"We Need to Talk"-Used (Updates/d)

Former Member

A little sense of background, a guy who I was seeing was five years older than me. We had gotten together and I was feeling used because I didn't know if he actually wanted a relationship or not. We were set to talk about what our relationship was on Monday.

Today is Tuesday so here's how Monday went: I had a friend and his girlfriend come over just to hang out and bring me piece of mind about my upcoming conversation, also those friends and I had hung out and I needed my stuff from his house. So they came at around 11 and we were having a good time and then the potential partner came over around 12. They were all hungry so we went to get food and then came back. I layed on my friend and watched Tiktok just having a good time. His girlfriend went in the other room with the other guy and I found out later was ranting about how I was too close with her boyfriend. So now I'm learning to re-establish boundaries with that friendship. Anyways I eventually had them leave and then we talked.

He stated that we should remain friends because we were at different points in our lives and the age gap was a big thing for others. He also wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship at the time. All of the things he said I had expected. It didn't hurt to hear, of course I was a little disappointed but I'm glad he's doing what he needs to for himself. We cuddled after talking and then he kissed me. Which is incredibly confusing because we had just stated we were going to remain friends haha. But we are going to be friends and we're not going to engage in sexual ways again. When we were talking about boundaries with our other friend and I had mentioned cuddling with him and he got a little jealous. So now we have "exclusive cuddling" with each. He still makes me incredibly happy, but I'm so excited for the woman that's going to come into his life. He's going to make her incredibly happy.

Anyways, thank you guys for the support with this issue. It all worked out in the end. Despite not being a classic fairytale. I'm just glad I still get to have my friend.

Former Member

Hey @mk1881 thanks for sharing your update 💜 It sounds like you are doing well and are ok with what happens next, is that fair to say?

I had a relationship with an age gap similar to yours when I was 16 and looking back I’m glad it ended quickly tbh. When you’re older, age doesn’t mean as much but you’ll be going through very different stages of life RN which makes maintaining a relationship very hard. It sounds like you will stay good friends though which is great.

Again thanks for sharing and here if you want to talk more
- Lucy

Former Member

@Lucy307,
I am doing well. Our talk when better than expected and it is true we're at different stages. But I'm learning to value those stages. I never want to feel the pressure to grow up faster than I need to. Definetly good friends moving forward. Thanks for your response^^

sinead276

I'm a bit late to the situation but I just read all this and wanted to say I'm glad it all played out nicely for all involved and you're able to remain friends with them

Sending hugs
Sinead

Former Member

@sinead276, Thank you so much!! I am really glad too. I'm still in the "post breakup" feelings even though we were never together. But he's going places he always wanted and I couldn't be happier for him.

AislingDM

Completely get that point you make about 'post-breakup' feelings @mk1881 Sometimes when things aren't 'official' it can be even harder to process any upset we are feeling because it's almost like we can't allow ourselves to totally feel our emotions in a valid way. You seem like such an insightful person and i think it's really mature how you've handled each aspect of this situation

how have you been feeling over the past few days? xx

Former Member

@AislingDM, I'm doing alright. Things have gotten even more hectic with the person. He kissed me again after a party and after us specifically clarifying our relationship to be friends. I don't know. I am feeling better about it just little confused. But I'm going to be staying with a friend on Sunday so that's really exciting!! And thank you, I'm trying to be mature about it and respectful towards the other person. How are you doing??

AislingDM

Ah, that definitely would have made me super confused too!! Especially because he was quite the leader in the 'just friends' conversation @mk1881 ! Don't get me wrong, I know emotions are far more complex than just sticking the label 'friends' on top, but of course you don't want to be in a position of huge uncertainty.

Regardless, it is nice to know that you're feeling more positive about the whole thing, and maybe through staying with this friend you can get out of your head about all this for a brief period! Out of curiosity, do you want to have clear-cut clarity on the state of your relationship with him, or are you more comfortable going with the flow for now?

Definitely, I think it can certainly be hard to maintain a level-head in these confusing situations, no matter how old anyone is. So, you're really awesome to give so much deference to his feelings here (just promise me you won't neglect your own!).

I am feeling very happy at the moment, thank you for checking in with me too