My mum self harms

Former Member

My mum hurts herself when shes stressed. Nothing I say will make her stop or calm down and I get so scared. Sometimes she says it's to punish herself for having a bad child (me). It really upsets me and I feel so guilty. I never do anything that bad. She gets angry over small things and says I don't love her. What should I do?

Kate_20

@hamster56 It must be distressing to see your mum struggling like that. Sending hugs. I hear that you are upset about how she perceives you. Have you shared your situation with someone who can help her?

Former Member

I don't know who could help her and I feel like telling someone would just make things worse. I don't want to cause any more stress.

Former Member

Hey @hamster56 that sounds incredibly tough. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Do you have anyone else in your family / close circle you might be able to open up to about this? Or anyone at school / college / work maybe? The first good step is to talk about how this is making you feel, so it’s really brave of you to come here and share, we’re here for you 💜 And hoping you can find someone to talk to face to face too. I know you said you don’t want to cause more stress, but maybe you could start by talking through your own feelings, it doesn’t mean you need to go into detail with others if that’s making you uncomfortable?

The other thing I wanted to stress is that if your mum is self harming, she is clearly in a very dark place - so although this is really hard, it’s her illness that’s treating you this way, not her alone. It’s certainly not your fault for any of it - I hope you believe that.

Sending you massive hugs, please let us know how you’re getting on

Lucy

Former Member

Is it wrong to be upset with someone for self harming? I know my mum is stressed but its like she doesn't care about my feelings. She knows how much it upsets me but she still self harms in front of me. I'm basically forced to watch because she gets angry if I walk away because she thinks I don't care about her. Honestly I feel useless and selfish because I don't know how to help her and I'm just posting about my feelings as if I'm the one who needs help.

Former Member

This all sounds like a very upsetting situation to be in @hamster56 and it's totally understandable that it's effecting you so much like you said. You mentioned that you don't want to tell anyone what's going on and while it's totally up to you whether or not you do I do wonder if anything's ever going to change for you or your mother at this rate. Do you have any ideas for who you think could help your mother stop self-harming or perhaps help you out of this distressing situation? Does your mother already see a doctor regularly?

I don't think you are being selfish at all by talking about your feelings or seeking help, it takes an awful lot of bravery to talk about these things! While it's understandable that you're worried about your mother's health but it's important to pay attention to your own health as well, is there anything you can think of that could help you feel a little better? Even if it's just something little like a coping mechanism or method of self-care just focusing on your own needs can make the world of difference.

AislingDM

Don't want to pile on too much here @hamster56 , but just wanted to say you are so brilliantly brave for being able to talk about such a complex and difficult situation. You sound like a wonderful child who is still so concerned and compassionate despite hearing such painful things about yourself, you really do deserve so much love and appreciation and I promise you that you are not selfish at all

Worrying about how you can help is already way beyond what can be expected of someone's child, but yet you are still so committed to helping in any way that you can, which is so wonderful!

Huge huge hugs and hoping things can become easier for you both with time and support xx