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Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,172 Boards Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Im so pathetic. I feel like crying just because my cousin just left who came down to see us. shes my safe person, when im with her everything feels better. Ever since i lost my stepmum its been like this. I feel like she gets me, shes there for me but when she goes back home from being down even tho shes alive i feel like ive lost her. I feel like shes gone.
🦆💜🦆💜🦆

Comments

  • mk1881mk1881 Posts: 131 The Mix Convert
    @Chloe234, Please know that you aren't pathetic for feeling this way. When going through loss, there's usually a person we cling to. And your cousin just happens to be that person. It's okay to be dependent on family and have close relationships with them. I'm happy you have such a strong bond with her. I'd encourage you to keep in close contact with her when y'all aren't actively together with each other. Have a good cry if you need, it's therapeutic. Here if you want to talk about it more.
    -Vinnie
    "But our lives will only ever always Continue to be A balancing act That has less to do with pain And more to do with beauty." -Shane Koyczan
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    It sounds like you have a really beautiful relationship with your cousin and that should never be seen as pathetic @Chloe234 <3 Sometimes when a person makes us feel so safe, loved and understood, it can feel quite devastating when they leave (even if that only means leaving to go home or going on holiday, rather than leaving permanently).

    It seems like after experiencing so much painful loss, you are looking for that safety in someone else who can understand, and i think this is a really brave thing to do. Not everyone can be vulnerable enough to say they need human connection, and here you are asking for it so strongly. =)

    Sometimes, it can help to just talk about the person you love, even when you cannot be with them in person. So, how about you tell me the best things about your cousin? What makes her feel so safe to you? <3
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  • RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    Hey @Chloe234

    Thank you for sharing with us and by no means are you pathetic in any way. It's good to cry to release trapped emotion and there is no right or wrong with that. I feel like I can relate to you, having some deep-rooted abandonment issues has meant that I hate goodbyes. Even if it is just a goodbye for a month, whenever I have spent a couple of days with my mum or my partner, I still cry when I leave them even though it won't be that long until I see them again. You have lost your step-mum, whether you are still grieving or not, this sounds like it has left you with some internal trauma so that it feels like they are leaving you for good, and you are suffering the loss over and over. I know this is easier said than done, but try to appreciate the positive in this, that you have someone who is so special to you, who is your safe person. It sounds like you have a really special relationship with your cousin.

    Be gentle with yourself and please don't think you are pathetic <3
  • RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @Chloe234 - just checking in with how you are feeling in more recent days?

    <3
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,172 Boards Guru
    Thankyou everyone! sorry i havent been very active/responsive
    mk1881 wrote: »
    @Chloe234, Please know that you aren't pathetic for feeling this way. When going through loss, there's usually a person we cling to. And your cousin just happens to be that person. It's okay to be dependent on family and have close relationships with them. I'm happy you have such a strong bond with her. I'd encourage you to keep in close contact with her when y'all aren't actively together with each other. Have a good cry if you need, it's therapeutic. Here if you want to talk about it more.
    -Vinnie

    Thankyou @mk1881 yeah i do keep in contact with her, not as much as id like to but as much as i can as she has a pretty busy job (she works transporting patients to-and-from hospital
    AislingDM wrote: »
    It sounds like you have a really beautiful relationship with your cousin and that should never be seen as pathetic @Chloe234 <3 Sometimes when a person makes us feel so safe, loved and understood, it can feel quite devastating when they leave (even if that only means leaving to go home or going on holiday, rather than leaving permanently).

    It seems like after experiencing so much painful loss, you are looking for that safety in someone else who can understand, and i think this is a really brave thing to do. Not everyone can be vulnerable enough to say they need human connection, and here you are asking for it so strongly. =)

    Sometimes, it can help to just talk about the person you love, even when you cannot be with them in person. So, how about you tell me the best things about your cousin? What makes her feel so safe to you? <3

    Thankyou @AislingDM <3 Hmm the best things about her and what makes me feel so safe, probably how caring and understanding she is. And also probably her sense of humor, shes never afraid to crack a joke or two

    RenP wrote: »
    Hey @Chloe234

    Thank you for sharing with us and by no means are you pathetic in any way. It's good to cry to release trapped emotion and there is no right or wrong with that. I feel like I can relate to you, having some deep-rooted abandonment issues has meant that I hate goodbyes. Even if it is just a goodbye for a month, whenever I have spent a couple of days with my mum or my partner, I still cry when I leave them even though it won't be that long until I see them again. You have lost your step-mum, whether you are still grieving or not, this sounds like it has left you with some internal trauma so that it feels like they are leaving you for good, and you are suffering the loss over and over. I know this is easier said than done, but try to appreciate the positive in this, that you have someone who is so special to you, who is your safe person. It sounds like you have a really special relationship with your cousin.

    Be gentle with yourself and please don't think you are pathetic <3
    RenP wrote: »
    @Chloe234 - just checking in with how you are feeling in more recent days?
    <3

    Thankyou @RenP <3 ive not been the best honestly but plodding along, wouldve been my stepmums birthday this month so thatll be hard. I guess im just waiting for the next bad thing to happen :sweat_smile: school and all the stress with that isnt helping either but I'll live
    🦆💜🦆💜🦆
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Ah, I love that. Sometimes that's exactly what we need. A bit of a joker who knows just when to lighten the mood <3 She sounds like a truly wonderful person @Chloe234 , it's no wonder you value her so much! I'm sure she feels the same way about you xx
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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