Turns out my medication was just a placebo effect

spacedog

Just a few weeks and I want to kill myself just as much as before. I've tried everything my psychiatrist told me - get up early, eating healthily and 3 meals a day, getting outside every day, going to the gym 6 times a week but I'm just as suicidal as before. She told me medication isn't a fix in any way - what am I supposed to do??? If this is what it's going to be like for the rest of my life I am not putting up with it at all, because it is already absolutely unbearable for me. What am I supposed to do anymore??

mk1881

@IainJammyboy,
Hey firstly, woah. I hope that you're able to recognize how much you're trying. You should be proud of yourself because the habits you have tried and created are more than most people. Your psych. is both correct and incorrect. Her statement was general, for some people medication really helps and others not at all. It's taken me probably 3-4 years to find the right medication but I'm also in therapy. I think that sometimes life isn't so much about what we're supposed to do, but sometimes simply doing. Doing the most you can for yourself in the moment. Or also doing things that bring joy (in healthy and positive ways of course). You play violin right? Does that still bring you happiness?

Honestly for the time being, distract yourself is my best advice. (Don't numb out or ignore but distract) I know that everything I said probably could've been said better but I hope it helps in a small way and if it doesn't that's okay too. Just know that someone is out there here for you.

spacedog

@mk1881 all I need right now is just a big long hug

mk1881

@IainJammyboy, well I hope you're able to receive this big, warm and long virtual hug from me

yana

@IainJammyboy first of all I'm sending u a big fat long hug!! i know what it feels like when all u need is a hug but there's no one there to just make you feel like it's gonna be ok. hug your cuddly toys!! i know they're not the same as an actual human but yeah they're better than nothing

as @mk1881 said u should honestly be so so proud of urself for trying. i know ur prob like 'eh well it hasn't helped i still feel suicidal and hopeless and awful' but trust me you're doing so so well. obvi this isn't gonna just disappear anytime soon but i absolutely promise you that the rest of ur life won't be like this. obviously idk u much but u seem like such a smart cool amazing person so just keep being your wonderful self and one day you'll find all the right support and all the right people and slowly everything will start making sense and you'll be okay in the end. until then we're all here for you!! sending more virtual huggies

MatchaMia

@IainJammyboy I know that we don't really know each other, but when reading your post I just want to say that I'm proud of you- for getting up every day, for trying hard to take care of your body and for being here. It's incredibly hard to keep going sometimes, but I'm so glad that you're here. You're doing so well. Keep taking it one step and one day at a time. It may seem like nothing's left for you, but believe me, you're needed and wanted, and the world has so much more good to offer you- I also bet that you have this amazingness to give to the world! We're here for you, and this community cares about you. I hope for your healing and happiness and that you feel the massive virtual squeeze-like hug I'm giving you You got this and you're going to be okay.

ebyrne556

Echoing what everyone else has said here @IainJammyboy and its always so lovely to see the amazing support you all give eachother so thank you everyone we are all so proud of you and sending you the biggest virtual hug in the world and lots of positve energy You can do this.Take care

JJLemon18

I agree with what everyone has else has said, I don't have much else to add. But here's a big long hhhhhhuuuuuuuuggggg from me Take care of yourself and remember that it will get better one day!!