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Embarrassment

So last year, I was in year 3 of my degree. I completed 60 credits (2 modules). I had really struggled with anxiety, I delayed absolutely everything and procrastination was out of control, I may as well have just dropped out. I passed two modules in the high 60s range, and failed my dissertation and business project. My programme leader was aware of my mental health difficulties. So I emailed her and asked if I could repeat 3rd year to do the dissertation and business project again… so off I went. Different mindset, I felt like a different person. I attended the classes for both modules, passed the proposal, didn’t do anything for the business module. And now, in may, I still haven’t achieved anything and I have literally lost every single ounce of motivation and have done since March. I feel too ashamed and embarrassed to get in touch with my programme leaders/tutors. I have ghosted them and I don’t know what to do. I already know my options for exit award - ordinary degree which I’m not proud of in the slightest and in my opinion Is rather useless. Should I settle with an ordinary, considering I’ve pretty much given up?

And to add to the chaos, I got married in June. Yeah, my life is fucking chaos.

I feel defeated.

Hopefully someone will understand.
Leila

Comments

  • LeilaLeila A pretty deep soul 😅💕 Planet eggPosts: 2,064 Boards Champion
    maestro253 wrote: »
    So last year, I was in year 3 of my degree. I completed 60 credits (2 modules). I had really struggled with anxiety, I delayed absolutely everything and procrastination was out of control, I may as well have just dropped out. I passed two modules in the high 60s range, and failed my dissertation and business project. My programme leader was aware of my mental health difficulties. So I emailed her and asked if I could repeat 3rd year to do the dissertation and business project again… so off I went. Different mindset, I felt like a different person. I attended the classes for both modules, passed the proposal, didn’t do anything for the business module. And now, in may, I still haven’t achieved anything and I have literally lost every single ounce of motivation and have done since March. I feel too ashamed and embarrassed to get in touch with my programme leaders/tutors. I have ghosted them and I don’t know what to do. I already know my options for exit award - ordinary degree which I’m not proud of in the slightest and in my opinion Is rather useless. Should I settle with an ordinary, considering I’ve pretty much given up?

    And to add to the chaos, I got married in June. Yeah, my life is fucking chaos.

    I feel defeated.

    Hopefully someone will understand.

    Hey,

    welcome to the mix, lovely your here. it seems you've been struggling, how has this made you feel? It seems you given up on the ordinary degree, what's made you given up? If you feel like you maybe could do it, then I'd say yes, but it's what you'd want to do, as you we can't force you into doing something you feel defeated in doing, thank you for reaching too, very brave, sending you love,

    Leila
  • DandelionDandelion Posts: 1,892 Extreme Poster
    Hey, firstly welcome to the mix it's really nice to meet you. That sounds like a really tough decision you have to make. Well done for completing 2 modules that's an amazing achievement, im in my final year too and I know how tough it is. You say this year you passed your proposal, so is it just the one business module you haven't completed? I think honestly your mental health is more important than any degree and you should do whatever makes you feel good. I understand you feel embarrassed about seeking to your tutor is there anyone else you would feel more comfortable speaking to, to help you make this decision? I don't think taking the ordinary degree is useless, you still got a degree which is an amazing achievement. I think ultimately whilst it is a tough decision you just need to do whatever is better for you <3
    The steps you take don’t need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction. 
  • maestro253maestro253 Posts: 3 Newbie
    @Dandelion thanks for your reply.
    I basically redone 3rd year to get the dissertation and business project passed so that I could then graduate with a BA (hons). I did do some work in the early part of the year and passed the proposal but haven’t done any work on the dissertation itself as I let stress overtake my life, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I have had someone to talk to through the well-being team but I’ve pretty much ghosted her and the rest of the team on my course.

    This is basically a repeat of what happened last year and nothing has improved. So maybe it’s time to just say goodbye to it. I know that I could finish with an ordinary degree without honours. I feel like I’m not good enough for anything and feel like a fraud .
  • DandelionDandelion Posts: 1,892 Extreme Poster
    Hey @maestro253 uni is so so difficult, out of curiosity what degree are you doing, if you don't mind me asking. I'm just asking because there are now so many routes into so many jobs it's likely still very much possible to do whatever you want with an ordinary degree or no degree at all for that matter.

    I understand its hard to talk to people in person about his stuff honestly I'm exactly the same, but well done for reaching out on here. You definitely are good enough, thats proven by the fact that you're at uni. I think you need to do whatever is best for you, but either way you are not a fraud, you are smart and capable of doing whatever you choose to do x
    The steps you take don’t need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction. 
  • maestro253maestro253 Posts: 3 Newbie
    @Dandelion its a creative musicianship degree (music). I teach private music lessons in peoples homes. I know that I technically don’t need a degree per se but I also live in London and it’s extremely competitive. I have other professional qualifications like diplomas in my instrument for performance and a music theory and composition diploma and which are equivalent to the same standard as university and also post nominal meaning I have letters after my name. I think I just want a break to be honest from education and I certainly don’t have the motivation to do the dissertation at this moment.
  • DandelionDandelion Posts: 1,892 Extreme Poster
    Oh wow that sounds really cool. You have already got so many qualifications which is amazing and shows that you are definitely good enough for this career with or without a degree. It sounds like you want to take a break and that’s totally okay you need to do whatever is best for you, and by the sounds of it that’s finishing uni.
    The steps you take don’t need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction. 
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