I'm ruining my friendship

I'm a terrible person for being so toxic... I know I'm the bad one in our relationship. I really love my friend yet I haven't been showing it in the right way. Here I am hoping that she will forgive me one more time, and that I will actually change for good so we won't be stuck in a constant loop of arguing and making up anymore. She deserves better than the current me. I love you man, and I'm sorry.

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Former Member

Hi @Past User

I'm sorry to hear that you have been having arguments with your friend. I can imagine it must be very difficult to be in a regular cycle of falling out and talking through things. It's great though, that you feel that you want to make some changes to correct the situation and improve your relationship for the future. Thank you for having the confidence to share this with others in the discussion boards as I'm sure this must be quite a personal situation for you.
If you are willing to comment more, what steps do you feel you need to take to strengthen your friendship?

Former Member

i think friendship is a two-way commitment so perhaps would it be useful for both of you to be on the same page? Have you tried talking to her to gain an understanding of the situation from her perspective? That way you might both be able to improve things together

Former Member

Past User wrote: »

i think friendship is a two-way commitment so perhaps would it be useful for both of you to be on the same page? Have you tried talking to her to gain an understanding of the situation from her perspective? That way you might both be able to improve things together

I think after so many cycles of arguments I'm just starting to understand the issue. Perhaps when we talk again I will be able to confirm whether what I'm thinking is on the same page. I just wish I see the point earlier, I would've started working on myself earlier and avoided all the conflicts we had.

I think my plan going forward is to ask a second friend to keep me accountable for what I'm doing, and if I feel the urge to revert back to who I was I will talk to them. This is the only concrete action I can think of now that can help me start improving. I just hope I do get another chance at this broken friendship... it's not me to determine if I should be forgiven again.

Former Member

I reckon that might possibly be a good idea for you to explain to them what you think you might be doing wrong so that you can check you understand everything correctly. I know it can be easy to regret what happened in the past and wish that you had acted differently but those things you can't change. What you can change though is how you plan to put things right for the future and you should be proud of yourself for realising it now

I understand what you mean when you say it's not your job to decide if you should be forgiven but perhaps you could be honest and explain to them how much they mean to you and how it would make you feel if you decided to part ways. Good luck!

Former Member

Past User wrote: »

I reckon that might possibly be a good idea for you to explain to them what you think you might be doing wrong so that you can check you understand everything correctly. I know it can be easy to regret what happened in the past and wish that you had acted differently but those things you can't change. What you can change though is how you plan to put things right for the future and you should be proud of yourself for realising it now

I understand what you mean when you say it's not your job to decide if you should be forgiven but perhaps you could be honest and explain to them how much they mean to you and how it would make you feel if you decided to part ways. Good luck!

Appreciate the encouragement. Thanks

Former Member

Past User wrote: »

I'm a terrible person for being so toxic... I know I'm the bad one in our relationship. I really love my friend yet I haven't been showing it in the right way. Here I am hoping that she will forgive me one more time, and that I will actually change for good so we won't be stuck in a constant loop of arguing and making up anymore. She deserves better than the current me. I love you man, and I'm sorry.

Hello @Past User , you aren't a terrible person, if feels like you are but you aren't.

Sometimes falling out is natural ( me and my boyfriend fall out non stop ) but when it is so often then maybe it is often. having second chances are a good way to express the feelings that you and her might be feeling that might be causing the arguments and that maybe you guys can work behind the scenes and talk about the reasons and feeling and express them directly towards her but in a friendly way?
I get you love her and i admire that you had the strength to write this so well done sending hugs

Are you guys currently talking?
you're right it isn't you're job to recover a broken friendship, but it is a two man job not a one man/women job. If it is meant to be it will recover and i hope it does!
I think, given the story, having time apart will be best it will hurt not talking but generally i might beinift the situation. Then when you guys start talking again work hard don't over use yourself and keep cool then talk and recover the relationship!

I really bloody hope you are going to be okay, she sounds lovely and you are of course, keep going and it will recover just it won't happen straight away but waiting is the key to a broken friendship[,

sending hugs -

Summer

Former Member

Past User wrote: »

Past User wrote: »

I'm a terrible person for being so toxic... I know I'm the bad one in our relationship. I really love my friend yet I haven't been showing it in the right way. Here I am hoping that she will forgive me one more time, and that I will actually change for good so we won't be stuck in a constant loop of arguing and making up anymore. She deserves better than the current me. I love you man, and I'm sorry.

Hello @Past User , you aren't a terrible person, if feels like you are but you aren't.

Sometimes falling out is natural ( me and my boyfriend fall out non stop ) but when it is so often then maybe it is often. having second chances are a good way to express the feelings that you and her might be feeling that might be causing the arguments and that maybe you guys can work behind the scenes and talk about the reasons and feeling and express them directly towards her but in a friendly way?
I get you love her and i admire that you had the strength to write this so well done sending hugs
Are you guys currently talking?
you're right it isn't you're job to recover a broken friendship, but it is a two man job not a one man/women job. If it is meant to be it will recover and i hope it does!
I think, given the story, having time apart will be best it will hurt not talking but generally i might beinift the situation. Then when you guys start talking again work hard don't over use yourself and keep cool then talk and recover the relationship!

I really bloody hope you are going to be okay, she sounds lovely and you are of course, keep going and it will recover just it won't happen straight away but waiting is the key to a broken friendship[,

sending hugs -

Summer

It's kinda hard to believe that I'm not at fault in all this, people have been telling me that I'm not that terrible of a person but it's hard to see it in my head... Thanks though, perhaps people have a point. And yea we are talking. I hope from hereon out things will only get better.

Former Member

Past User wrote: »

Past User wrote: »

Past User wrote: »

I'm a terrible person for being so toxic... I know I'm the bad one in our relationship. I really love my friend yet I haven't been showing it in the right way. Here I am hoping that she will forgive me one more time, and that I will actually change for good so we won't be stuck in a constant loop of arguing and making up anymore. She deserves better than the current me. I love you man, and I'm sorry.

Hello @Past User , you aren't a terrible person, if feels like you are but you aren't.

Sometimes falling out is natural ( me and my boyfriend fall out non stop ) but when it is so often then maybe it is often. having second chances are a good way to express the feelings that you and her might be feeling that might be causing the arguments and that maybe you guys can work behind the scenes and talk about the reasons and feeling and express them directly towards her but in a friendly way?
I get you love her and i admire that you had the strength to write this so well done sending hugs
Are you guys currently talking?
you're right it isn't you're job to recover a broken friendship, but it is a two man job not a one man/women job. If it is meant to be it will recover and i hope it does!
I think, given the story, having time apart will be best it will hurt not talking but generally i might beinift the situation. Then when you guys start talking again work hard don't over use yourself and keep cool then talk and recover the relationship!

I really bloody hope you are going to be okay, she sounds lovely and you are of course, keep going and it will recover just it won't happen straight away but waiting is the key to a broken friendship[,

sending hugs -

Summer

It's kinda hard to believe that I'm not at fault in all this, people have been telling me that I'm not that terrible of a person but it's hard to see it in my head... Thanks though, perhaps people have a point. And yea we are talking. I hope from hereon out things will only get better.

always here for you