Struggling with relationship

happylittlefrog

Hey just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience to me or can offer any advice. Basically, I’m struggling a bit at the moment with feeling quite guilty around needing space from my boyfriend and am feeling terrible as I’m getting quite stressed as he texts me a LOT and I’m feeling too exhausted to reply. The thing that’s bothering me is that he seems to be the only one that I feel I need space from and I can’t work out if this is normal. I’m autistic with chronic illnesses too which he is aware of and supportive of. Just worried that I’m being a bad person by finding him a bit overwhelming at the moment and needing some space. He’s very clingy and I don’t want to upset him at all as he means the world to me but at the same time I’m needing a bit of space at the moment and not too sure how to navigate this. I’m 20 and he’s the first person (after many relationships) who I really do feel in love with. He’s 27 and has said the same thing about me. He also wants a lot of physical touch (almost constant) which I’m also finding a bit much in part due to my chronic pain but also just never been something I’ve been wholly comfortable with. Little and often is fine for me, but just not constant touch and kissing.

David

How long have you been together? Have things been the same between you throughout that time?

Tell him how you feel & that you want the relationship to become part-time.

Katie12

You are definitely not a bad person by feeling a bit overwhelmed atm! needing your own space is important and completely valid in a relationship. If you are both feeling the same about the relationship then im sure if your open and honest about how you are feeling you will be able to find a solution

slugchannel

It certainly doesnt make you a bad person . Its a very hard thing to navigate, and of course you do not want to hurt his feelings, but you also cant have the overwhelmed feeling fester in you, either . That is what leads to someone getting hurt . It would take a toll on you for sure .

Both of you seem like lovely people ! So, I think he would understand if you explained it to him . Either way, your needs are just as important as anyone else's . Not sure what I would say if I were in your position, maybe start by simply explaining why you dont respond to messages as much . It will at least let him know you arent ignoring him / less invested than he is . There are plenty more ways for you two to show affection that arent physical, too . I hope things go well regardless : -)

Azziman

Hey @happylittlefrog - firstly, thank you for sharing your experience on the forum. I can understand that it can be difficult to talk about this situation, but from the responses above, I hope you received support that you were looking for!

It's perfectly healthy to desire both a relationship and your own personal space at the same time, they aren't exclusive! We all need some time to ourselves, and that varies from person to person - the key thing here is communication with your partner. Talking about your personal boundaries and respecting those are a challenge that you can face together as a partnership.

It sounds like you're happy with the relationship and your partner, so I wonder if you've spoken, or could speak, to them about this topic and how you feel? I'd hope that they'd be understanding and respect your feelings on this. It's a very normal topic for people in relationships to have, and having open communication is important to working through those differences as you navigate through your relationship together