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hi

understarsunderstars Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
i've just joined, so this is me saying hi i guess : )

i probably should have joined a long time ago, hopefully this will be a good space to connect with others going through similar stuff and to get some support.

yeah so that's all for this post i guess. it would be nice to get to know some people on here so feel free to message if you want

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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,153 Part of The Furniture
    Hey @understars. A warm welcome to The Mix's community - it is great to see you have joined us. How are you at the moment?

    You have done so well in joining us and sharing a little with us about yourself, especially as you feel this is something you should have done a long time ago.

    Would you like to share a little more with us about what you are going through at the moment? This will just help others with similar stuff to connect with you more quickly.

    We are all here for you and supporting you <3
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    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    understarsunderstars Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    hi @Laura_tigger82 thanks for your reply : )

    i'm not really sure how i'm feeling, i haven't slept yet despite it being the next day entirely and the afternoon but i'm not really tired either. i feel quite disconnected at the moment which is a unsettling.

    a lot has been going on lately which has been very difficult, as well as general stuff that's been going on for years. it's exhausting fighting my own mind everyday and all the time, so i thought i'd join this as therapy hasn't really been working out and i just keep being put on waiting lists.
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,153 Part of The Furniture
    It sounds like you are having a difficult time at the moment @understars with a lack of sleep, having a lot going on and general stuff that's been going on for years.

    Would you like to talk to us more about this? We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share a little more about this and what's been happening for you.

    Different things work best for different people and that's completely ok. Waiting lists can be frustrating. Sending you hugs <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,956 Extreme Poster
    Hi @understars and welcome to the community! :)
    I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. I hope you can can get some good rest soon, sleep is really important!
    Just as @Laura_tigger82 said, if you have anything you want to talk about then we are all here to listen. Sending hugs! <3
    Looking forward to seeing you around. Take care!
    Believe in me - who believes in you
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    understarsunderstars Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    edited May 2023
    thanks for the replies

    right now: i don't feel real, my hands don't look like they belong to me and even writing this it just feels like i'm watching myself. i feel like i'm not even alive, like some part of my soul is missing or something. i hate it, and it's a really uncomfortable feeling.

    the past few weeks:

    i've been worried about finding a place to live (my tenancy runs out in june). worried about uni, on a leave of absence because of my mental health and don't think i'll be able to return when i was planning as i'm not doing any better than i was (i think i might even be doing worse)

    It was also a birthday of the family member who is the person caused some trauma in my childhood. This time of year brings stuff to mind more which is really making things worse atm and making my feelings around that worse than usual as it's more in my mind

    Also, my therapy ended and it didn't help at all, i waited 2 years to access it as well. this has been making me feel hopeless and unfixable

    In general: i've been struggling a lot with anhedonia, constant self hatred, guilt, shame and doubt. And a combination of either being too overwhelmed and feeling too much or feeling too detached and like i'm not even real (i don't know which is worse). Lately I've been numb most of the time.

    (sorry i kept editing as i kept regretting writing certain things and wanted to correct some spelling)
    Post edited by understars on
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    understarsunderstars Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    JJLemon18 wrote: »
    Hi @understars and welcome to the community! :)
    I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. I hope you can can get some good rest soon, sleep is really important!
    Just as @Laura_tigger82 said, if you have anything you want to talk about then we are all here to listen. Sending hugs! <3
    Looking forward to seeing you around. Take care!

    thanks, I hope so too. I might try and go to sleep soon
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    JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,956 Extreme Poster
    edited May 2023
    @understars Oh no, I'm really sorry to hear about all of this, it all sounds like a lot that you're going through right now. I can relate to a lot of the things you mentioned, so I really understand the difficult situation that you find yourself in and how tough it must all feel. I'm really sorry I don't have much advice for you. Remember that self care is the most important and that you are not alone in this! Sending lots of hugs! <3
    Also if you want to talk about anything in particular then I'll be here :)
    Believe in me - who believes in you
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    understarsunderstars Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    @JJLemon18 Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not alone <3 sending hugs to you too !!
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    Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,159 Community Veteran
    Hi @understars its so nice to meet you. I totally get how you feel especially with feeling tired and disconnected from everything, that in itself can make anyone feel overwhelmed. I'm always here if you would like to talk more about how you are feeling.

    Sending hugs,

    Amy22 <3
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,931 Extreme Poster
    Welcome to the community @understars! It sounds you're in a difficult spot at the moment and there's a lot on mind, and I can especially appreciate that therapy outcome can be frustrating after such a long wait. We hear you and support you, you're not alone. Please remember to look after yourself through this time!
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    understarsunderstars Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    @Amy22 thanks, sending hugs back <3
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    understarsunderstars Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    @Azziman yeah, it's really difficult going thorough so many waiting lists just to get 8 sessions of therapy only to then wait another year or 2 to go through the same thing again, it's just not enough support for a lot of people.

    I'm trying my best to look after myself, I finally managed to sleep which is something at least
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    support_squad23support_squad23 Posts: 113 The Mix Convert
    Hi @understars

    I can see how frustrating and defeating this must feel. You deserve to receive support and care, continuously. Persisting in the face of this must be exhausting at times. When therapy doesn't have the outcome we envision, this can lead us to wonder what will 'work' or 'help'. Feelings of hopelessness aren't uncommon in such circumstances. We are here with you, to work through this together.

    I'm glad to hear you've been able to get some sleep. Getting some rest and reaching out for support here are two positive steps you've taken to look out for yourself. May I ask if you're receiving support from your university, and whether you have any support regarding your housing issues? We are able to signpost some services if this would interest you.

    Take care
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    emiip98emiip98 Moderator Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    Hi @understars welcome to the mix :3 I hope you find this community a good place to share your experiences and find support <3 Hope you start to feel better soon :)
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    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    ebyrne556ebyrne556 Moderator Posts: 897 Part of The Mix Family
    Heya @understars lovely to have you as part of the community and hopefully its a helpful and safe space for you.Take care of yourself
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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