whatever makes it worth it in the end
As for friends and relationships, people can be judgemental, you're right, but as you get older to the right sort of people none of that matters, they're mature enough to look past that and respect differences. Not having some of those firsts or much confidence doesn't make you any less, it just makes it harder to take the first steps. You'll have people out there even if they take a bit longer to find, I think focusing on jobs or whatever first is a good shout just because I think that will gve you more confidence and make you feel more settled in general, it's hard to date when you don't think the highest of yourself at the moment
Keep going buddy, you've made tonnes of progress x
@leyla26 thanks so much for replying, I think you and other mods etc have been here for a lot of my journey. I was on my previous college course when I joined here, since then it's been a bit tough finding what to do. I think you particularly have witnessed a bit more of my journey and stuff especially recently as I have told you about it on our chat threads we have. I'm realising what you're saying is true like maybe with them qualities, I have not done or doing too bad like Im trying even after my previous bad experiance. I have not work sorted atm but hopefully something positive comes up. I think I agree with what your saying about purpose like I think mine might be, achieve goals, be happy etc. People who are judgemental aren't worth my time like its best to cut them people out if possible weather they are friends or a gf etc. I'll be ok with everything. A few people have said its a good idea about relationships, getting settled with work first because I maybe need a bit more confidence in general and everything for it. I think a lot of my issues aren't too uncommon like not everyone just gets sorted with a great career overnight.
Thanks again for your reply, it's very positive, helpful and encouraging x