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Drunk sex
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
[deleted]
Post edited by JustV on
3
Comments
Firstly, welcome to the community, we're really glad you've joined and it's awesome to see you feeling comfortable to share some of the things you're facing at the moment
It sounds like you're feeling a lot of emotions towards an event that happened between you and a friend.
When we drink, it can cloud our judgement and make us think something is a good idea, that actually may not be. That's not our fault, and is the result of alcohol being in our system. You're not alone in this, and I'm sure there are many community members who will agree with me on this one! Almost everyone has done something they regret when they're under the influence of alcohol, so try not to be too hard on yourself.
Have you spoken to your friend since the event? It can be helpful to talk things through with the other person so that you're both aware of how the other is feeling and maybe support each other? It might be a little awkward to bring up, but maybe do it over text if that feels easier or maybe when the 2 of you are some place quiet?
You've not done anything wrong here, and maybe once you're able to let yourself accept that, things might start to feel a little better. I can hear that you're quite young, and there is no pressure to have all the answers now, or know what the right thing to do is. You're doing your best, take things easy
First of all I want you to know it's completely normal to have very complicated feelings towards these kind of situations and it's great that you're reaching out for advice and support. I'm sorry you've been feeling regret and want you to know there's no shame in being sexually active at a young age if both parties are consenting.
As @Emma_ said, you've done nothing wrong in this situation and, even though you mentioned not wanting to have sex this young, alcohol sometimes can cloud our judgements and lower our inhibitions, making us want to do things we usually would not in a different situation. That does not mean that you're at fault here or that you did anything bad.
It's very good you reached out to your friend and are thinking of talking to your mother about it. If you think that it'll make you feel better to have her input and support I'd say go for it! It can be a little awkward to have this kind of conversation with parents but it's also really positive to have an open, non-judgemental, and honest relationship with them. Ultimately I think you should consider your own comfort first, if you believe that talking to her will make you feel better and that it would help you see the situation with more clarity then that might be the right thing to do.
Let us know how it goes
If you feel safe talking to your mum about this then yes, of course! As @genderless_fungi said, it might feel a little awkward but it's really good to have an open and honest conversation with your mum. You could maybe start by letting her you have something you want to share and that you'd like her help and support?
You can do this
Like genderless fungi said there’s no shame in being sexually active at a young age if both parties are consenting. I guess it’s the feeling of knowing actually you didn’t want to, but I think a big part of regret is to accept, though this is incredibly hard to do. We go through life making mistakes, feeling regret, guilt and shame, but it’s about learning from this and gaining a better understanding of yourself and what you want. Can I ask, you say she has a recording of you drunk, is this when the two of you were intimate?
I think talking to mum will really help if you guys have a close relationship and you feel you would get support from her. It doesn’t have to be embarrassing because the reality is everyone has sex at some point through life, so I feel like she would probably appreciate you confiding in her. If you don’t feel comfortable having a spoken conversation you could write her a letter - how does that sound?
Try to be gentle with yourself
Take care