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I don't know what to do

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 17 Settling in
in Sex & Relationships
Hey so basically, I have an older brother who has quite a big age gap from me, lives quite far away (I don't see him often) ans is quite conventionally attractive and I have been really worried that I have inappropriate feelingsfor him for a while now. It seems that every time there's a solution, something else crops up and I panic and spiral over it until I find an explanation. I was doing fine recently until my mother said he has been on a date. I was immediately filled with dread. I think this is partly because that kind of topic/bringing him up can set me off anyway but also I really look up to him but I get very little attention from him and the possibility of a girlfriend means that attention would be divided again. Although, I don't feel this way when I hear that he's been seeing his friends but I guess a girlfriend is more perminent and serious? I'm just so confused right now and want to know if this is normal? Thanks for reading

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 197 Trailblazer
    Hello @shameful_possum72,

    I'm sorry you've been dealing with unwanted feelings, it all sounds very overwhelming and confusing and it's understandable to feel concerned in this situation. It's very positive you decided to search for support from your peers and to speak about your feelings so candidly.

    Everyone deals with 'inappropriate' feelings now and then, so I'm sure a lot of people will be able to relate to the confusion you've been going through, but only you can make sense of your own feelings and understand what's going on in your relationship with your older brother. However, I just want to add that sometimes it can be hard to differentiate between deep feelings of affection and trust towards someone and romantic or sexual attachment, so that might be something to consider as well. It can be easy to confuse the two especially if it's a person you look up to and therefore want attention from.
    Would you feel comfortable talking a bit more about your feelings?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 17 Settling in
    Hi @genderless_fungi , not sure how to reply to your comment directly sorry, but I takked to a mental health practitioner and he said he thinks I do have feelings for him but that it's normal and nothing to worry about as long as I don't act on it so yeah, still trying to accept it like he said I should but it's still a bit difficult. Also, I'm pretty sure I might have OCD and he agreed with me but couldn't diagnose me, but he says that was his first thought because I sound like a lot of people woth OCD he has talked with before, so it's nice to know that it's not as big a deal as I've made it in my mind. Thanks fpr taking the time to read and reply to my post, have a lovely day :)
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,299 Part of The Furniture
    It does sound difficult having those feelings and trying to process them without acting on them @shameful_possum72. How are you coping with this and the idea of maybe having OCD at the moment? We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us :)
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    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 17 Settling in
    Hi @Laura_tigger82 , it's really difficult to accept and a lot of days feel like battles against constant over thinking and sadness. The possibility of me having OCD helps me understand why I've been spiralling so much about it and makes me feel a bit more normal but I still feel pretty awful about the other part (about me having feelings for him), I feel so alone in this and like a freak, but the truth is that I don't have a very sibling-like relationship with him as he was almost always in his room/seeing his friends when he lived at home and then he moved out when I was about 11, I am now 15 so I have kind of started to mature/become more focused on attraction wothout him as a proper brother figure in my life. The fact that he is conventionally attractive doesn't help either but none of this excuses how wrong it feels. (Thanks for reading)
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,299 Part of The Furniture
    This all sounds really difficult for you @shameful_possum72 - like it helps you to understand a bit more about why you have been feeling this way and experiencing this way but really difficult to accept and a lot of over-thinking and sadness :/ Would anything help at the moment, particularly with feeling less alone? We are here with you and listening to you <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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