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My friendship, exercise and death
Creativeboy23
Posts: 277 The Mix Regular
Hello.
He messaged me saying he was happy with his girlfriend, without asking how I was and about my day. It made me feel unimportant because he now has a girlfriend. I think I am losing a friend. Although I am happy for him, I cannot help feeling jealous. It makes me feel like a bad friend. I was jealous when his partner commented on his drawing on social media and when he said he could not have had a better girlfriend. It is hard to think about him having a partner now. It feels like he is superior to me and is so special now that he has a girlfriend. It feels like I am dampening the mood. It is making me isolated.
It upset me that my brother said I am fat because I do not even work out. I understand where he is coming from. Your body is not healthy when you do not exercise, but I feel he was nagging me because he has mentioned it before. I look in the mirror and am not happy with my body. However, it is more complicated to start working out. I will have to change how I eat. I felt pressured to turn off my feelings because he usually kept mentioning that I was upset, not allowing me to move past my emotions. My mood brought up the following past situations that have upset me. My brother told me he feels sorry for me and that people will say things in the future. He asked me what I would do when a manager gives feedback on my graphic design work in the future. My university mentor offered solutions when I was upset about hurtful comments, which made me feel blamed. It is awkward that he may think I am doing it for him and not myself when I start to exercise.
My mother and brother discussed how the house would transfer to us once she and my dad pass away. It was not very comforting to hear. It made me think about how I will cope, knowing my parents will not be here one day. It made me worry about when it is my time to die and the idea that I will completely cease to exist after I decease.
It feels like every day, I have to talk to someone about how I am feeling. I feel bad about it.
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Comments
I think how you feel about your friend is natural. Relationships can occupy a lot of our time, and we have to balance that with our existing friendships. However, I can understand that the current situation is making you feel isolated. Ideally, would you like to be spending more time with your friend? And what do you think makes you feel jealous about the relationship? I will say, someone is not superior based on their relationship status. Whether you have a partner, multiple or none, you are still valid and have worth!
I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your brother and your body. Of course, it's a great thing to work out and improve our physical condition, but being critical isn't always appropriate, especially given your concerns about eating and how you feel about your body. If you want to exercise and improve your body, you should do it because you want to, not for anyone else! It's difficult when we feel like we have to turn off our feelings, but you're welcome to share your feelings in this community if you'd like (as you have done!) - we're here to provide that emotional outlet if it's something you find helpful
I can totally understand that talking about inheritance is a sensitive topic - none of us want to think about our parents passing away, because it's a really sad subject. Logically, it's an important subject to talk about for planning purposes, but emotionally, it's really hard to sit through and think about that conversation. You've been heard, loud and clear
It seems like you've got a lot of complicated feelings running through your mind right now, from confronting the fact that your close friend now has a girlfriend, to family comments making you question different aspects of your life. It's no wonder you're left feeling pretty drained and upset. Not being able to / allowed to properly and fully express that upset is also frustrating and unfair because it leaves you feeling like you've done something wrong for actually wanting to process your emotions, which is simply not the case.
Coping with changes in your friendship can be so awful, honestly. It's like you're left trying to consider whether your friend's newfound happiness with his girlfriend is worth the jealousy it leaves you feeling. Of course seeing him feel happy and loved is a very important thing and something that I am sure he values, equally, it is not nice to consider that this may impact your friendship. I wonder, do the two of you have the sort of relationship where you could speak to him about this?
In terms of your family, it feels like there are quite a few things that are triggering off strong (and understandable) emotional reactions, from your brother's unkind comments (even if he is saying it 'out of love' most people do not appreciate being spoken to in this way), to your parents' mentioning of death, it's all quite scary and uncomfortable. I'd say that looking to exercise and change your diet should definitely be about you and what you want, not about him. Not least of all because you deserve to look after your body and mind how you want but also because exercising with others in mind is rarely a solid plan in making a habit out of regular exercise, because the desire to do it is not truly coming from within. I wonder if your brother has gotten stuck on this criticism of you and is not thinking of how speaking to you in this way will affect your emotions and mental health.
Considering the topic your parents brought up is very very tough, it leaves you with this simultaneous scared and empty feeling where you have to consider that the people who have always looked after you will not always be there, which is awful. It's very understandable that it has left you with a pit in your stomach, especially if they didn't approach it in a sensitive way.
Huge hugs from me and please feel free to reply in your own time, if you'd like
Hey @Azziman.
Those are good points. I agree with you.
Seeing his girlfriend tell him how nice he is made me jealous of the relationship.
In comparison, I am single and am not getting that attention. I am not jealous anymore, though. I know that I am also nice.
Yes, I am meeting up with him this weekend.
I appreciate your support.
You are welcome.
Thanks. I appreciate the compliment. I know. I express myself well.
Exactly. It is tough being unable to have the space to express my emotions in my house. I am often worried people would think it is unhealthy, dismissing that I have been put in this position. However, I know it is valid for me not to want to open up about my feelings in my house.
Yes. My friend and I have a relationship where we can share our feelings. I shared with him that I felt unimportant when he messaged me, saying he was happy with his girlfriend without asking how I was and about my day. I confided in him about my concern that our friendship was fading away. He took it well. However, it was hard to tell him I was jealous because I did not want to upset him and come across as unhappy with him. I do not seem to be jealous anymore, though.
There sure was. I agree with you. He did get stuck on that criticism of me because he mentions exercise to me often. He never considers my feelings. He always communicates his opinions bluntly.
It sure did. Lately, I have been thinking about this matter. My parents are getting older, and I am entering adulthood more deeply.
I appreciate your support.
Hello @ebyrne556.
Thanks for your support.
I hope it goes okay too.
You are welcome.
Thanks. I appreciate the compliment. I know. I express myself well.
Exactly. It is tough being unable to have the space to express my emotions in my house. I often worry that people would think it is unhealthy, dismissing that I have been put in this position. However, I know it is valid for me not to want to open up about my feelings in my house if I am not allowed to.
Yes. My friend and I have a relationship where we can share our feelings. I shared with him that I felt unimportant when he messaged me, saying he was happy with his girlfriend without asking how I was and about my day. I confided in him about my concern that our friendship was fading away. He took it well. However, it was hard to tell him I was jealous because I did not want to upset him and come across as unhappy with him. I do not seem to be jealous anymore, however.
There sure was. I agree with you. He did get stuck on that criticism of me because he mentions exercise to me often. He never considers my feelings. He always communicates his opinions bluntly.
It sure did. Lately, I have been thinking about this matter. My parents are getting older, and I am entering adulthood more deeply.
Thanks for your support. ❤️❤️❤️