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A old note to my younger self
Former Member
Deactivated Posts: 321 The Mix Regular
to my old happy self, before my abuse
you took my freedom you took my virginity you took my whole life away from me. you tracked my every movement i couldn't go to school you was raping me and abusing me you used to make me be silent so that my foster carers couldn't find out, you stopped me from doing activity's and everything a 10 year old would do.
I used to feel terrified i used to self harm each night to deal with the pain you had caused me.
I was 12 i was in year 7 you started meeting me outside my school i used to start crying i started ending my life i felt i had nothing but to go along with you through those harsh times. you caused me a pregnancy from how horrible you were to me.
at 13 i thought i had my partner and things were looking up, you raped me at a train station and made me suffer.
i hope you know how much you have hurt me you are a useless lying prick and i hate you.
the pain, the loss of Meila, the amount of grieve i had was horrible i am now dying because of you.
want to know what you caused me?
a eating disorder, past traumatic stress disorder, a life of suicide a whole running away and ending in hospital and getting picked up by police.
my mum died and i didn't get to say bye because you was raping me the day she passed away.
i didn't get to say bye you know how horrible that is?
my dad has hated me ever since saying why didn't you say bye to your own mother? you disgraceful girl you're not my daughter if you leave i don't care you lied about loving your mother and get out of my life.
do you know how hard that is? getting called that and knowing if i had the chance i would of said goodbye but you caused me harm that night and i didn't get to say goodbye.
i am a failure i am 18 with no hopes of the future i am a walking dead person,
i hope you understand one day how much you've impacted my life goodbye
summer
* they have hurt me they have scarred me but who is winning? ME! i feel worthless i feel like sh@t i regret everything but i found a life that is difficult sometimes but oh well he is locked up i am now in hospital how lovely.
you took my freedom you took my virginity you took my whole life away from me. you tracked my every movement i couldn't go to school you was raping me and abusing me you used to make me be silent so that my foster carers couldn't find out, you stopped me from doing activity's and everything a 10 year old would do.
I used to feel terrified i used to self harm each night to deal with the pain you had caused me.
I was 12 i was in year 7 you started meeting me outside my school i used to start crying i started ending my life i felt i had nothing but to go along with you through those harsh times. you caused me a pregnancy from how horrible you were to me.
at 13 i thought i had my partner and things were looking up, you raped me at a train station and made me suffer.
i hope you know how much you have hurt me you are a useless lying prick and i hate you.
the pain, the loss of Meila, the amount of grieve i had was horrible i am now dying because of you.
want to know what you caused me?
a eating disorder, past traumatic stress disorder, a life of suicide a whole running away and ending in hospital and getting picked up by police.
my mum died and i didn't get to say bye because you was raping me the day she passed away.
i didn't get to say bye you know how horrible that is?
my dad has hated me ever since saying why didn't you say bye to your own mother? you disgraceful girl you're not my daughter if you leave i don't care you lied about loving your mother and get out of my life.
do you know how hard that is? getting called that and knowing if i had the chance i would of said goodbye but you caused me harm that night and i didn't get to say goodbye.
i am a failure i am 18 with no hopes of the future i am a walking dead person,
i hope you understand one day how much you've impacted my life goodbye
summer
* they have hurt me they have scarred me but who is winning? ME! i feel worthless i feel like sh@t i regret everything but i found a life that is difficult sometimes but oh well he is locked up i am now in hospital how lovely.
1
Comments
Hey,
Yes it is so hard when i have been neglected my whole life but now i think i am ok
I hope you feel safe and happy now. Try not to give in to your emotions. Hatred only brings you down. Express yourself creatively or physically. MMA has really helped me with anxiety or exam stress. A good sport like this can help manage intense emotions. You need an outlet to help cope with this and you shouldn’t be alone. An alternative could be some form of cardio like running. I like to listen to music during my jogs, it is very therapeutic for me to do. I don’t even do it for any specific goal anymore I just run because it’s so relaxing and a great distraction from studying.
You are too young to be a failure, you can absolutely turn things around. Don’t feel worthless, everyone has something to give to the world. You are special, just find what it is that makes you so incredible and express yourself through that medium. Find things on that give your life meaning. You shouldn’t feel dead inside, find things or people to love and find give meaning to your life. You might have a potential career in mind and you may want to have a family yourself. Either of these are goals that should give you meaning and something to live for.
You are not worthless. You are not a failure. You are special and loved!