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How I Changed My Pronouns
JustV
Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
A young volunteer for The Mix wrote about exploring and discovering their gender identity. 
Here are the highlights, but click here for the full read!
Transcription:
Here are the highlights, but click here for the full read!Transcription:
My experience of realising I’m Non-Binary
For a long time, I felt a lot of discomfort in myself and never knew how I wanted to express myself. The idea of my gender being regarded as a woman made my stomach and heart feel heavy and knotted, however I also knew I wasn’t a guy. I think Non-Binary is the best term to describe it; to me it’s about how I simply feel I am a human rather than a man or woman.
I still relate to the experience of women as that is how I was raised and am usually perceived, but that is not how I see my gender. I also went through a lot of trying to dress more masculine or more feminine which in the end made me realise how I look doesn’t matter as long as I feel comfortable and confident.
Appearance doesn’t equal gender, and Non-Binary doesn’t equal androgyny!
It took me a while to figure out what I was feeling regarding my identity, it often felt scary to think about how using different pronouns or being Non-Binary could affect me in the future. I sometimes feel like I’m causing inconvenience to others by asking them to use different pronouns. It’s important to remember that the right people in your life will embrace and accept you.
What is a pronoun?
Pronouns are the words we use when referring to someone else. For example, “his birthday is next week”, “they are going out”, “she is over there”. Pronouns can provide a valuable representation of gender. They allow for experimentation and expression. You can try out pronouns without having to put a label on your gender. Asking a trusted person to use different pronouns for you is a really great way to see what you prefer.
Hearing others use pronouns that feel right to you help solidify an identity that’s perhaps felt disjointed or confusing for a long time.
People may also choose to use multiple sets of pronouns, meaning they can be referred to by either pronoun. An example of someone who uses he/they pronouns in a sentence could be “he went to the cinema, but they didn’t want to get popcorn”.
Coming out as Non-Binary
Gender identity is often less discussed than sexuality, which can make it difficult to come out. I haven’t come out to many people as Non-Binary because I don’t know how they’ll respond, or if they’ll respect that I’m asking them to use different pronouns for me. That being said, it is very validating to share that part of my identity with people who are supportive and understanding.
Coming out to friends compared to family can be two different experiences. Older generations may need more explanations and time to process as they haven’t grown up with as much awareness about different gender identities. Nonetheless, the reaction of others is completely dependent on each individual, no matter age or relation. It is not your responsibility to try to make others accept you, all you can do is continue to be awesome and authentic.
My tips for coming out
- Be prepared to explain or clarify your gender identity; some people genuinely care and want to learn.
- It is ok to stop and walk away from a conversation, you don’t owe anyone a justification of your identity.
- Gather some resources that you could signpost people to.
- Have someone you can talk to afterwards.
- Be proud of your identity!
For a long time, I felt a lot of discomfort in myself and never knew how I wanted to express myself. The idea of my gender being regarded as a woman made my stomach and heart feel heavy and knotted, however I also knew I wasn’t a guy. I think Non-Binary is the best term to describe it; to me it’s about how I simply feel I am a human rather than a man or woman.
I still relate to the experience of women as that is how I was raised and am usually perceived, but that is not how I see my gender. I also went through a lot of trying to dress more masculine or more feminine which in the end made me realise how I look doesn’t matter as long as I feel comfortable and confident.
Appearance doesn’t equal gender, and Non-Binary doesn’t equal androgyny!
It took me a while to figure out what I was feeling regarding my identity, it often felt scary to think about how using different pronouns or being Non-Binary could affect me in the future. I sometimes feel like I’m causing inconvenience to others by asking them to use different pronouns. It’s important to remember that the right people in your life will embrace and accept you.
What is a pronoun?
Pronouns are the words we use when referring to someone else. For example, “his birthday is next week”, “they are going out”, “she is over there”. Pronouns can provide a valuable representation of gender. They allow for experimentation and expression. You can try out pronouns without having to put a label on your gender. Asking a trusted person to use different pronouns for you is a really great way to see what you prefer.
Hearing others use pronouns that feel right to you help solidify an identity that’s perhaps felt disjointed or confusing for a long time.
People may also choose to use multiple sets of pronouns, meaning they can be referred to by either pronoun. An example of someone who uses he/they pronouns in a sentence could be “he went to the cinema, but they didn’t want to get popcorn”.
Coming out as Non-Binary
Gender identity is often less discussed than sexuality, which can make it difficult to come out. I haven’t come out to many people as Non-Binary because I don’t know how they’ll respond, or if they’ll respect that I’m asking them to use different pronouns for me. That being said, it is very validating to share that part of my identity with people who are supportive and understanding.
Coming out to friends compared to family can be two different experiences. Older generations may need more explanations and time to process as they haven’t grown up with as much awareness about different gender identities. Nonetheless, the reaction of others is completely dependent on each individual, no matter age or relation. It is not your responsibility to try to make others accept you, all you can do is continue to be awesome and authentic.
My tips for coming out
- Be prepared to explain or clarify your gender identity; some people genuinely care and want to learn.
- It is ok to stop and walk away from a conversation, you don’t owe anyone a justification of your identity.
- Gather some resources that you could signpost people to.
- Have someone you can talk to afterwards.
- Be proud of your identity!
All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
The truth resists simplicity.
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