Low mood, memories and my brother

Creativeboy23

Hello.

I have been in a low mood today. I have been feeling hopeless about it. I was worrying about how my dad would react if he came home and saw an incomplete house duty. Lately, I have been remembering past situations that caused me distress. My dad hurt me emotionally, apologised, repeated the cycle, and commented on my sensitivity. My female friend offered advice when I experienced problems at home. My first university mentor commented on my struggle with managing my workload at university. A college staff member dismissed how my tutors' feedback made me feel. I had suicidal and self-harm thoughts. I was experiencing a revival of feeling that people were trying to change my autism and not understanding my disability. I felt better after my nap, but then my mood dropped again when my brother discussed guys being anxious around girls, triggering a memory of when he brought up my social anxiety claiming porn contributed to the issue. Also, when he commented on my body repeatedly this evening. I was experiencing a resurgence of feeling judged by my brother and father regarding my emotions.

dozenstrawberry

Hi @Creativeboy23 , this all sounds so overwhelming for you. Thank you for sharing.
Writing your feelings out like this is a brave thing to do. It’s a very isolating when you feel like people don’t understand you.
It sounds like you have supportive friends who give advice, do you feel comfortable talking to them, or anyone else, when you feel down and have these thoughts?
Is it common for your Dad and brother to make you feel this way?
Your emotions are so valid, and you don’t deserve to feel judged for having them❤️

Terry8936

@Creativeboy23 I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of emotional pain and difficult memories. It's important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid and that you deserve support. You can consider: reach out for support, set boundaries, focus on the present and positive events, and write a journal. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and there are people who care about you and want to support you through difficult times. You can always reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life if you're struggling to cope. We're here to listen and support too!

Creativeboy23

Hello @dozenstrawbery.

I think you may have misunderstood me. I did not share that these memories were upsetting me with my female friend. When I mentioned her, I was talking about a memory of her giving me unsolicited advice whenever.

Another female friend told me to chin up when I shared with my feelings about another situation a while ago. So, I am not comfortable talking to my friends about how I am feeling, but I am to my mum, on here and help lines.

Yes. It is common for them to.

I know. It has made it difficult to feel my emotions in my house. I have to put on a happy face.

Creativeboy23

@dozenstrawberry @Terry8936 Yesterday, the memories and emotional pain have been overwhelming and tough. The memories caused me to be in a low mood making me have to postpone an activity to today. I was having a memory about my dad commenting on my sensitivity again today. I was feeling resentment for having to pick up the pieces, without him being held accountable. I was feeling like people would be protecting my dad eventhough that is highly unlikely. I was feeling pressured to move on from the memory even when it is difficult because I have been told to when having flashbacks in the past. I was feeling resentment which was making it difficult to concentrate on the day.

My mum was saying she will make sure my job centre work coach does not force me into any jobs because she thinks they are taking advantage of my autism. This brought up memories of my brother and dad’s lack of understanding of my disability. The situation also reminded me of a friend who asked whether my mum mollycoddles me which validated my brother claiming my mum babies me due to his lack of understanding of my disability.

I appreciate both of your support.

@Terry8936 Thanks for the suggestions.

Laura_tigger82

First and foremost @Creativeboy23 - you absolutely deserve to have your feelings feel validated as they are valid. I can hear how your feelings often feel invalidated (the opposite to what you deserve) and how this is often shaped by people's lack of understanding about disability (and autism in particular). As a fellow autistic, I particularly hear you.

Though, it sounds positive you feel able to reach out to your mum, us and helplines. After all, you don't have to face anything alone if you don't want to. Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help but, otherwise, we are all here for you and listening to you

Creativeboy23

Hello @Laura_tigger82.

I agree. It can be tough to live with autism when many do not understand you.

I will do. Thanks for your support.

If you do not mind me asking, how does people’s lack of understanding of your autism affect you?

Laura_tigger82

I would say I am generally around more supportive people now @Creativeboy23 (very fortunately!). However, it can affect how and when I feel able to slip into a 'meltdown' (and cope). It can also affect how I reach out for help and which types of help I reach out for. Hopefully, you can also be around more understanding people soon

Creativeboy23

Hello @Laura_tigger82.

It is excellent to know that you have more supportive people now.

I can imagine that it does. That sounds tough.

Yes, hopefully, thanks.

We are all here for you and listening to you.

Laura_tigger82

Thank you @Creativeboy23. Enough about me though - how have things been for you this week?

Creativeboy23

Hello @Laura_tigger82.

No worries.

Unfortunately, they have not been great this week. I have been in a very low mood today. I have been experiencing memories of negative experiences. My mentor said and did things which upset me. A friend name-called me, commented on my appearance, and on me catching up with a support worker. A female friend questioned me about not doing an activity. Other university members commented on my work, one of which felt backhanded. My dad asked me about women after making hurtful comments about my sensitivity, stopping me from having a relationship for a long time. I have returned to feeling that other staff and a friend made me different.

How have things been for you this week?

genderless_fungi

Hello @Creativeboy23 ,

I'm sorry you've been feeling down and that you went through things that brought back negative emotions. I hope you know you can always use this forum to communicate with people and share your experiences and feelings.

I also want to say that one one thing I noticed is the fact that you're taking the time to analyse your feelings and how things affect you - i know that trying to make sense of one's own feelings is no easy feat, so it's great that you're talking about them openly.

Laura_tigger82

Oh @Creativeboy23 You deserve to be treated so much better than this! Like with support and understanding. How do you feel catching up with the support worker went for you, other than your friend's comments about this? Things haven't been too bad here thank you, up and down like usual but I have had some wonderful support - even if I did need to fight for it

Creativeboy23

Hello @Laura_tigger82.

I sure do. It has been making it hard for me to arrange to meet up with him, but it feels like I am pushing away when that is not true.

It was great to catch up with my support worker.

That is good to hear.

Jimette

Oh no

Please! @Creativeboy23 stay strong! Don't listen to those nasty s**t!

Creativeboy23

Hello @Jimette.

I will try.