I hate myself

Rose113

I hate myself so much, ive hated myself since I was 7 and it's never changed. People in my life got me to hate myself and showed me that i should hate myself. I'm a useless pathetic freak that is selfish and can't do anything right.

All I do is ruin people's lives and cause so many issues with my feelings. Im just stupid, pathetic,worthless,annoying,waste of time, nuisance, useless, idiotic, crazy, a freak. I cant help people instead I make things worse. I belong out of people's lives.

No one would remember me, no one would miss me, no one would care about me. I belong rotting in a hole. People should just throw me away to where I belong. I belong in the trash. No one wants me, im unloved and unworthy of everything.

I dont deserve to live, the world would be better with me gone, I dont deserve support, I dont deserve friends, I dont deserve anything. Why people want to be my friend ill never know. Maybe people feel pity on me because im a freak.

People want to be my friend at the start then they see the real vulnerable me and then dont want to deal with me. Dont blame them, I dont want to deal with me anymore. Thinking of deleting my account on here then no one has to talk to me or deal with me anymore. Best for everyone I guess

Gemma

Hey @River, it sounds like you're going through so much right now. No matter what you say or how you feel, myself and the whole community really do care about you so much. We think you matter and you are so worthy and deserving of love, care, kindness and support.

How are you feeling this afternoon?

I know my words won't change your view of yourself right now but I think you are so brave and we love having you around. If I'm being completely honest, when I joined the community I was nervous about how members would greet me as a new member to the team, and like you've mentioned in your post, I've also had negative thoughts about myself over the years, what I can offer and bring to this world.

When I joined, I remember yourself and others being so welcoming, kind, supportive and caring towards me and others on the community. You have offered such valuable support and have been there for people in moments where they truly needed it. You've made a real positive impact on people's lives within the time you have been a part of this community that is beyond the impact a typical person makes in their entire lifetime.

What I've come to learn is that we can be so harsh on ourselves and can speak to ourselves in ways in which we'd never talk to others. We give grace and kindness to others that we don't afford ourselves. It's so tough to hear you say that you think the only reason people want to be your friend is to pity you. That line of thinking denies all your amazing qualities that make you uniquely you. When I think of you, I think of someone who is brave, courageous, caring, supportive, determined, resilient, empathetic and funny. That sounds like someone who would be a great friend and someone the community would miss .

It's really tough to hear that you have been thinking about leaving the community. We all love having you and we're here if you'd feel comfy sharing more about that thought process with us and what's been going on for you.

Remember, you don't have to go through things alone. As you know, there are services which you can reach out to if you're struggling. You can chat to Crisis Messenger any time about absolutely anything on your mind (text THEMIX to 85258). Samaritans are available for that too.

Think of all the beauty that's around you and all that you have yet to experience. Keep going River, one step at a time.

Rose113

Hi @Gemma

I feel horrendous no one needs me though, im never needed

It's really tough to hear that you have been thinking about leaving the community. We all love having you and we're here if you'd feel comfy sharing more about that thought process with us and what's been going on for you.

I cant it's complicated n you would juust delete the post

Gemma

I'm hearing how tough things are feeling @River - you are so much stronger than you think

Remember you can always drop us a line if you wanted to talk about things some more. We're all here for you and we'd love you to stick around. But we also want what's best for you and if you do need a break from the community at any point, that's a totally okay thing to do. Taking breaks can be really healthy