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Situationship with one of my exes…
Former Member
Keep being you<3Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
Hello guys so I’ve kind of been stuck for quite a while now with one of my exes I’ve known him since 2020 and we’ve been on and off but now it feels like I’m in a situation-ship with him like he doesn’t want a relationship but he wants to do everything we did when we was together. It feels like every time I want to have a serious conversation with him about how I feel he has a go at me and then we start arguing. He never used to be like that before when I say he doesn’t care anymore and is being heartless towards me he gets all defensive and all pissed off when I’m talking truth. I really love this boy with my whole heart I fell in love with him and I don’t want to let him go 😔. When I say I love him he says I know you do I also love you.
Something makes me feel like his not interested anymore because he avoids any deep conversation I start and starts saying oh I don’t want to talk about it etc.
The thing is I know that boy will always have a place deep down in my heart forever but things aren’t going how I want them to go 🥺💔
What makes it worse too is we are long distance he hasn’t even saw me in a real life yet because we end up arguing but we was on face time a lot when we was together.
It breaks my heart thinking that his probably out talking to girks but apparently his got no girl to like but I feel like his got someone behind my back
but he still is talking to me he was going to go forever last night but I begged him to stay which I feel dumb for🥺
Something makes me feel like his not interested anymore because he avoids any deep conversation I start and starts saying oh I don’t want to talk about it etc.
The thing is I know that boy will always have a place deep down in my heart forever but things aren’t going how I want them to go 🥺💔
What makes it worse too is we are long distance he hasn’t even saw me in a real life yet because we end up arguing but we was on face time a lot when we was together.
It breaks my heart thinking that his probably out talking to girks but apparently his got no girl to like but I feel like his got someone behind my back
but he still is talking to me he was going to go forever last night but I begged him to stay which I feel dumb for🥺 1
Comments
Thank you for sharing. This sounds like a tricky position to be in. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like all you really want is some clarity between you both. It's got to be hard whenever you try to have a deeper conversation it ending in an argument, with him saying he doesn't want to talk about it. How does that make you feel?
I think that sometimes spoken conversations aren't always the best way of communicating because you don't necessarily have the time to think before you reply and it's all very fast paced. Have you thought about writing him a letter? I feel that letters give the writer the space to really convey everything on their mind, and the receiver a chance to really hear it, without reacting because they are given the time to process. How do you feel about this idea?
One thing I noticed, underneath your username it says 'keep being you'. It's incredibly hard when you have such a deep attachment to someone, but maybe you have to ask yourself, does being with him make you feel like yourself? There could be many reasons from his side why he doesn't want to talk about it or feels uncomfortable and gets defensive, but is this behavior something you want in your life? If you are willing and open to be honest with him, then you deserve that to be reciprocated.
Take care
Thankyou for responding to me yes it is hard for me him not wanting to have serious conversations with me is upsetting because I feel like I need to get my feelings out to him but every time I do it turns into an argument it’s even harder because It is a long distance also I met him on an app in 2020 his just been in my life ever since🥺it just hurts that I can’t tell him how I feel without us arguing.
I haven’t thought about that and I haven’t got his address anymore I deleted it I could write him a letter but the thing is my mom and my mom’s boyfriend don’t really like him because they think his manipulative and keeps me waiting for him.
To be honest with you when we was together I actually fell in love with the boy we used to FaceTime 24/7 nearly all day he was a big part of my life and still deep down I think we are meant to be.
We used to talk about random things and tell each other if something was wrong etc.
When I tell him I love him he says love you but I don’t know if that is true anymore 😔
Once again thankyou for responding ❤️
I can hear it is upsetting you that you don’t feel able to tell him how you feel without arguing, especially as it is also a long-distance relationship.
It sounds like things have changed from what they used to be. What, if anything, might make things feel more manageable for you at the moment?
How do you feel about what your mom and mom’s boyfriend think? We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us
To be honest I don’t really know how to make things manageable for me because I really do love him and I want him back I fell in love with the boy.
About what they think I don’t know it hurts to hear what they think because they don’t like him anymore because they think his manipulative and they think I don’t have no respect for myself because of him.
Going through a break-up can feel absolutely devastating. When such a significant aspect of your daily life and perhaps your identity is withdrawn, the adjustment can be incredibly painful and can feel endless. It can feel impossible to comprehend how this happened and to accept that the decision may be permanent. This can leave us with so many questions and maybe even a feeling of being abandoned. In this context, it makes sense that you're finding his lack of communication to be painful. Transitioning from regular contact to silence is bound to be hard to grapple with.
In times like these, it is important to rely on our support networks, so I am pleased to see that you've been able to reach out here. We are by your side and can work through this together. I'd like to be able to find some support or relief for you. How do you usually cope with difficult emotions? Using coping mechanisms can help pull us through tough times like these, whether it be reaching out to family, spending time with animals, gaming, therapy or whatever brings you some peace.
Understandably, you may wish for this pain to end immediately, but by consistently implementing coping mechanisms and reaching out for support, you will start the brave journey towards getting through this.
Take care.
Yes I do feel them emotions especially when it’s gone to a situationship with him but I found out if I don’t message him for a few hours he messages me I don’t know does that mean he might be missing me or something?
The strange thing is my gut feeling is telling me we will get back together soon I don’t know if you have TikTok but all over my fyp is spiritual cards about love and relationship with a past relationship coming back my way that’s the sort of videos I’ve been getting so far I don’t know if it’s right I do have a bit of hope I just don’t know.
He did ask me to ft him today so I did so I don’t know if we will go back together anytime soon I have some sort of gut feeling we will but I’m not fully sure
I can hear that your gut feeling is telling you that you will get back together soon. How are you feeling about this at the moment?
It sounds like you are trying to understand what it all means but you are just not completely sure. Hopefully, time will help make it clearer for you.
Hope always sounds like a positive thing and I am really glad to hear you at least have some hope, regardless of what the outcome might be.
Here for you and listening to you if you want to talk this through further with us. Please feel free to keep us in the loop with how you are doing
Just wanted to check in on you and see if there was any update with how you are feeling about this all now, if you wanted to share? I know it can be tough going into a new year without the person that you love
Take care x
I don’t know why but I’m overthinking about this and I think I will ruin it my parents don’t like him they think his a player and might be going behind my back because of all the things he did in the past I’m constantly overthinking this now tho
He did admit to me he was a player before he met me.
Now I’m wondering if he does have someone else and how to tell if he does
I'm glad to hear that things are starting to look up in regards to being back together, but of course that's not easy when your parents aren't really supportive of the relationship at all and when you're constantly stressed about whether you can trust him or not.
It sounds like your parents just want to ensure that you are appreciated as you deserve in a relationship and they are cautious of his past behaviours. It seems like that's something you can both agree on, but of course you also have very deep feelings for him, which makes working things out a lot harder.
I'd be grateful to hear some more about what makes you feel like you're going to ruin things? Also, what is the official status of the relationship now?
Thank you for the update!
I wondered, when you guys got back together, did you discuss everything that went on before and how you felt? I know in the past you mentioned he wasn't keen on having deeper conversations, has that changed at all? Because, maybe, you could write down on a piece of paper what runs through your mind when you over think, then if you feel up to it, share it with him.
Two of the most important things in a relationship are trust and communication, so I think it's important to be honest with him about any issues you have surrounding that.
@Libby_ That’s how they are x
The fact that he opened up to you sounds positive, but it sounds really tough that mostly every time you try to have a harder conversation it ends with him having a go at you. Everyone has unhealthy habits of coping and it's easy to get into them, I guess he needs to realise this for himself. You suggesting to maybe go and talk to a mental health professional is a good suggestion and I think it was the right thing to do because it's good to explore all options, and this can be really life changing for people. You are coming from a place of love and genuine care and ultimately you should never be made to feel guilty for that. If he doesn't want to speak to a professional for his own reasons, that's completely fine, but it would have been better to say something like I'm not ready for that, or that's not something I want to explore, rather than having a go at you. When he apologised, did he say why he didn't like this suggestion?
You don't want to end up getting to a place where you are treading on eggshells just to please him, and neglecting yourself and your wellbeing. You seem like you really care about him and want the best for him. Do you feel like he gives his all to you?
xxx
Yes that is very positive I totally agree with you when he apologised he said I’m sorry my head has been all over the place I know you just want to help and I appreciate that he said the reason why is because he doesn’t like talking to people about things like that.
I feel like I’m the one that puts the most effort into this he just gives up easily when he doesn’t like what I say xx
If he can’t see your worth he isn’t the one for you, your beautiful inside and out and worth of the right love, if he doesn’t see how wonderful you are he is a looser