People who feel entitled to you

Former Member

Well I got another similar topic to this but its slightly different (not related to that situation) and I wanted to write out something in case writing it just helped.

You want to hug and be close to some people. But other ppl when hug and do stuff make you uncomfortable, or even there is a slight hint of sexual idk.
Or ppl who get sexual and weird with u when u dun want.
But you have no problem getting like that with people who you feel that way to or attracted ofc. Yet the people who you reject are like whats wrong with you are u asexual? Are you shy. Like why do I have to accept things from people that are forced on. I mean like even hugs.
I mean hugs can be okay but some people i get a hint of something else or its too tight or uncomfortable. Is it okay to reject hugs from some people and accept from others? I mean I know it is but, I feel like too many people push my boundaries and make me uncomfortable and then say, im the one with the problem? Like really? Why is it so hard to communicate this to some people. I feel like I have to just withdraw completely from people like this, sometimes that is the right thing other times maybe to communicate better but its very hard. I don't like to manipulate others (no matter what my mum says about manipulating which i dont do). I like to let people figure out rhings for themselves, rather than tell them u should be like this. But i know i think i need to sometimes say something is bad, but i often feel like people just deflect it back to me and make me feel worse?

I feel like so many people just want to use u, whether it is to be validated or whatever. Sometimes i need my own space and even if I enjoy some things with u doesnt mean i like everything.

Former Member

@tkdog I agree wholeheartedly with this. It can be very difficult when one puts up boundaries with others, yet they refuse to respect them. I think it is valid to like being hugged and touched by some people; and not by others. I also think that it is good that you are putting your foot down when people cross your boundaries.
I believe that as an individual, it is your right to decide when you would like to be touched. And I am sorry to hear that some have reacted strongly to you being clear with your boundaries. It can be painful when people do that.

Personally, I have experienced letting people touch me when I didn't want to be touched before and it was such an uncomfortable experience! It took me a long time to realize that even the people I care for don't have full entitlement to me, but ever since learning that it's helped me a lot.

Withdrawing from those who cross the line is a perfectly fine method. Communication can be a good method as well, however it can be tough against those who become defensive.

All the best.

Former Member

Hi @tkdog
I'm glad you can express yourself on here and have a place to vent your frustrations.
It is really upsetting when people break boundaries with you, and you are allowed to cut off contact or withdraw from people who do that you. You don't owe people an explanation as to why. Its your choice who you are comfortable having physical contact with. Just because you like to hug one person doesn't mean you have to like hugging everyone! and anybody who says different is wrong.
I am really pleased that you have boundaries and that you can stand up for yourself when someone breaks those boundaries, never stop doing that!
I hope that the people in your life can accept you for you and respect your boundaries!

Former Member

@tkdog I have had a similar experience and the only thing I can really recommend completely cutting them off. I think it's important you prioritize yourself and your own mental wellbeing. I am thankful that you understand the importance of boundaries and can stand up for yourself as @SirArchibald said. I hope you keep up the good work, well done!