Struggling today

independent_

I can't find the hug thread. But today has been hard. Forced myself to do cleaning, gave myself a list of a few things to do and picked one at random because I've hated how unproductive I've been lately. Then tonight I got triggered by something on the news and now I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sat in the kitchen with magic radio on, drinking wine and struggling to stop my brain going back and forth. I just need encouragement I guess.

Past User

Hey Elle, sorry to hear you've been struggling. Finding ways to keep yourself occupied is a pretty great idea, productive or not. Maybe I should take a few notes and get something done myself, honestly cleaning would be a great idea given all the shit I've collected over Christmas. Are you still doing your volunteer helpline work? Got people around that you can talk to?

independent_

@Past User yeah, it helped once I got into it but bloody hell it was hard to start

Yeah still working on the helpline, not on shift till thursday now. My partner is here but he goes home tomorrow, parents here too but it's hard to actually talk about it. Might talk to partner later.

Thanks for responding so quick

Past User

I bet it was. It says a lot that you managed it though, I'm glad it helped.

That's a great idea. Honestly, even if you only want to mention it in passing, it's good to get it off your chest as simple as that sounds. Anything you'd enjoy doing tomorrow?

No worries there, not in the best place myself so I'm kinda just staring into the void and spam refreshing waiting for something to engage my mind.

independent_

@Past User sorry to hear you're not doing good either

I think it was how shit everything on the news was that didn't help today. Plus the thing about A&E waiting times which always brings back the memory of me going and I always feel like a time waster

Past User

The news is always hysterical and shit, that's why I never watch it. As for A&E waiting times, there are a hundred reasons for that which aren't you being a time waster. If you need help, then you deserve it. It just sucks that those services have fallen into the state that they're in. Definitely don't hold that against yourself retroactively!

Makes me wonder about why it's so easy for outside influences to trigger all those negative thoughts though. That shit is happening to me all the time lately, be it through the news, seeing other people or otherwise.

independent_

Past User wrote: »

The news is always hysterical and shit, that's why I never watch it. As for A&E waiting times, there are a hundred reasons for that which aren't you being a time waster. If you need help, then you deserve it. It just sucks that those services have fallen into the state that they're in. Definitely don't hold that against yourself retroactively!

Makes me wonder about why it's so easy for outside influences to trigger all those negative thoughts though. That shit is happening to me all the time lately, be it through the news, seeing other people or otherwise.

@Past User yeah it's happening to me a lot lately too, I just went to A&E for something totally stupid and every time that comes up specifically it's really hard to stop it triggering things.

I spoke to my partner and we're just playing some video games together, which has helped a bit, now i feel stupid for making this, just a rubbish day and I don't like to moan about things.

Past User

Nah you did the right thing making this. Glad you're feeling a bit better. I mean if you posting this was an issue then I'm really in trouble

sinead276

Hope your both feeling a bit better today and remember we are always here for you on the boards so talk about any issues/problems/feelings as much or as little as you want


Sending lots of hugs
Sinead

Former Member

@independent_ Sending you big hugs 🫂 I'm so sorry to hear that something triggered you especially when you're just trying to get through your day. When the big feelings hit what usually helps you to self regulate?

Plus the thing about A&E waiting times which always brings back the memory of me going and I always feel like a time waster

That's exactly how I felt untill I realised that ending up in hospital was a side effect of how poorly I was and the same goes to you too.

This is going to sound a bit weird but when my urges got really bad, I would travel to the hospital and sit on a bench to write in my journal. I would use the guilt to propel me into not getting admitted and it worked hahaha

I'll mental health is one heck a pain to deal with but it absolutely isn't your fault and you still deserve support and treatment. Venting is a healthy way of processing big feelings, it's probably one of the healthiest things you can do for you mental wellbeing 😉

Keep talking, keep sharing and never stop seeking support because you deserve it 💛

independent_

Thank you @sinead276 that’s really kind of you

@Salix_alba2019 thank you for that perspective, it’s really good to know it’s not just me who feels guilty about hospitals, every time I go without an appointment I can’t help but think it’s stupid and they’re under enough pressure without me.

Yesterday was better, kept myself busy and I have a zoom call today which is stressing me out but at least I’m not sat on my arse doing nothing. Which is really hard not to do but it makes me feel guilty too.

Amy22

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been feeling great @Independant. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.