Sorry if I seem like I'm attention seeking

spacedog

I'm sorry if I seem like I'm attention seeking and that I constantly make the same posts but I just desperately need to tell anyone about it. The NHS is so useless, I tell them I want to die and they force me to wait upwards of 6 months for any 'help'. They class me as low risk - attempt suicide and then they still couldn't care less - I see 2 mental health professionals in hospital in which one was just doodling in a notepad and the other just tells me to get a fucking McDonald's, and I just don't understand what they want. I'm gonna be dead soon if they don't do anything but really doubt they will. They let me become so bad that I'm practically risking my life for help and on deaths door at this point but I still get pushed aside as if I'm some stupid kid who doesn't understand anything and I just get referred from place to place who just couldn't give a fuck about me. The only place I do feel people want the best for me is mental health charities but they're not able to do much. I never wanted to die but I don't have any other option, there's nothing else I can do at this point other than to suffer

spacedog

I told them how I don't feel safe at all and they told me today that I need to use breathing exercises and that's what's going to fix everything. I can't take this anymore

yana

Nooo don't apologise @IainJammyboy lol I'm the type of person who also really repeats myself but it's okay even if no one here has any new advice to give we're all still more than happy to listen to you ramble or anything (or at least i am lol). You're not alone

I agree, the NHS really can be awful. I've had a lot of medical issues as well as mental health issues and more times than not they've done basically nothing. But honestly it must be so shitty being classed as low risk when you feel like this and I'm so so sorry you aren't getting the proper support you need. I wish I could do more to help Just hug your teddies tight and remember that even if everything feels so incredibly hopeless right now it won't feel that way forever, you just have to keep going and getting through one day at a time. I'm proud of you!

Gemma

Hey, @IainJammyboy, it is really great to see you using the boards to share your experiences with us

I just wanted to acknowledge how heavy this all sounds for you. It does feel really scary when things are so painful for you and you're not getting the help you deserve. These things are never easy to share.

Please know that you are not attention-seeking by reaching out for support. Even if you are seeking attention or seeking care, there's totally nothing wrong with that. We seek attention because we need it and it's natural to want our pain to be noticed.

The staff team might drop you a PM today just to talk a bit more about how you're doing. Also a gentle reminder of these crisis support services if you need them.

Do you have any family or friends you feel able to share these feelings with and to feel some support around you?

In the meantime though, please lean on the community when you need to - we're always here. You're doing great, even when it doesn't feel like it

spacedog

@Gemma thank you - i was just worried with the staff messaging me if i did anything wrong? i just wanted to apologise for all the drama i've caused

spacedog

@Xee thank youu - i did manage to get on a wee walk and pet some horses and cows, they were so cute. the cows though i was food though lol, i love those big animals

Gemma

@IainJammyboy, you definitely haven't done anything wrong! We care about you and just wanted to check in Lovely to hear that you went on a wee walk and that you have animals nearby to go and visit!

No apologies necessary btw, we're here for you

spacedog

@Gemma I should mention last night these hallucinations got so bad to the point I just had to barricade my own door because I didn't feel safe in my own home. Going to ask a GP through private healthcare to see a psychiatrist, and I managed to get an appointment today on the same day, I think that's just so mad and cool

yana

@IainJammyboy I can't relate to being able to pet some horses and cows whilst on a walk lol, I live in London. I did just come back from Swansea though, I stayed there for a night and I woke up to a lovely view of a bunch of sheep!

Sorry to hear your hallucinations got so bad the other night It must be so awful. I hope the help you get through private care will be better because you really deserve good support and not people who will push you away and dismiss the stuff you're doing through. How u doing todayy?

HarryT

Hey @IainJammyboy - It sounds like things got really scary for you the other night. How are you feeling at the moment? You mentioned that you didn't feel safe - would you like to share with us a little bit more about that? Was there a particular thing making you feel unsafe?

I think you're already aware of these signposts, but just a reminder of some organisations who you can reach out to if you do find yourself feeling unsafe:

Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

It's positive to hear that you're reaching out for support. How did the appointment with the psychiatrist go? You're doing really well.

Take care,
Harry

spacedog

@Xee LONDON!!! That is so cool - I'm just in Glasgow, murder capital or Europe apparently lol. I don't think it's very scary, there is the occasional junkie though I won't lie. Finally went private and have to wait a few weeks to see a psychiatrist but they were horrified about the way I was treated and I had the option of going into impatient care if I wanted but I said no but I would consider it if things get any worse. had an absolute AMAZING day today, my violin teacher said I basically nailed the piece I performed to him (romance by Amy beach) and then had the opportunity to perform it as well - I was so so nervous my knees were shaking but apparently it went really well according to my violin friends so I'll take it, but generally very chuffed with it and happy with myself. Great fun

ebyrne556

Hey @IainJammyboy Thats so great that you had an amazing day yesterday!! Im sure u did amazing and it would have been so cool to hear! Have you been playing the violin for long? I love its sound but ive never tried to learn it altho i am learning the guitar atm which is interesting lol. Im going to have a listen to that piece if i can find it it sounds quite summery haha. Also thats such good news that u decided to go private and the psychiatrist was supprortive and listened to u. Its always good to have that option their if u need it so well done for taking that step its not easy!very proud moments all round and celebration is in order i think hehe have a great rest of the day

Laura_tigger82

Glad to hear they have recognised you need more support @IainJammyboy but left the choice with you - when/if you want the support.

Well done with your music - that is such a huge achievement. Is the violin something you like to do/play?

spacedog

@ebyrne556 awwww thank you so much!! I've been playing for like 8 and a half years now - eek, I mean that's including the first 2 years of lockdown where I just didn't play at all, but I got all that motivation back and trying to practice for a couple hours each day. Oh yea it's a beautiful piece, but I was now going to start learning Shostakovich violin sonata which is on the complete other end of the spectrum seeing it's some of the most intense pieces I've ever heard lol. Oh guitar is amazing, so easy to pick up and play aswell - anyone can play it and it can sound beautiful. Celebrating by finally not having to practice that piece anymore (lol, I'm only joking it was great fun)

spacedog

@Laura_tigger82 yea I love violin, I regularly play and perform classical music and it's just one of my absolute favourite things to do

yana

Sorry about my super delayed replies @IainJammyboy but yeahh I'm from London! Glasgow sounds cool besides the murder thingy lol but ig it's good that u don't find it scary. Honestly the part of London I live in is so shitty like it scares the shit out of me every time I hear about a stabbing which happened like two mins away from where I live.

That's great to hear ur day was amazing on Saturday!! I totally get the feeling, u must have felt so chuffed!! I play the piano and yesterday my piano teacher said she was really proud of me because this stupid piece i've been procrastinating practicing for months is finally coming together and it sounds really nice I hope ur day is going well today!