leting someone down gentle

ellie2000

how do u tell someone, tht im goin to a concert and im goin to holiday for peace n to get sound mind day after, so they not able come, they were supposed to come to the concert, bc im goin on holiday to get away from a town tht i do not like to live in
im goin on holiday with a family member who i dont c often, they're concerned

Former Member

Hi Ellie, I think the best way to let someone down gently is to simply be honest about what you need and why it’s not personal about them. Do you think they might understand?

ellie2000

i weary of saying no i say no, but i cant find the right words. i forgot this stuff, thts why im asking 4 ideas

AislingDM

I think it's good that you're asking for ideas if you're not feeling 100%. Especially because you don't want to run the risk of upsetting anyone, especially anyone that you are close to @ellie2000

As Lucy says, being upfront is certainly the best approach for people to process their feelings in a healthy way. Equally, it can be good to think of some ways to make your honesty hurt less. Some things that seem to work are:

1) Talk in person or on the phone if possible. That way the sincerity of your emotions will be read correctly. Sometimes with texts it can be harder to figure out what feeling a person is having.
2) Start with as positive a spin as you can, whilst still being honest. "I know this concert would be so amazing and we've been so looking forward to it. But I have to be honest that my mental health is struggling right now, and I need to think of ways to put that first".
3) Validate their feelings. When we are letting someone down easy, often they feel some kind of negative emotion, so rather than being defensive and saying something like "you don't even like the band that much anyway", it's better to try and say "I get why this is frustrating, and I am sorry to spring this on you". However..
4) ... Stay firm in your message. It can be so easy to try to make compromises, and sometimes that's great and really helpful, but other times no compromise can be made and someone has to be a little disappointed, so try hard to remain assertive about what you need and why you are doing this.

I hope this helps a little xx

Former Member

Hi there @ellie2000
I see that @AislingDM gave some really incredible advice. I was just wondering whether how things went, always open to hearing an update 😊

ellie2000

Things went all gd, the person I sed to, I sed I was goin to oslo day after the concert. I was panicking about tht 1 n how it was goin to work.
I h8 to disappoint ppl as I know how tht feels. To avoid feelings of being scared n disappointment I just play games

ellie2000

I'm playing dark souls 3, and whilst playing tht is I realised how much I missed

AislingDM

That makes a lot of sense to be honest @ellie2000, wanting people not to be hurt by our actions is the sign of a really compassionate person. Yet, sometimes it's unavoidable, especially when we have to be honest with them and ourselves. I think you've done a wonderful job, and I am glad the conversation went smoothly