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Drunk sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
edited November 2023 in Sex & Relationships
[deleted]
Post edited by JustV on

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    Emma_Emma_ Community Manager Posts: 601 Incredible Poster
    Hey @kittenlover,

    Firstly, welcome to the community, we're really glad you've joined and it's awesome to see you feeling comfortable to share some of the things you're facing at the moment <3

    It sounds like you're feeling a lot of emotions towards an event that happened between you and a friend.

    When we drink, it can cloud our judgement and make us think something is a good idea, that actually may not be. That's not our fault, and is the result of alcohol being in our system. You're not alone in this, and I'm sure there are many community members who will agree with me on this one! Almost everyone has done something they regret when they're under the influence of alcohol, so try not to be too hard on yourself.

    Have you spoken to your friend since the event? It can be helpful to talk things through with the other person so that you're both aware of how the other is feeling and maybe support each other? It might be a little awkward to bring up, but maybe do it over text if that feels easier or maybe when the 2 of you are some place quiet?

    You've not done anything wrong here, and maybe once you're able to let yourself accept that, things might start to feel a little better. I can hear that you're quite young, and there is no pressure to have all the answers now, or know what the right thing to do is. You're doing your best, take things easy <3
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    genderless_fungigenderless_fungi Moderator Posts: 170 Helping Hand
    Hi @kittenlover

    First of all I want you to know it's completely normal to have very complicated feelings towards these kind of situations and it's great that you're reaching out for advice and support. I'm sorry you've been feeling regret and want you to know there's no shame in being sexually active at a young age if both parties are consenting.

    As @Emma_ said, you've done nothing wrong in this situation and, even though you mentioned not wanting to have sex this young, alcohol sometimes can cloud our judgements and lower our inhibitions, making us want to do things we usually would not in a different situation. That does not mean that you're at fault here or that you did anything bad.
    It's very good you reached out to your friend and are thinking of talking to your mother about it. If you think that it'll make you feel better to have her input and support I'd say go for it! It can be a little awkward to have this kind of conversation with parents but it's also really positive to have an open, non-judgemental, and honest relationship with them. Ultimately I think you should consider your own comfort first, if you believe that talking to her will make you feel better and that it would help you see the situation with more clarity then that might be the right thing to do.

    Let us know how it goes
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    Emma_Emma_ Community Manager Posts: 601 Incredible Poster

    Do you think talking to my mum about it all might help? Whats the best way to tell her what happened which wouldn't be too embarassing? Since sex is quite intimate I want her to know that that's why I am SO upset but it's also a hard subject.

    If you feel safe talking to your mum about this then yes, of course! As @genderless_fungi said, it might feel a little awkward but it's really good to have an open and honest conversation with your mum. You could maybe start by letting her you have something you want to share and that you'd like her help and support?

    You can do this <3
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    RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @kittenlover thank you for sharing. You’re definitely not the only one to feel this way, and regret after drinking alcohol is really hard because it’s easy to overthink and feel anxiety. People call it ‘beer fear’ and it’s very common, so try to be gentle with yourself.

    Like genderless fungi said there’s no shame in being sexually active at a young age if both parties are consenting. I guess it’s the feeling of knowing actually you didn’t want to, but I think a big part of regret is to accept, though this is incredibly hard to do. We go through life making mistakes, feeling regret, guilt and shame, but it’s about learning from this and gaining a better understanding of yourself and what you want. Can I ask, you say she has a recording of you drunk, is this when the two of you were intimate?

    I think talking to mum will really help if you guys have a close relationship and you feel you would get support from her. It doesn’t have to be embarrassing because the reality is everyone has sex at some point through life, so I feel like she would probably appreciate you confiding in her. If you don’t feel comfortable having a spoken conversation you could write her a letter - how does that sound?

    Try to be gentle with yourself <3
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    ebyrne556ebyrne556 Moderator Posts: 889 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi @kittenlover Glad to hear that you are feeling better about things and feel ready to move on and accept. Proud of you for opening up and you know where we are if you need us
    Take care
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @kittenlover really great to hear you’re feeling better about this. This space is always open whenever you need x
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