Really dont know what to do

Rose113

I'm in a relationship it's very very new and think I've already messed up with it cos I'm so dumb. It's just they wanna message 24/7 and it's like they don't trust me. They constantly want to talk to me and get upset when I'm doing something, like I showered for like first time in ages and then I went back on my phone and it was just them saying that I dont want to be with them and stuff and it's so frustrating because I never said that I was just busy doing something 🙁 then I was feeling down yesterday night but I wouldn't say what was wrong cos its a heavy topic and then they kept saying I was keeping secrets and stuff 🙁

Former Member

Hi @River new relationships can be tricky as you're trying to build trust with a new person, it may be that the person you are with is feeling a little insecure and all you can do is reassure them, its up to that person to trust you. However, it is also important to ensure that if you feel this is too much for you to stick to your boundaries and only speak about what you are comfortable with. The relationship has to work for both of you and be happy and healthy for you both

Rose113

@emiip98 I don't want to upset them

Former Member

@River It's okay to talk with them. In my fam, we try to communicate when things get tough, even violent.

Rose113

@Jimette but he gets upset easily which is fine but it just makes things harder

Former Member

@River Oh dear, hope I didn't make it worse

Rose113

@Jimette dw u didnt

Former Member

@River 🥲

Azziman

Hey @River, you're seen and heard. Like @emiip98 mentioned, new relationships have a lot of uncertainty to begin with, so they can be difficult to navigate. You're both still trying to understand each other and get to know each other, so there is a period where you might not always be on the same wavelength.

That being said, it's important to respect that we all have basic needs - working, eating, keeping ourselves clean, having our personal time etc, - and that it's completely okay to take some time for yourself in a relationship too. You don't have to spend all day texting if that's not what you prefer - indeed, different people have different communication habits and preferences. Some people like to text back and forth all day, whereas others prefer less frequent contact, but spend quality time when they do. Whatever works for the both of you is the best answer, so if you feel that the current level is too much, that's completely valid and entirely normal

Any healthy relationship is based on good communication. So if there's a difference that happens like this, it's okay and healthy to discuss it. You have your own preferences, and it's fine and right to respect that. However, it's still an early relationship, and there are some things that you might not feel comfortable sharing. Keeping secrets is natural, and especially with someone that you don't know that well at the moment, so it's okay to do that if you don't want to talk about that topic for whatever reason.

I know you said that you don't want to upset them, and that's a really tricky one. Of course, we want to make people happy, especially those that we care about, and we don't want to do things that make them upset. What I would say though is that avoiding upsetting people isn't the only thing to care about. You have your own boundaries and preferences, and those matter and should be respected. Relationships are about balance and fairness, and that means working together as a pair through these problems in a way that respects both of you. So if you're not comfortable to share a particular secret, or don't feel comfortable to text 24/7, that should be respected. The other person might not be happy with it, but they should respect that you have your own boundaries. It simply isn't fair to ask/pressure you to share secrets if you're not comfortable to do so; to talk so often if it's not something you're happy with; or to stop doing anything else except text this person! In the same way, it wouldn't be fair for you to do it to them.

To round this off, I'd say this: it's early on in the relationship, and it sounds like you both should talk about this. If you're able to work through this difference together as a couple that works for the both of you, then it'll make your bond stronger. But remember that you have value, your emotions matter, and that your preferences can and should be respected