Friend said goodbye last night

Rose113

I dont know what to do 😭 my friend sent suicide message last night but I was having bad night and was regressing so i didnt understand what he was talking about and now this morning I cant get hold of him 😭 this is all my fault if he's gone 😭

JustV

That's a huge amount for you to hold @River.

I'm wary of asking questions about the situation, just to make sure this thread doesn't become too heavy, but if you want to do something for your friend, there are some options:

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When someone is currently in crisis, the first thing the mod team recommends is urging them to contact crisis services themselves - Samaritans, Papyrus, Crisis Messenger, 999 or A&E.

If they don't want to or you can't reach them, that's okay. It's not your responsibility to keep them safe, and sometimes the best thing is to allow someone a bit of space.

Another option is to call 999 on behalf of your friend. We would recommend this if you think they are in immediate danger and need emergency services to intervene directly.

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I would say though, people are usually more capable than we realise, even in crisis.

I know in the moment it can feel all-consuming and like we're completely responsible for their safety, but it can be helpful to 'zoom out' - recognise that we have limits, and that they might not need 'saving' in the way we imagine. There are things you can do, but your responsibility does end somewhere, and however this goes is up to your friend - not you.

Supporting someone who is immediately, actively suicidal is too much for any individual person to take on, and your mental health matters too.

Aware it's been a few hours since you posted this - how do you feel at the moment?

Rose113

I cant get hold of him at all and it's scaring me @JustV I'm terrified that I've lost him

Amy22

Hey @River I'm sorry to hear that you witnessed that. Just checking in to see how things are right now?. I also agree with @JustV as maybe if you do feel like this message could be serious, you could try calling a crisis helpline such as samaritans or papyrus for them. Also 999 is another option too if you really had to and are very concerned for their wellfare. I bet that is a lot to go through right now and I'm always here if you need someone.

Rose113

No I cant call 999 for them or anyone they are in bad situation with there parents but since they only online friend and in Ireland then there's nothing I can do

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Rose113

@faolan I only know there social media name and even that isn't there real name

Rose113

Shaking so bad normally he replies by now

Amy22

I understand that things might be difficult but maybe they could have called a crisis number possibly as sometimes we may think they are in a bad situation but maybe they did reach out. If it's an online friend I can understand how difficult that would be too especially if their relationship with their parents isn't the best. Maybe there isn't much you can do but at least you tried to contact them though, that's the thought that counts. Sometimes we can't control things out of our reach eventhough we feel the need to have control over things especially if it's a friend who is struggling.

Rose113

@Amy22 they never call crisis they always turn to me when they need help and most of the time im not regressed or in bad state but it just clashed this time. Im such a shitty friend

Amy22

@River Sometimes things just happen especially if we are in a low mood, looking after someone struggling with mental health can also have an impact on your mental health too. Im sure your not a shitty friend as you tried to help them and offer support but it's down to them if they choose to accept that support or not. The main thing is you tried . Always here though if you ever need someone to talk to.

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Rose113

Thank you @Amy22
@faolan my other friend that is friend with him hasn't heared from him and she didnt even know that he said bye

cc_ilaria

Oh @River 🫂 that must have been so so worrying for you. Its hard when friends are struggling, especially if you are struggling yourself. You did all you could and always try your very best to support people, and you are far from a shit friend 💜 a shit friend would not care so much, and would not be as worried as you are currently. Its a lot to carry and waiting for that message back is one of the hardest things. Im sending massive hugs to you and so so hoping everything is okay

How are things?

We are here for you River